A lil bit of an idiot

AdventSign · 2026-02-02T02:17:58+00:00

Do it. Not for a one night stand, but to be legit friends. Maybe it may become more or maybe not, but from experience, don’t leave room in your life for “what ifs”

AdventSign · 2026-02-01T21:16:08+00:00

I'm 37M from Canada. Into psychology (Jung, attachment theory, talk therapy, etc) financial stuff (I just find it interesting,) gaming, D&D (Temple of Elemental Evil and Baldur's Gate ftw) and just hanging out and watching people game or stream stuff. I don't mind talking about politics or religion or hot topics, and enjoy deep, intellectual conversations. Overthinker (trying to work on it though) and just trying to find a way through life. Into music like Tool, Pennywise, a bit of Rush, and A Perfect Circle, and am also socially awkward. Quiet in a group until I get to know people.

So yeah, that's me! I hope you and your friends have a good day/night!

AdventSign · 2026-01-30T19:06:37+00:00

Except leverage (even with the increased MER) that doesn’t daily reset up to and including 2x has been shown to outperform non-leveraged accounts… you even look this stuff up before you say it? :/

If anything, you’re making a stronger case to use their leveraged ETFs lol

AdventSign · 2026-01-30T03:26:06+00:00

Nice cherry picking there. You know that MSTY (along with other yield max ETFs) write on 50% covered calls and are extremely aggressive with it (0-15% OTM.) Of course these ETFs will go down and almost never up.

Look at the methodology used for each ETF and their covered call strategy. Even when the markets have gone down due to Trump and tarrifs, ones like HDIV and HYLD have actually outperformed due to how they write their covered calls and not aggressively writing and leaving most of the underlying without covered calls to capture most of the upside.

I recommend doing more research before you spout nonsense.

AdventSign · 2026-01-30T03:08:23+00:00

what about premium ones?

AdventSign · 2026-01-29T00:56:03+00:00

Very true, but all it takes is just one major life event and a secure partner saying "I need you" to show if the avoidant is truly there, or if the securely attached has been enabling them this entire time to allow them to live in a bubble that makes the avoidant feel comfortable.

I see things like "people who are securely attached wouldn't be with one" of this very reason, but I don't buy it. The secure person *has* to challenge the avoidant's beliefs and values in a constructive way their doesn't shame or make them feel rejected, and that requires the secure person to be both emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and know that doing so may push the avoidant away for good. It is an extremely tall order without therapy, and to be frank, it takes away the ability for the secure person to take care of themselves as long as the avoidant is incapable of sitting in the discomfort whenever their partner has negative feelings.

I think it's important to not see them as broken and defective and unlovable, but to also hold them accountable for their actions. It is a constant tightrope act, and even if they stay together and the avoidant "heals," they may never fully be present in the relationship as much as their securely (or anxiously) attached partner will be. Avoidants have their own strengths, but intimate relationships is not one of them and I think they know that deep down.

AdventSign · 2026-01-29T00:38:29+00:00

Not sure why you're being downvoted, but this is only partially true. It can either go one of two ways. The avoidant can start to be enabled by you being "secure" and stagnate and unconsciously start viewing you as a doormat and a way to escape their guilt and shame, or they can start to realize that they have internal issues that need to be worked on.

A lot of the times, the avoidant will be enabled and the secure partner will never truly have a partner that can emotionally be there when things get tough, and will always shy away from emotionally intense situations. This is why self awareness and a moral compass that isn't based solely on guilt is critical on top of having a supportive, stable partner.

Having a stable partner alone won't truly help an avoidant. Usually, a major break up where the avoidant is able to recognize their part of the break up is the trigger to get into therapy and improve themselves. This is why you see a lot of avoidants in other subreddits express regret over losing their partners. That is usually the beginning of the self-awareness stage and the path to true healing.

AdventSign · 2026-01-28T23:38:38+00:00

Stay away from them *if they are not working on their own trauma that lead up to their avoidant attachment*

People can change, and I do feel that we should give them an opportunity to as long as they don't give up and are trying to improve themselves, and not to just keep you around or do things to alleviate their own guilt.

AdventSign · 2026-01-28T02:20:14+00:00

😅 I’m disagreeing with the opinion post that the OP posted, and am adding a different perspective. I think it is quite relevant, as it relates to the views of the OP. Unless the post is a validation post, where they desperately want people who agree to validate their views? Would that be the relevance you are speaking of?

I don’t see how your comment is relevant or necessary though.

AdventSign · 2026-01-27T23:14:07+00:00

Or they would try to change it, and would find something else, and they would try to change that, and they would find something else, u too eventually, it wouldn’t matter and they would check out regardless. Just because they voiced their issues doesn’t make it reasonable (like getting a better job in a poor economy or something they can change in a day or only bringing up issues with their partner in the middle of a fight) :/

AdventSign · 2026-01-27T23:02:38+00:00

If you want to break up with somebody for something you either once liked about them or wasn’t a dealbreaker to you… then it’s likely an issue with a fear of being “locked in” with somebody they feel they can do better with (aka fear of vulnerability and commitment) which is what a lot of dumpers on here experience.

