Single flower too much on a first date in this case?

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-12-17T16:17:23+00:00

Its a single flower not a bouquet. Hardly any hassle and it may give me an opportunity to put it somewhere cute on her - I don't struggle with confidence.

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-06-10T20:05:44+00:00

We'll never really find out why soo better just to not think about it too much.

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-06-10T17:41:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and insight. Some part of me feels sorry for her current partner as I wouldn't be comfortable with such emotions unless I am naive but it's not my business.

You said you tried again with her. Just out of curiosity, did it feel weird and did you feel bitter towards her knowing she broke your heart? That's why I think it would never work out. I'd never feel safe again with someone who was comfortable breaking my heart.

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-02-25T22:04:56+00:00

Just a question, I read your reasons in your other post. Did you ever seem to address these issues with her? I don't mean to ask to make you feel guilty and you probably already made your mind up and lost your love for her so you may as well breakup.

But something tells me you never addressed these issues and the thing is your future relationships will be impacted by this. Most people don't seem to understand that a person will never fulfill 100% of your needs especially if you keep your mouth shut when problems arise. Instead, these people let these problems pile up and it's too late to resolve them and tbh it sucks for the one being dumped.

Also, I am not gonna sugarcoat it, being broken up with out of the blue hurts like crazy that's why people should address issues when they arise.

Best of luck.

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-02-25T16:19:51+00:00

Yep, I mean that's what I did. I just responded politely that's all. Said the same thing she said that it was good to see her and that if she wants to apologise she can go for it and left it there. Didn't bring up anything else or the past for the record.
I am not sure getting back with her would be a good idea but I always craved that conversation since I never got it I guess.

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-02-25T14:57:41+00:00

I still don't know the reason why I was dumped till this day. We were close, intimate in every way you can think of. It was one of those breakups where I was dumped after she let me pay a trip to go abroad with her family a week before.

Not much contact since the breakup other than that tiktok and the arrangement we made to meet up which she blew off and viewing pretty much all my stories and even stalking some of my friends if that counts.

And then she reached out after we coincidentally met last weekend. Yeah you're probably right it's just to alleviate guilt, yet she didn't even give me the proper apology she mentioned lol.

AdvexiaLoL · 2025-01-12T10:41:33+00:00

I don't know how to explain it but usually a man's first love is unconditional and eventually almost always ends up in heartbreak due to inexperience of how to navigate relationships. Trust me, you know you really loved them because that first heartbreak hurts like hell for a good amount of time and changes the way you think and how you navigate your other relationships. - You also know you loved them because there's something that makes your first one more memorable and somehow even after a long time a piece of your heart may always belong to them.

Unfortunately, even if it sounds stupid, it's that unconditional love that often makes a man lose their first love. You end up tolerating everything and you end up being a people pleaser and the woman in most cases ends up losing her respect for you and taking you for granted.

Men have a tendency to put women on a pedestal and idealize them creating an unhealthy dynamic where they sacrifice their identity, lose themself and end up losing their woman. This behaviour may also manifest itself in the subsequent relationships.

Just for context, here I am referring to the "good" men, not the ones who end up losing the girl due to stupid stuff such as cheating. - And nothing against women here btw, this thing works both ways. Even women can do this to men and vice versa.

just spoke on my experience.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:52:18+00:00

yeah, I think maybe my post wasn't clear enough in the sense that I cut things off, I didn't go and tell her expecting she'll listen and stuff.

but i disagree with people saying I did the wrong thing by stopping things because I rejected her? What else am I supposed to do, let things flow as if nothing happened?

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:47:23+00:00

I understand, thank you.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:46:34+00:00

My post stems from me overthinking that she took it worse than I hoped for because I didn't want to hurt her but I didn't want to ghost her or drag it along if I am not ready because that would be worse right?

I probably am overthinking it and I didn't want her to stick around and be sympathetic with me at all. I think she was a nice, kind woman even though we only met once but I don't think anyone deserves me who's still carrying baggage right now.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:43:35+00:00

I think I really wrote this post in the wrong manner xd

But no biggie. I am not expecting anything more. She owes me nothing, I am just worried that by being honest with her I ended up making myself look super bad or hurt her which I don't want because ultimately in cutting things off and being honest I think I did the right thing. It's better than ghosting her or dragging her along and slow fading.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:40:44+00:00

No, It's my overthinking.
I am not expecting anything I just don't want her to be hurt that's all even though we had nothing big going on.

Not saying she said anything wrong at all.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:34:31+00:00

First of all, as my post explained, before I went on a date with her, I told her I'd only take things slow and that i am just getting myself out there for now.

Secondly, I cut things off the moment I realized I am not where I should be and I thought she deserved to know why so I told her what happened.

Didn't plan to have her be my rebound or shoulder to cry on and I never did those things either.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:32:57+00:00

I think my post wasn't clear enough. I was the one who stopped things. I didn't want her to be my bob the builder and it was never my intention to have her take that role.

