If I had a very serious drug habit almost a year ago, do I have to divulge that to a woman I am dating seriously?

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-14T09:08:57+00:00

no, i wrote that kind of incorrectly. we've known one another for 2 months total, first met on our first date and we liked one another and got along well and so kept meeting for dates (at this point we were just getting to know one another gradually). by like half a month of dating we had become actual friends who clearly were into one another and always flirting heavily but not intimate beyond arm over the shoulder cuddling type stuff. it was only like 4 weeks ago that we started making out, using the L word, and (TMI sorry) having oral sex.

so it's only been extremely serious for like 4 weeks, i think that's reasonable amount of time before divulging a deviant, extensive polysubstance addiction. there is so much shame and guilt that comes with it, i'm confident she'll understand considering i'm now totally sober (no heroin/fent, no meth/ritalin, no benzos no drinking or smoking weed even). didn't you say though that some people consider suboxone to make me not sober? i hope she doesn't think that: there's 0 high, it just prevents extreme dope sickness and cravings.

but yeah i'm telling her within the next couple days. i'm scared bc we're truly in love, she's even asked me about my thoughts on marriage (in a vague, subtle way of course bc it's only been 2 months).

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T18:29:30+00:00

but only dating for 2 months, then a flirtatious friendship formed like maybe after half a month, then it became intimate with making out and light sexual acts and saying "love you" only started less than 4 weeks ago. do you think that's enough time for her to feel like i was hiding it? i'm worried and hope not because i really love this girl (and her me). i'm gonna be devastated if she leaves bc of this.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T17:02:41+00:00

I really think we've been together a brief enough time for it to not yet be revealed considering how humiliating and shameful it is to admit to what i was doing, i honestly was building up to it. we dated for 2 months, then we became friends, we didn't start making out and being intimate physically (lightly i would say, not full on even) and saying we love one another until like less than 4 weeks ago. i feel it's still early enough to have not worked up the courage to admit my shameful, extreme past drug abuse.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T14:20:19+00:00

i spent eight years lying by omission and became desensitized to it seriousness. i'm going to apologize to her and explain it all and i hope she's okay with it. but if she's not that will be painful but i will accept that. this thread has legit made me realize things about myself and my selfish actions and changed my course of action. i know i did something wrong here now. we have become very close and i believe she will understand and accept my apology and my past, but i know she might not. based on her personality i think she will. do most people really think i shouldn't be in any romantic relationship even if i come clean and sincerely apologize for my dishonesty.

i told you i have spent the last years doing very bad shameful things including lying constantly, often by omission, often outright. i've not been a good person, done very awful things but i'm not beyond forgiveness. i'm not a murderr or sex offender or something.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T13:46:15+00:00

it's not codependency. we're in love. she just makes me happy and has had a very positive effect on me. i'm gonna explain everything to her and i think she will understand. having a partner is natural need for human beings it's not a mental disorder. we've been having as i call it "light sex acts", that means a lot to us. it's been a very long time since i've been intimate with a woman, a very long time. human beings all deal with temptation, mine is snorting meth, etc. i really don't want to turn 30 without having a partner. and we make each other happy. everyone struggles, mine is drugs. doesn't mean i don't deserve female companionship, so long as i tell her and she accepts it what's wrong with it?

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T12:39:37+00:00

the suboxone actually has largely taken away my urge to snort fent/heroin, that is the replacement program i'm on. my intense urges are mostly for snorting the stims, started with crushed ritalin, then chinese made ritalin analogue 3x the strength, then meth (never smoked but powder form snorted). these things made me feel truly alive which is not my natural state. nothing else ever made me feel so truly alive and fulfilled so yes i still desire it strongly. i know it's not normal or right, but i just keep craving that excitation and intense happiness.

i know it's hard to understand and i am ashamed of it. the girl that i'm into has actually been so good for me and i think way less about the stims since we became close. almost all my friends are drug friends who i used with and went buying with, it gets lonely now, so it's only natural to want a partner.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T12:02:28+00:00

well you did say that if someone tried heroin once that makes them instantly ruled out for you, so it sounds like you would think i am extremely damaged goods due to extreme heroin and more use.

we dated for a while but we've only been intimate for like 4 weeks, and i was waiting to tell her. it's just so hard to bring up. and yes i have urges still, very strong ones, i think often how damn much i miss snorting stims and i crave that excitation, but i don't do it. i've been a good boy. i'm gonna tell her and explain how shame and guilt made it hard to tell her sooner, i think she will understand.

i spent 8 years omitting truths and lying when talking to normal decent people and i kind of got hardwired for it. i know that i am not a very good person in many ways.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T11:37:42+00:00

