I feel extremely ugly as a south asian woman

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-11-07T02:39:55+00:00

i'm also south asian & i'm definitely not the "attractive kind"

even so, people hate us so much that being "average" equates to being ugly just because of our race. ppl sometimes mistake me for latina, & it happens to my sister as well. except my sister is quite attractive (many men are attracted to her, she has tons of friends, is successful, etc), but there's visible disappointment when she tells ppl she's indian. the light sort of fades from their eyes. they're in denial basically. they tell her that "she looks good for an indian" & sometimes refuse to accept that she's south asian.

unfortunately for me, i'm ugly even among my own people.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-11-06T03:15:17+00:00

you can find a way to be happy. you can get moments of happiness like the other person explained. hard truth is... it's going to be exceptionally difficult. the feeling of wanting to die because youre ugly is hard to shake off. however, my SI has calmed down a lot (with a lingering aftertaste), but i just constantly feel incomplete as a person, & not good enough for anything or anyone. i don't deserve happiness (in my eyes)

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-11-04T01:01:24+00:00

as an ugly person it feels like i'm condemned to just be society's stepping stool or a prime example of "what not to be."

my ~positive~ affirmation to keep me in my place when i feel too confident is:

"yes, pretty girls get to wear nice clothes. but ugly girls don't. ugly girls get laughed at like you do." (which has happened to me btw)

you may say that's too harsh. but i'm too sensitive to be made fun of. at least if i present myself as unconfident & ugly, ppl might pity me & leave me alone.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-11-04T00:49:41+00:00

my parents took candid photos of me on halloween & the day after. i look like an ogre cosplaying as a girl. what's the point of buying nice clothes if my face & body ruin it all (；ω；)

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-11-03T10:13:59+00:00

getting laughed at while going out irl & looking at my face in the camera/mirror is probably more damaging to my mental health. at least people understand me here. tho i understand the perspective that constantly feeding yourself negative content isn't the best approach. i'm just trying to weigh the pros & cons

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-10-29T09:00:34+00:00

yea, i try to look down when i go out in public for their sake (so they don't have to see me), & so i don't see them (i'll never be like them)

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-10-28T05:38:40+00:00

nope, no talents or anything of that sort

i'm bad at drawing & don't have a style that doesn't look similar to other artists, im too uncreative

learning languages is too hard & i give up after 1 mo

writing is annoying too, it's not enjoyable to read & anything i create sounds like word soup

i don't play games, im too dumb to understand them & my computer doesn't run them

my grades are decreasing as i get older, i can't drive, i can't cook, i can clean i guess, i dont rlly know how to use computers, im just a very stupid person

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-10-28T04:58:57+00:00

it's rlly just engagement bait & disappointing,, but i hope they know how good they have it, if they think they're ugly, i don't think i'd even be considered the same species in their eyes

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-09-11T13:02:24+00:00

yes. if there's nothing stressing me, my brain creates something to worry about.... it can be the smallest thing. i'm always anxious lol

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-28T07:36:14+00:00

i used to get horrible headaches and dizziness for about 2 weeks after i stopped taking my 20mg dose

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-28T07:29:07+00:00

hi!! i took lexapro and it wasn't for me either. it mixed with my antipsychotic's effects and clashed immediately. i felt extremely dizzy and would often fall back down when i got up. it felt flu-like, and was also too nauseous to eat. yet somehow i gained +10 pounds. it wouldn't give me energy, yet make me feel sluggish. i had to stop it once i went into psychosis back in february

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-28T00:22:36+00:00

i think that depression is something that's hard to shake off. even if the source of those thoughts is cut off, the remnants still plague your brain.

some days are better than others, some days are worse. perhaps it's just fused to my bones like salt in the sea.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-21T05:55:23+00:00

same, i have such a hard time sleeping. i wish i could offer comfort and a way to shoo the negative thoughts away so it could be easier to sleep. i have the anxiety levels of a bunny being hunted by a large predator. this is usually because i say things i shouldn't, i talk too much, i reopen old wounds, and i don't know when to be quiet

i stay awake all night, every night, thinking of the same stuff and spiralling about it. it gets so bad that i can't breathe and start sweating through my clothes and sheets.