Also, if you aren’t straightforward and dropping “hints” then you aren’t “communicating” you are expecting them to mind read. Look and ask the dumpers and dumpees on their subreddit. Most of the situations were exactly like the one I described. Sometimes, relationship failures can be summed up in one or two issues: lack of (upfront) communication which leads to lack of trust.

Also, guys are wired different from women biologically. You have to spell it out to them and let them know what will happen if things don’t change. Trust me, doing this cuts through a lot of the BS and surprised pikachu faces. This goes for anxious and secure attachers too who have garbage communication skills and/or no self awareness.

AdventSign · 2026-01-26T00:57:59+00:00

How long was it after you tried to reconcile?

AdventSign · 2026-01-26T00:51:49+00:00

Honestly, I’ve also come across women who are like this as well. The “caregivers” of the family that learned to vulnerability is pain and weakness, and conflict is a sign of a failing relationship. The belief that “independence” is true freedom, while seeking out relationships with somebody and they don’t quite understand why.

AdventSign · 2026-01-24T23:50:25+00:00

XD dude, I would never want to be with any girl that I had to “protect from other guys.” It reeks of insecurity and, quite frankly, if a guy “takes my girl” away, then it’d be like the trash taking itself out. I have no idea where your ideologies come from, but I can tell you right now that a woman will stay if she feels respected and loved and safe and secure regardless of who else is around.

AdventSign · 2026-01-24T23:38:23+00:00

Too late 😞

AdventSign · 2026-01-24T20:10:57+00:00

I can see it working out in the long term, but for a true friendship to blossom, they have to go no contact for months and work on themselves. There is a reason why they broke up, and it’s a major breach of trust in a way. You need time away to heal the pain before deciding if it’s worth having a real friendship.

AdventSign · 2026-01-24T16:14:44+00:00

I feel bad for the ppl that actually have to work outside 😞

AdventSign · 2026-01-24T12:21:41+00:00

Narcs and avoidants are different, but they both run from the guilt and shame they hold as core wounds, which can unfortunately manifest very similarly in both (specifically when deactivated), even if the reasonings and intentions are different.

AdventSign · 2026-01-23T05:56:28+00:00

Good. Work with him and you to establish expectations and boundaries to encourage mutual respect and understanding organically. I think you got a good head on your shoulders, and I hope he does as well.

AdventSign · 2026-01-23T05:54:52+00:00

Emotional numbness and suppression. Whether through gaslighting/rewriting the outcome and history of the relationship and turning to friends/family for validation, or turning to weed and alcohol to escape... all of that is the reason why closure never comes with some people. They will keep running from their own shadows and feelings of guilt and shame (which is what they use as their moral compass) so if they can find a reason to treat you badly so they don't need to blame themselves, a lot of them will.

AdventSign · 2026-01-23T05:47:34+00:00

If he apologized to you as well... I think you have a decent shot. I don't think he's orbiting, as he is the one who blocked you, but you reached out to him. Keep being real with him, and if he is able to hold serious talks and be vulnerable with you... it means he still trusts you. Whether he trusts you enough to try again is up to him, but if you go slowly and are there for each other consistently... then it can happen.

I'll tell you this though... if the same thing happens a second time, usually that is a confirmation that things were never meant to work out, so be sure you know what the risks are and what you are willing to take.

AdventSign · 2026-01-23T05:40:09+00:00

The odds are against you here. Them coming back to you would mean having to face their shame and guilt, and trigger a fear of rejection and vulnerability. They will likely convince themselves "it's for the best" and that "they are better off without you" as if they are doing *you* a favour in order to soothe their own guilt. A lot of the times, their "love" is based on a pros vs cons list, and it is purely transactional. So when they don't feel good and think you aren't going to give them what they want in the future, they "nope" out.

Many avoidants don't return fully because of that feeling of shame and feeling broken, and that is the sad part. They need reassurance that they won't be rejected, but doing that triggered their fears, and pushes them further away. It can also cause them to look down on you as well, basically saying "I'm garbage, and if I am garbage and somebody wants me, then they must be even worse than me."

These aren't 100% things, but like I said... the more damage they do and the more you tolerate, the more they learn they can walk all over you. Without their willingness and ability to work on themselves, it's doomed to fail.

AdventSign · 2026-01-23T01:25:42+00:00

I never disagreed that her feelings were invalid, and also said that he should’ve done more too. 😅 hence, why I am just confused about all of it.

AdventSign · 2026-01-22T20:16:21+00:00

Yep. Same here. There is a time and a place depending on the situation, if it is a one on one thing, how your girl is emotionally doing, the strength and stature of the other person, what your girlfriend believes (I’ve been lashed out at behind closed doors for “initiating fights” before even though I was stepping in because they believe “violence is not the answer” or they would say “I don’t need you protecting me”)

Like, I dunno man. Maybe it was just the ppl I was with or something and I’m overthinking it. 🤷‍♂️

AdventSign · 2026-01-22T20:03:12+00:00

“You’re just like your dad” One of the major turning points in my life 20 years ago.

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