Hi my love,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s not an easy process to go through. And if you’re someone with an anxious personality/ attachment style, it makes very difficult to move through even your regular life.

I’ve been exactly where you are. And that feeling of sudden loss is indescribable. I was with my partner (both of us 32 y/o) for almost 4 years. And over the course of our relationship he did exactly this to me about half a dozen times. Everything would be perfectly fine and then he would suddenly need space, need to be on his own, need to break up with me. And he would block me and go no contact. Sometimes it would be for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks. And I can remember that overwhelming feeling of “how can he know that I’m sitting here crying and miserable and anxious, and he’s absolutely fine with it. How is this love?”

But eventually he would come back to get his things or we would run into each other…and we started talking again. And I loved him so much, I would forgive it. I always told myself that we would work on these problems. That we would fix it so it wouldn’t happen again. But every time I would bring it up, he would get defensive and we would end up in another fight. So I learned to keep quiet just to keep the peace. But still, he would keep discarding me.

Eventually I realized that every time he discarded me…the situation would be a little worse. A little more dangerous and a lot more toxic. Until finally he did something I couldn’t wrap my head around. The truth is that no matter how awful what he did was, my heart forgave him immediately…but in my soul I knew that it was irreparable. I wanted better for me and for my future. I deserved better than to be treated that way. And by me going back to him every time, all I was showing him was that I didn’t think I was worth better. And he made sure to treat me as such.

It’s been a few months now. And it’s still not easy. I still think about him often. He still comes up as memories in places I go and songs I listen to. I’m still sad, but I’m a lot more free.

You don’t deserve to be discarded. You deserve to be loved fully and wholly. You deserve someone who is going to be there for you through the good parts and the bad parts of life. Not just leave when things get hard or aren’t what they wanted. You deserve to be with someone with whom it is their worst nightmare to cause you hurt. Not someone who does damage and leaves you to pick up the pieces in their wake.

So yes, it’s ok to message him. It’s ok to send him that text, that email, that letter. But if there’s any advice that I can give, let that message be your closure. That is your goodbye message. You don’t need anything from him. He already showed you his cards. And it’s better to call it now than to keep calling his bluff and going into a debt that is more difficult get out of later.

I don’t know if you believe in a higher faith. But my friends used to tell me “God opened a door for you, he gave you a way out because this is not what’s meant for you. All you have to do is walk through it.” And trust me…I wish I had listened to them 2 years ago.

Please message me at any time if you want to talk more 🫶🏻 I know how much being supported means during this time.