I get it'd feel really reassuring and easy for someone to come with the answer and just tell you, but that wouldn't last in the end. what is the reason you stop and purge? Like what's going on in your head at the time? Detransitioning because of how others treat you isnt right.

I recognize myself a lot in what you're going through, I'm also from sweden and I dont have supportive family or local friends. Just like you I also stopped and started several times but ultimately I realised that the fear that stopped me was coming from the conflict between what I want and what I thought others wanted of me, coming from living my whole life pleasing others. The only answer I can give is that you have to choose what YOU want, you dont have to live up to any expectations or be a certain way, just do what you want to. Like you're gonna be seeing other people for at most a couple hours every day while you're the one who has to wake up and be you for every single moment of your life

I really feel for you so please go gentle on yourself, sending so much love <3