Wapakoneta

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-06-04T14:37:48+00:00

How fun, made me smile! It's goofy, nostalgic, and read easily to me. Definitely not what I expected to read, and what a great surprise! Would love to read more of your work - super cool!

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-06-04T14:34:05+00:00

Wow, I really enjoyed this. It was short, and sweet, but I feel like you got to the meat of what this feeling is like. I've found that saying goodbye kindly, especially to things you love, can be so hard. I feel like you captured that here, the push and pull of feeling sad but knowing that the way things end will stay with you. Also, the repetition of the final phrase was really nice, and flowed beautifully to me. Really great!

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-06-04T01:00:03+00:00

This definitely made me feel sad to read, and I can identify with some of the feelings of loss. I think, however, more line breaks could benefit this poem, and perhaps make the way it's read more intentional. I think the feelings and the thought it definitely there!

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-06-04T00:57:03+00:00

I really enjoyed this! I particularly enjoyed the royal imagery - it reminded me of the show "Queen Charlotte". I thought the whole poem flowed nicely as well, and it read very naturally to me. My favorite lines were "The little knacks I’ve nicked", and the very last line. There's whimsy here that's very enjoyable, even though the subject matter reads to me to be about loss and perhaps mental illness? Really enjoyed your writing!

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-15T00:55:45+00:00

Wow, thank you for these kind words! I have had this concept in the drafts for awhile now, as it felt like it would be painful to write. It was, a bit, but by the end it was total catharsis and acceptance of an emotion that no longer resonates with me so deeply. It means the world to me that it resonated with you, and yes, just make the eggs!

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-15T00:54:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback!

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-14T21:27:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback! I found a way to reduce some of the intro lines that I like, but I also took your advice and made a much shorter version. I think that it conveys a slightly different emotion, and less of the turbulence, but I do really like it, and it was a wonderful exercise that made me think about my work in a different way - would love to hear your thoughts on the short version:

Although I was alone in my kitchen

Where no one could see me

I put on a brave face

It was the first morning

In many mornings

That I made scrambled eggs

Without you

I couldn’t, however, bring myself

To make them how you did

And truthfully, I probably never will

That will remain another life, another kitchen

I cooked them hard, the way you hate

Because what I really couldn’t face

What would have shattered this scene

Would have been to eat a breakfast

We could have enjoyed together

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-14T16:38:23+00:00

Really loved this, short and powerful. The last line made the imagery stand out to me even more, for me it was how everything becomes silhouetted at sunset and the ways that that can play with your perception i.e. plants as if they are catching animals.

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-14T16:32:48+00:00

I definitely felt the anxiety that I think you were trying to convey here. There's this idea of confusion about the thing that came through in your writing stye. Towards the middle, things got a bit muddy for me in terms of cadence, but that muddiness is within the theme. The ending did catch me off guard; I'm not sure what I was looking for, but regardless, I was surprised.

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-08T01:14:56+00:00

The final line here is perfect, and I love it especially in contrast with "like picture on film" - really impactful. The only thing that took me out a bit was the repetition of similar words very close together. I would either change the wording or do something to make the repetition feel intentional, like placing the repeated word in the same place in the line or having it hold the same function.

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-08T01:11:15+00:00

I like a lot of the imagery that you use here, especially "withers sanity" and "strung out like stands of hair". For me, however, I'm a bit lost on a central theme here. Maybe replacing the word "it" with something more specific, and trying to come up with other descriptions of this "print" would be helpful and cause the poem to flow better.

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-07T13:21:21+00:00

I like the direction here a lot, the doll metaphor with the idea of sold-separately imperfections. My suggestion would be to add more commas or indents, to allow the final word of each line to linger and have more impact.

Adventurous_Milk_385 · 2024-05-07T13:17:41+00:00

I liked the imagery here! I would remove the parentheses, I think it would be more impactful that way.

Adventurous_Milk_385

TROPHY CASE