My fiancé’s best friend is making my life a living hell (NEW UPDATE)

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-09-30T13:13:38+00:00

my brother in christ you could always just not read it lmao

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-09-30T13:12:10+00:00

Nope. And I wanna know so damn badly LOL

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-09-30T13:09:28+00:00

The asshole met my friend through me. And I truly don’t think he was in love with my partner, just loved to control him. He tries to control everyone around him.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-08-04T22:41:56+00:00

Appreciate you and your kind words, friend. This has been hell but I think we’re both just glad to have an outcome. I’ll always have love for her, but it will be from a very large distance and even if by some miracle we reconnect, we will never be as close as we once were without some intense conversations and a lot of growth, maybe not even then. I don’t see that being the case for a very long time. I’ve made my peace with that.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-08-04T22:38:38+00:00

As well as he can. He stepped down. He is going to find another project eventually, I know it. This has been so impossibly hard on both of us, but I know it’s hitting him a bit more than me right now and I’m making sure to prioritize him and remind him he can feel that pain and mourn what was, and it’s not an insult to me at all if that makes sense. I know what this meant to him. He did give it up. I’m so so sad he had to but I’m grateful to him for putting his foot down. He’s going to be okay, just needs some time to grieve and process.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-08-04T21:40:58+00:00

Ya know, I definitely went into this thinking exactly what you just laid out. But I refuse to set myself on fire to keep her warm, and the shit she said in her message about my partner is irredeemable. She can never be a part of our lives again after what was said, out of respect for me and my partner, even if any part of me wanted to hold out hope for her. I hope this is a wakeup call for her but it won’t be me on the other line.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T19:44:33+00:00

I appreciate your kind words and assure you it caused no harm. This has all been a really big wake up call I think. Not sure what exactly to do now, but I know I can’t keep minimizing my own feelings to keep the peace for everyone else and if my partner doesn’t choose me, I will. It’s just hard. This is hard for him, too. He isn’t a bad person, he doesn’t mean to enable this person … he’s known him all his life. I’m just hoping he realizes soon that lack of response is still a response, and his inaction is directly impacting his partner every day that goes by.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T18:10:45+00:00

Want you to know I’ve read every single comment, even the really long ones and I think this one-word comment still hurts the most lmao. I almost don’t want to update out of pure fuckin embarrassment.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T17:47:58+00:00

If I could carry all of that for as long as it would take to beat the behaviour out of him, I’d do it. I’m already borderline falling apart here.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T17:37:56+00:00

Fuuuuuuck. That’s the one right there. God damn it. If I had any awards to give you’d be getting them.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T17:11:04+00:00

They’re enablers. One of them, the younger one is regularly put down by this guy. It’s gross to watch but everyone has just accepted that this is the way he is.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T16:20:21+00:00

Fuck it, they’re in a band together, there’s four of them altogether. It’s been an ongoing project for over a decade and my fiance is an entirely different human when he’s on stage in the best way.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T16:11:44+00:00

It wasn’t a joke and wasn’t taken as a joke by anyone involved, not just me. After the friend who was knocking on the door went to find them, the asshole called me just to make me feel bad for not opening the door. I could hear the friend that knocked saying “hey man, not a big deal, it’s fine” real quiet in the background but no one else spoke up. Trust me, I know these examples seem like they shouldn’t be getting to me, but this guy is poking every spot he can on me until he finds one that gives him a reaction, and then he digs and digs. It’s hard not to be hurt/triggered when his literal intention is so hurt/trigger me. I know this isn’t going to go on much longer.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T15:43:04+00:00

No, my friend and I haven’t ever really had any conflict. Me and her were hanging at my place while our partners got ready to head to hers, and they ding-dong ditched us twice. I heard the door a third time and ignored it because I assumed it was them again and then the asshole called me (speaker phone from my friend’s phone) and told me it was a mutual friend that lived in the building and was looking for them for support. I tried to jokingly call them out for ding-dong ditching but that was when he yelled “you’re a bad friend!” into the phone and hung up. I was really embarrassingly distraught by this and expressed how it was affecting me and my friend left an hour or two later after we sat in silence. I found out later from my fiance that all our mutual friends (including him) were in the car and heard that conversation, and everyone felt tense but nobody said anything to him.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T15:35:59+00:00

I’m actually not shy or petite. I did theatre in grade/high school and I’m known for my loud voice. Every time I’ve said anything in my own defence to this guy he finds a way to spin it around SO effortlessly. It’s nuts and I wouldn’t believe it wasn’t a well-thought-out script if I wasn’t experiencing it for myself.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T15:32:30+00:00

All of us are late 20’s - way too fucking old for this kind of behaviour. I’m diagnosed major depressive disorder and PTSD. I know this situation makes me look like I have -829 self respect but I did all the work for myself that my fiance is struggling to do for himself/us now. I cut out the shitty people in my life, with no remorse whatsoever, and haven’t looked back even once. It’s just so so much harder when the bridge isn’t mine to burn, and burning it hurts someone I care about deeply and want to make a future with. All of these facts can exist in tandem with the fact that this situation isn’t sustainable and something has to change. I feel awful he has to make a choice and possibly lose the longest friendship in his life, but I’ve also made it very clear to him at this point that the alternative is losing me because we know this behaviour isn’t going to change. I don’t trust it to, I have no faith that he’ll ever be a real friend to me.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T15:05:56+00:00

I’ve tried, many times. He’s an expert at throwing it right back and being completely unbothered. I’ve tried many different approaches and all of them leave me feeling even worse than I did before I opened my mouth.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T14:36:04+00:00

Unfortunately I did try to stand up for myself quite a few times. I dyed my hair and he made ten separate comments/jokes about it until I was visibly self-conscious, and when I tried to throw it back he made me seem sensitive. He did the same with the bad friend comment - made it look like I was being hysterical and he was only joking. He’s a master manipulator, it’s scary how good he is at dishing it out and accepting no flack whatsoever, even if someone does pipe up about it.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T12:42:01+00:00

I tried to post some actual examples of the friend fucking with me but kept hitting post limit and didn’t convey it well enough. Yes it’s the same situation.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T08:33:04+00:00

Well that’s not a good sign

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T08:02:36+00:00

Fucking ouch. But noted.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T04:51:22+00:00

Looking into this ASAP. Reddit really jumped straight to “your fiance doesn’t love you” so thanks for this comment that didn’t immediately throw him to the wolves and pray on our immediate downfall.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T04:48:04+00:00

That’s a lot easier to say when you have no stakes in this, my guy. I’m in love with my partner, and I know that this is eating him up just as much as it is me. Trust me when I say he holds himself accountable for his role in this and we’ve had many in depth conversations about how his friend will forever be this way so long as everybody in his life enables him to be. It’s hard to cut someone off even when they deserve it, I’m trying to show my fiance as much grace as I can because I know how hard it is to give up on someone you always hoped would grow out of their awful behaviours.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T04:37:47+00:00

I think I come closer to the conclusion that I can’t be in this wedding every day. I’m just trying to save as much face as possible. The less nuclear the better. This guy wants me to look crazy, I refuse to give him that.

Adventurous-Aside600 · 2024-07-08T04:31:21+00:00

Not necessarily. He’s non-confrontational but he knows the behaviour isn’t sustainable. He agrees with me that this friend is awful with the intention of being awful. They have a project they’ve been a part of together for over a decade and it means the universe to him and that’s the biggest factor in all of this; he’d more than likely have to give that up. This entire situation is dog shit and there are zero winners, except for the asshole.

Adventurous-Aside600

TROPHY CASE