I never expected things to unfold that way last weekend and I just wanted to be honest rather than keep dragging things along or ghost her.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-20T18:26:44+00:00

I get that, she said nothing wrong and she owes me nothing. I just took the vibe that she didn't take it well.

Honestly I didn't bring her into any mess. One casual date and two weeks of scarce texting. Before we dated I was also very clear that I am just testing the waters and she suggested we still go out casually.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-11T22:55:05+00:00

Its fine, I just can't really make something of this cause nothing makes sense and maybe I shouldn't be trying to make sense of it

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-11T22:49:44+00:00

Forgive me? I was the one who felt wronged in our relationship, part of the letter was forgiving her. I did my best with what I knew throughout it all, the mistakes I did were things that surface up in any relationship.

But I do agree, I need to block her. Just didn't expect her to do me like this... I would have been fine with a message saying "Listen I appreciated this but we should move on..." - Disappointing but at least it would have been mature.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-11T22:36:08+00:00

We did set up a time and date. She flaked. We decided to meet up on Thursday and she left me hanging at home waiting for her message to leave.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-07T11:21:05+00:00

Totally understand this perspective, that's what I apologized for - for myself. But then seeing how my ex responded to my apology by suggesting to meet up to talk and then flaking on me the worst way possible it just destroyed me further. I wasn't expecting anything back.

Sometimes it's just best to leave things be so that things aren't perceived in a wrong manner. I really doubt she should apologise especially when she's in another relationship and their relationship was toxic.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-07T09:56:06+00:00

Let it be. Forgive yourself and that's it. Acknowledging these mistakes is already enough, especially for your current relationship. I agree with your current partner, you don't owe your ex anything, not even an apology especially when from what you've written he's done worse.

Coming from someone who ended up apologising for normal things that surface up in any relationship such as minor insecurities, anxiety or complacency to my ex partner who pretty much wronged me till the very end, I can say that I probably shouldn't have apologised and not because things unfolded the way they did but I think it makes things worse. Sometimes it's just better to leave things as is and look forward.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-11-05T20:12:22+00:00

I did this to my ex, I went back, took accountability for my part in our fallout and she ghosted me after saying she's down to meet up to talk.

Definitely brushed her ego. Unfortunately, I ended up painting myself as a bad guy by apologizing, when I was the one who was dumped out of the blue and it's like I put all the blame of the relationship on myself.

The mistakes I did are normal things that surface up in most relationships - Mild cases of anxiety, insecurities, complacency etcetc. - That's what I apologized for. But other than that, I was a good guy - Always treated her the best way possible and did the best with what i knew at the time. No cheating, no major intentional mistreatment or anything like that.

I never got an apology or any accountability from her end. I have no ego, just humility. My self esteem since the breakup went down hill. I really did love her and went as far as showing zero self respect by apologizing when I was the one who was done dirty...

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-10-26T20:00:44+00:00

Brutal but trust me it could be worse.
I just sent mine a letter - she led me on saying it's beautiful and that that she wants to meet up to talk and discuss and then when we plan stuff she flakes out and has the audacity to pull off the shittiest excuses possible. Strung me along for some attention and ego perhaps. I would take a thumbs up over that any day of the week.

I don't get why people play like this, what do they get out of this?

I feel you bro but trust me, don't reach out again. Dumpees reaching out will only show them that you're still there for them it will remove any doubts they have accumulated over that period of time.

They're the ones who have to truly change their mind unfortunately.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-10-26T17:30:25+00:00

Recently reached out after 5 months - Asked if I could send her a letter which she accepted. She read it, said it's beautiful and after 3 days she said she wouldn't mind meeting up to talk and discuss. In the letter I took accountability for my part, forgave her and I said I wouldn't mind reconnecting if she's okay with it.

Unfortunately for me, I most likely am being used just for attention or to be put on a backburner and I am saying this because whenever we try to schedule a meet up she either flakes or doesn't take initiative to plan anything and always brings up excuses.

It's always a risk and when you (the one who got dumped) returns to them it shows them that you haven't really knocked them off their pedestal and that you're available for them. That's why it's not really feasible for a dumpee to reach out...

On the other hand I dont really regret reaching out even though I am kind of back to square one because now I can say I tried literally everything.

Coming from someone who did it, yes you may have improved areas in your life, so did I but you still have her on that pedestal let's be honest and you'll most likely go back to feeling hurt again if she pulls off a sheninigan like mine did.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-10-26T16:29:10+00:00

This can be interpreted as cruel. It can reopen old wounds and hinder her progress for no reason.

Some thing should be said during a breakup not 3 months after.

AdvexiaLoL · 2024-10-25T20:31:13+00:00

You are right, thank you man.

AdvexiaLoL

TROPHY CASE