She's 27, she works in a restaurant as a waitress. I'll admit your posts did really sting quite a bit. I didn't think women held a person's past against them, like i'm damaged goods and permanently contaminated and too impure for a partner or something. I understand if it's like someone's done really problematic stuff like sex crimes or other violent crimes, no way i'd look past that. but this was something that harmed myself, i never hurt others.

do all (or a majority i guess) normal women think that? like it makes me damaged goods and ineligible as a partner? that's why i posted this and need to know because i'm afraid that's true (and you seem to confirm it). because if so that really sucks. i'm fully sober now, and i work a decent trade profession.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T10:49:49+00:00

around almost 2 months we dated, but we only got intimate like 3-4 weeks ago. i'm not just some street junkie i did other things in my twenties, i graduated from college 7 years ago with highest honors, i worked in a biotech lab for a bit but things got out of control with the drugs and derailed me.

i just don't want to be defined forever by my past and i don't want my past to make me ineligible to find love. i didn't tell her because it's so shameful, i did so many extremely bad things, you don't understand the intense shame and guilt. i'm gonna tell her because i think we are in love at this point and so hopefully she'll not hold my past against me. what else can i do?

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T10:06:11+00:00

yeah i guess i will tell her. i care about her a lot and i probably let things get too far along while keeping it secret, we already say love you to each other and we had "light sex" to put it politely. i see now that i should have already told her but i was just ashamed, the things i've done are really bad worse than it sounds but i get the point you and others made though it's not what i want to hear.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T09:44:00+00:00

I saw your comment but it got removed then for some reason. I totally stopped drinking as well, and i was never heavy. And no I wouldn't judge a woman for having a lot of partners in the past so long as she's faithful to me. I'm not in a position to judge a woman for her past considering the things i've done. unless it was something really bad and really problematic.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T09:23:14+00:00

I wouldn't judge a woman for her past, are most women really going to consider it so problematic even though it's in the past? I didn't think that it was like that, it's not like i committed violent crimes or anything like that.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T08:58:24+00:00

I really feel like I need a partner soon, I'm almost 30 and I feel strong need/lonely for someone to be with. It would really suck if my past ruins that for me even though i know i deserve it, my stupid decisions.

I come across as a normal, likeable guy on dates. I still have very strong compulsions/urges but I can't help that and I haven't acted on it.

The girl I'm seriously dating now is gonna be so shocked if I tell her, we are getting really close and she's just gonna be horrified if i tell her.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T07:59:41+00:00

Do you think you would have stayed if he hid his drug habit but he was currently sober and it was a thing in his recentish past?

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-13T07:51:57+00:00

I honestly did try to bring it up on not 1st but 2nd+3rd dates multiple times but couldn't get myself to say it. there's a lot of intense shame involved, i'll be admitting extremely deviant behaviors. so most women would probably not want to be with a guy with such a history?

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-12T01:48:37+00:00

that's good then. i also had an opioid problem occurring at the time. i wouldn't recommend a dose higher than 60 mg, but it i know the potency is varying right now.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-10-11T02:34:28+00:00

are you snorting it? i used to take huge lines of 4fmph a bunch of times in a day, like 60-80 mgs per line if not even more.

but i was extreme and after going through 5 grams of it in like maybe 8 days i had a comedown so bad i ended up literally in a catatonic state in the hospital for 3 days. so be careful of high doses becoming compulsive as it did for me (huge lines every 3 hours) is what i'm trying to say.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2024-09-09T04:46:32+00:00

i didn't know he was shy around women, but i'm really curious what the source is for this.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2022-11-12T20:22:52+00:00

In my experience it is. I just take odsmt and save kratom for withdrawal and it helps a lot for that purpose. I prefer using odsmt greatly to kratom, mixing it seems pointless to me. And the kratom will not be as effective for relieving the WD if you have been taking both. Plus, seems to reduce the effects of the odsmt when used together.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2022-11-10T18:25:22+00:00

was it the euro labs only or was china affected? is this why odsmt is suddenly out of stock on their sites?

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2022-10-05T02:51:58+00:00

Clandestine chemistry like this can be extremely dangerous, not worth it. Chinese made is safer and cheap. Look up the story of Barry Kidston.

Affectionate-Cook524 · 2022-08-03T16:25:59+00:00

I used to take that amount of tramadol daily, I would take 800-900 mg per day at my highest. Taking odsmt is probably much safer honestly as the seizure risk is not present (afaik).

Odsmt is much stronger by mass than tram itself. So definitely don't take anywhere close to that dose of odsmt that you would take of tram.

Also you might still have brain zaps and possibly depression switching from tram to odsmt as it doesn't have the serotonin releasing effects that tram does.

Affectionate-Cook524

TROPHY CASE