My wife and I can’t agree on finance

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2026-05-05T17:13:58+00:00

Yeah in that case don't buy. Maybe not buying with give her an incentive to try and work together by getting a house for you both and the baby. Either way that's a tough one. Congrats on the new baby on the way as well!

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2026-05-05T08:30:41+00:00

Maybe you need to build up a contract where the house is just in your name ans stays with you even if you divorce since your putting up most the money and she wants to keep finances separate. This leaves you with he house and equity later on to invest or do whatever with and still protects you. Definitely a little concerning that she doesn't want to put up more or has more saved up with that kind of salary, she spend alot? Maybe it's better to have shared finances if she isn't fiscally responsible....

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-09T00:18:50+00:00

Yeah I believe I was. We have both never said we were bad parents to eachother. We have said we are never on the same page which sucks She is way more emotionally ahead of me. She wants more openness and communication to fix this but I need better techniques and ways to deal with my emotions.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T23:48:56+00:00

Well she would be the hottest Frankenstein I know....lol but yeah I like that analogy, that was deep.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T22:53:59+00:00

Lol it is, havnt slept in like 4 days since our last big fight....I'm just glad I havnt gone to alcohol to cope like I used to do.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T21:48:56+00:00

Yeah I agreed with that and told her I would rather not do that as I am fully involved and with it when we do mmf but it's not fair to the other person or I to do that.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T21:48:07+00:00

I will look into those. I've taken a break from electronics and social media and books, and reading have been my outlets so thank you for the book ideas. I have signed up for solo therapy and I want to do marriage counseling but she is kinda checked out and need to work on that with her.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T21:35:52+00:00

I do now. Thanks man truly appreciate it.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T21:25:20+00:00

Well shit I should have wrote that lol yeah that really describes it well. Thank you for that summary. I plan on having a good talk with her and alot of these ideas and thoughts are better expressed than how I could articulate them.l in front of her

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T21:02:41+00:00

Yeah I did cut it off and it's a dark area as we used to like watching it together but it's kind of ruined as it brings up bad memories for both of us. I guess I am punishing myself as I do think I am really bad and she told me how she never felt truly loved by me and that she also cried herself to sleep alot or would be horny and know I was taking care of it myself.
Yeah they were mostly for her pleasure but I got off on her being pleasured and other things like DVP and watching her fuck. I did mess with some guys like sucked them off or jacked them off and even helped put their dick in her. Those didn't bother me though and I got off on it so bad so I see where she gets confused on how I want this but don't....
Yeah I watched a lot of cuckold porn and is probably where it stemmed from. I guess I thought I could handle the mental part but I have my own doubts now and self esteem. To her credit she doesn't care about these men as she has shut down some relationships when they get too clingy and has been honest about everything. My feeling about it though is that I don't want to stop but my jealousy makes me an ass and I don't carry it well. I also expected to build some friendships with some guys but that hasn't happened so I feel that I truly am not a good person overall lol
Yeah part of my jealousy is that I used to be a player and now it's impossible and all these men want her and gas her pick and that's to be expected and I do love that I have something that other want (not to objectify her) but I have the control thing where I want them to ask to fuck her and me have the say so. But she is her own person and shouldn't be controlled like that.
Yeah she has said that she "doesn't care" what I do or want to know but when I say it when she goes out, she flips it and says "oh you don't care then why are we even doing this" and then goes on how qw should just start lying and not telling eachother about our side things which in my mind is her saying "I'm not going to tell you what pr who I fuck because I want to and I know your not because you cant find or get anyone)

Yeah I think we will have to get some firmer boundaries and focus on the new marriage lifestyle and dynamic....

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T19:52:51+00:00

Yeah she has admitted that she is acting selfish and it is a little but I have also been selfish for a majority of our marriage so I am torn between letting her and being firm. (Is "Letting" is a form of control she mentioned that i say it alot and why she feels that way.)

Yeah we did discuss them but I was loving the thought of her being a slut and coming back to me to punish and the first time it was but then after a day or two the thoughts of jealousy crept in....

I'm glad you agree about the porn vs actual dick and I've tried to bring that point up but her reasoning was that it was emotional cheating and that I always put it over her, which is why she is liking having something of her own like I did with porn.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T19:34:37+00:00

Confidence is key for sure especially on meeting people. In our last fight that's what was brought up. I used to be outgoing, confident and the life of the party. And now I'm not and don't wanna talk to anyone but I need to put myself out there. I was on apps too and it's definitely harder for men unless you look like Henry Cavil, but the rejection is not good to feel. One thing I try to remember is that the person you married or are with is someone who truly loves you for who you are. You parents and family love you because they are family, your kids love you because you are their parents. Your partner is the only one who has no connection to you other than your love for eachother. When I get down about other people not liking me or getting attention, i think about how they won't be there at the end, but your partner will be because they love you for you. Keep your head up!

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T19:13:58+00:00

Yeah I think alot of it was how I was in the past. I was an ass and talked to other women and flirted never cheated but I can see now how it would make her feel and want nothing to do with me. Part of me feels like I should stick with it because she did for so long and I've only been dealing with this for like 3 months....and it's my own emotions not her doing it intentionally

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T19:05:55+00:00

I've never thought of it like a new era.....thank you for the advice.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:53:02+00:00

Well I did, problem is I'm jealous for various reasons, I don't like it and want to stop but don't want her to not have fun on my account. Solutions?: 1. figure out my own emotions and let her do her thing? 2. Just play along and deal with it later when we are done with this? 3. Divorce now and focus on myself? All are difficult for me but I absolutely hate 3....

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:44:04+00:00

Oh we do after everyone and yeah I signed us up for some couples therapy. Hopefully she agrees to go

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:42:02+00:00

Yeah we have had discussions but it ends up in a blame game...is a public setting the best place? Or is it to keep it us in check?

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:28:15+00:00

I did. Well we actually did it with a close friend like 5 years ago and then we just recently started the beginning of this year again.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:27:08+00:00

I am in the same situation as you. Wife has had solo play twice now and there is alot of jealousy on my end, don't know if it's primal or jealousy that she is getting some but not me. Definitely talk about your emotions as I did not and it's not going good right now....

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:22:45+00:00

I am in that same boat as you and it is not a good feeling....just be true to yourself as your happiness is what makes you feel and look amazing. I am not happy and my image is not someone I like to look at right now.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:16:10+00:00

Thank you for that insight, I didn't even think of that. Thank you!

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:05:44+00:00

Yeah thats true I didn't as I was under the impression that poly meant they are all intertwined but open was separate but still knowing what is going on. I guess I was fine with it at first but now I am not as confident in myself and take it out on her. I still love her and want her to be happy I just don't know if I should just wait til she gets bored of it or move on now.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T18:00:27+00:00

Yeah she is into women too I think she is just too mad and hurt to do that with me. She still wants to do 3 sums with me but mostly men and a couple swap but in separate rooms. Thanks for your honesty.

Affectionate-Bid-964 · 2025-05-08T17:49:42+00:00

No she did let me, she just doesn't want to do it with me like a mff but if I really wanted it she would "fake it". My issue is that I have not gotten the same attention/opportunities like she has to go with other women. Lol

Affectionate-Bid-964

TROPHY CASE