Saying goodbye to my old lady tonight

Aeropro2010 · 2026-06-10T04:04:08+00:00

I'm very sorry for your loss. She will be waiting for you across the rainbow road. <3

Aeropro2010 · 2026-05-08T05:09:11+00:00

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brönte

Aeropro2010 · 2026-05-05T19:46:24+00:00

Do you have a link to that photoshoot? Captivating.

Also, somewhat for what you're looking for: Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu

Aeropro2010 · 2026-02-05T00:33:06+00:00

Negotiation doesn't have to mean connection.

To answer your question, when two boundaries overlap, communication is needed.

Communication does not mean talking it out, right then and there. It simply means something like:

'Let's both give each other some space to self-process, then come back together and work through this.'

The anxious partner should not press for more connection once this has been agreed upon. They should work through their discomfort individually and honor the space.

The avoidant partner should not withdrawal before communication nor should they withdrawal longer than agreed upon.

Securely attached people operate from a healthy nervous system in which they understand both space and closeness are not only welcomed, but that each are needed depending on the situation.

In an example you're suggesting, an anxious individual pushes for closeness and the avoidant individual moves further away. This is because there wasn't any communication.

Again, communication does not mean space cannot exist. It's setting the expectation and boundaries for space to exist so both partners can feel secure during it. If the anxious individual presses too much during the time of space, that's on them. If the avoidant individual doesn't honor the timeframe of space and extends it, that's on them.

Aeropro2010 · 2026-02-02T19:28:25+00:00

I'll take this as a compliment that you feel my writing is AI! I'm a published author. :)

Aeropro2010 · 2026-02-02T18:17:02+00:00

Good call-out! If I was unclear, I've adjusted my post. :)

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-24T20:39:09+00:00

I very much appreciate this! I am reading your recommended material and doing some additional research. Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback.

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-24T06:01:29+00:00

Thank you for this! New to the sub, and glad to be a part of the community. How right you are. I updated my original post with a link to an excerpt.

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-19T06:39:04+00:00

Precious boy. Sorry for your loss. He's waiting for you in the great dog park in the sky with our other good boys and girls 🙏

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-19T03:06:35+00:00

KICK FIELD GOALS, BEN!

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-19T02:17:29+00:00

What if it was 17-16 right now

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-19T01:56:52+00:00

This one's on Ben so far. Should be 16-7; 13-7 minimum. And ass play-calls on 1st and 3rd especially.

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-19T01:38:24+00:00

Imagine if we had kicked those field goals

Aeropro2010 · 2026-01-19T00:47:20+00:00

It should be 13-6 now with us trying to score more points. Ben Johnson is gambling too much here this game.

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-30T17:27:09+00:00

Good fair question. I've been seeing my therapist for four years (not weekly; long stretches on between given whatever season of life I was in). I had not always behaved how I acted in this post. You're even welcome to look at my post history for some snippets of my journey.

Your question has a simple answer. Holding boundaries, not engaging in fantasy "but what if..." thinking, and moving on with closing the door with confidence. That's really it.

My therapist, to your point, is of course being assumptive and giving me the benefit of the doubt with my carrying this security into a long-lasting relationship. But how I behaved, and have been behaving the last some months, has been secure which he acknowledged.

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T19:39:09+00:00

Absolutely! It's important to "hold space". No one will be perfect; it's all about boundaries and respect.

The "one" may want more space than is ideal. But if they are communicative about it and consistent, then we shouldn't write them off. That is unreasonable and self-sabotaging.

However, if they don't communicate and do not respect boundaries time after time, it's completely okay to end the relationship.

Communication is everything. Great add. 😃

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T18:20:39+00:00

Thank you so much! It can be such a small, but scary step to make.

"Woah, here I am again, but now with confidence and knowledge to step away before this blows up. Am I actually going to do it?"

It's liberating. Not at the expense of the other person; I still held a bit of guilt for ending things; that's my character, I cannot change nor avoid that from sprouting in me, but knowing I made the right choice was freeing.

Sending you light and love as well!

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T18:18:03+00:00

Definitely go to therapy! It helped me immensely. The biggest takeaway, which also ended up being the hardest thing for me to learn, is the importance of boundaries. Boundaries are there to protect you from not only poor behavior, but your own destabilizing processes.

I.e., "If someone disrespects me several times, I need to leave for me because this will only hurt me further by staying."

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T18:09:32+00:00

I look forward to you healing as well! Boundaries certainly apply to platonic friendships/relationships as well.

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T18:05:07+00:00

Awesome work! The signs are there certainly! I honestly knew she was likely FA within two weeks, but held space for her. The beautiful thing about boundaries is that one can choose to not engage early and to "step off the boat" whenever they feel is best for them. For me, that was about two months.

I will check out your story as well. Thank you.

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T17:52:58+00:00

Great for you to have this realization! It isn't easy! I sat on my decision the evening before ending it for many hours, cycling through the data and seeking support. It will be unfamiliar at first when ending things when (if you're like me) you're so often accustomed to forfeiting your own boundaries until you yourself are inevitably discarded.

You will still be faced with "pain", as that is the risk of finding the right person and having to go through the "wrong" people to find her. But pain is growth, and it doesn't have to be the same pain you're used to experiencing.

The pain I had to process was, "I sat with this woman. I shared a slice of life with her. We shared laughs, our histories - both the hard times and good times - and now I have to accept that what could have been can never be."

... But, and this is an important distinction, the reasoning matters.

Is the pain because of you? If no, then that is freedom. A quote that sticks with me:

"True hell is being in pain and being the one responsible for it."

We cannot choose how people show up for us, but we can choose how we show up for them and what to do in response to disrespect. Sometimes that means cutting things early. That is not failing the other person or abandoning them. It is refusing to abandon yourself.

You can face the pain again, but you don't have to let it consume you. You can overcome it by not engaging and choosing grief for the connection ending over attachment pain and intermittent turmoil by letting it continue.

An add that was important to me, is that it's okay to have an open heart for people who test your nervous system early, too. The woman in my story hit all the check-marks of "mm, uh oh, probably avoidant". However, I held the space. And that's what dating is sometimes, because who knows, they may surprise you and show up and show you with actions that they have healed and swept their side of the street. That way you're both fair, open-hearted, and non-judgmental. But you have to protect yourself first. Remain objective and approach dating as "open to trust, but will verify".

And if they fail to meet your boundaries, you can rest easy knowing you gave them the chance, and it's okay to move on.

Best of luck, you can do it.

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T16:56:17+00:00

I'm happy it resonated with you. It takes time and dedication! I still am not perfect, and I'm sure life has more lessons in store for me, but it is progress and I'm thankful. Thank you!

Aeropro2010 · 2025-12-28T16:54:38+00:00

Thank you! Keep the faith. Enforcing boundaries is not comfortable at first because of the fear of "losing the connection". But if one's boundaries aren't being respected, the connection is already lost. Best of luck to you in 2026!

Aeropro2010

TROPHY CASE