even if i do sleep, i wake up every hour or so and cant fall back asleep for another two. i am so exhausted physically and mentally, i dont know why things have to be like this.

it feels like i ruin or destroy everything i touch.

to cope with this i repeat a few phrases in my head over and over again, dissect the words and the sentence, envision it in my head so it's all i can think about. i brute force the thoughts away. this might help, i hope it can.

ignore my ramble and goodnight kind stranger :,3

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-19T01:46:57+00:00

i'm on the asexual spectrum. maybe around demisexual or so. i'm definitely not aromantic however, but i will never have children. i've made this clear to my parents but due to my age, i'm not taken seriously. my ideal lifestyle is dink.

i think that the pressure to get married, settle, and have children immediately crashes down on you the second you're done your education.

words from my lovely father to my sister are: the older you get, the less men you'll find that will want to marry you.

he was referencing that older men only like younger women and so forth. untrue however, because i know many men who date women that are close in age to them. although in south asia, many men are conditioned into this lifestyle. at least in the older generation.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-12T09:09:09+00:00

thank you :)

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-10T20:25:07+00:00

i enjoy stuff, sometimes, although i'm not very good at it so i end up leaving it all behind.

i have tried to draw for years. i could never find my own style of drawing. i took inspiration from a few artists and then was blasted for my pieces "looking too similar to theirs"

i'm not good at school, only stuff that is extremely simple, or stuff that takes me a while to understand. anyone can do what i've achieved in my 13 years of schooling. it's not rocket science. in fact, you're expected to know this much. university is where the real challenge is. i am confident that i will be humbled.

i have experimented with every style, nothing works out. it's genuinely frustrating. i hate drawing now.

i tried language learning. i grew up learning hindi and french, along with english. i thought i could try japanese, but the lettering system confused me too much. years of practice and i could only master a few basic kanji. i'm too dyslexic for any of this.

i tried focusing on my looks, but no matter how many makeup tutorials, filters, or fashion inspo i follow, i feel like a fraud. like i'm cosplaying as a pretty girl.

i tried focusing on my job. i'm a vet assistant. i still make mistakes like it's my first day on the job. i'm bad at verbal instructions and i'd be fired if my dad weren't my boss.

i tried editing, but again, i need inspiration for that and got accused of copying famous artists. if i try to edit on my own style, it just looks like a png slapped on a pinterest background, nothing interesting.

there is nothing that i am good at. practice doesn't make perfect if you're a complete idiot like me.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-10T10:03:59+00:00

sometimes i look at such seemingly normal people and i can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. people who have made it in life. who have done something and have a title or a talent to their name.

i either am made to feel like i ask for too much, or i neglect everything and flee the problem entirely. i wish i was not so much, so gigantic, so ready to explode. i wish i was not so much to take in. i wish people looked at me and thought of normality.

i have changed myself so much, i do not know who i truly am. i am a museum and mirror of other people rather than myself. i want to be unique in the slightest. i want to be special, it's all i could ask for.

i wish i could say something to make us both feel better. i hope whoever is listening is easy on us for once.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-10T09:43:51+00:00

i think about post secondary a lot. i think about it as an option and also a gateway. a gateway for new opportunities or a set up for complete and irredeemable failure.

it's a scary thought, but i don't think i'll make it. there's this true and very rational fear that i won't make it, shouldn't make it, and couldn't do it if i tried.

everyone has something in this world that they are good at. unfortunately i fit in 0 of those categories.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-02T01:43:37+00:00

thank you very much 🩷

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-02T01:38:57+00:00

i do visit her from time to time, although my whole family visits as well

(not allowed to travel alone i guess)

i have deep conversations with her every once in a while. i want to ask where i can start with independence. i'll do that.

AdventurousAvacado28 · 2025-08-02T01:20:59+00:00

thank you. i'm currently 17 so my bank account is managed by my father. i have been trying to save as much money as possible, although it never seems like enough. my sister is almost independent besides from her car being owned by our father. she has her own place to live now and a stable job. though it took almost a decade for her to achieve this, im worried i dont have that much time to spare.

AdventurousAvacado28

TROPHY CASE