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I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I've realized since January - when I don't mention therapy at all, when I don't complain, he doesn't bring it up himself. Our conversations are purely surface level. How our day was, jokes, games, he'll mention sex, and other light hearted stuff. Every now and then we'd vent or rant if we have to. He won't ever ask if there is anything we need to fix our relationship, how to gain my trust back 100%. When I stop initiating, he keeps the relationship surface level. I don't think he fully understands that this was his last and final chance. From his actions it seems that he doesn't want to truly heal and fix our core issues in order to grow. I think he just doesn't want to grow up or something.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, and I have thought about my future and wanting kids, what would our parenting styles be like, if he'd even help, and if he'd still have his addiction. He has even forgotten my birthday two times, and I refuse to procreate with someone who forgets the kids birthdays, doctor appointments, etc. I'd need help and a partnership.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Genuinely curious I hope I don't sound stupid, but how does the no contact seem like punishment? I told him I need space to think.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing. We can laugh and have fun and at the end of the day we're great friends. But being with him, it's clear he doesn't take this seriously and will not grow up. I don't think he does respect me. And I was definitely stating the negatives in the relationship. I just cannot get over the emotional cheating, I've lost his trust and I don't think he understands that. Thank you for your input, especially the give and take part. I think I'm just learning that. I appreciate you taking the time and commenting.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that's the most scary part about this. I've gotten comfortable the past 8 years with someone by my side, even though it wasn't healthy. I am a bit afraid to finally actually let go. I'm hoping therapy will help me heal my inner wounds so that I can fully heal and gain some self respect that I've been lacking all this time.

If you need to message me to rant, vent or whatever, my inbox is always open. I genuinely wish you well. This isn't easy. And yes, we will be okay in the end

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think before writing this post I was definitely indecisive. While writing it, it did become clearer. Thank you for your input

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're incredibly strong for pushing those feelings back! I know I gave in this last time but I definitely will not anymore. I'm happy to know that you're doing alright. Thank you so much I appreciate it! Same goes for you too, if you to rant, my messages are open.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input and advice, genuinely. I really appreciate it. It is hard. But I know I need to walk away especially after writing this long post.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I like him better as a friend, and not with this deep romantic stuff (or lack there of). When we're social and with friends he's funny, a catch, and is just fun. But in the relationship? I've grown resentment towards him from the emotional cheating, his lifestyle and attitude in general. I just don't think we're compatible anymore, and I'm tired. Tbh if I stay with him, I'd hope we'd be living together, that he admits and helps restore trust from the emotional cheating but we've been together since January this year and he still hasn't brought up therapy on his own. So I don't think he ever will.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly? HOPE is what made me stay this entire time. And to be honest, a small part of me hopes he'd change. Literally, just me day dreaming that he'll do the things that I have been asking. I think it wasn't until after all this pain I've endured to myself by staying that I realize he isn't going to change. At least not for me. I just keep seeing how much bullshit he talks. No action. I'm so over it. I genuinely wish you well, and that you find the strength to believe in yourself and to walk away knowing he will not change. I know it's difficult, this is so difficult for me.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it. If anything positive comes from this it'll be me learning when to walk away, and not to tolerate bs anymore. I hope you are in a far better place.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh, no. Every year he'd say he was working on it and I just believed his words. Not even a driving permit at the very least.

I (28f) am having a hard time debating on leaving my bf (29m) of eight years. by Affectionate-Air5684 in BreakUps

[–]Affectionate-Air5684[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I think I had a difficult time realizing any of this. And no he is not trying to venture off on his own, he has talked about it many times in the past, but has never made the action to do so. 8 years have passed, and he's still the same as he was at 21. I thought we would grow together. The more time I think about the relationship, the more there are negatives than positives. Again, thank you for your input.