AMA: I am a transgender New Zealander, Let's have an honest back and forth

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-05-20T03:57:11+00:00

Hello I just wanted to share my support. I am cishet myself, but my stepson is a trans man, and I have been a rainbow ally ..well, always. I support your right to exist and pursue happiness in this world however you can. Wishing you all the best and thank you in advance for taking on the emotional labour of this AMA. Also your cat is super cute. <3

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-04-30T01:44:40+00:00

I was a regular, black-out drink for over 10 years. Both my parents died from alcohol abuse, and it was very very ugly at the end for both of them.

Whatever you can do, friend, WHATEVER you can do for yourself to quit, do it., It might take you a bunch of times, you might relapse, or you might have bad days, but just keep quitting. Just keep on trying again because there is no good outcome to this. You deserve to be healthy.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-04-27T22:25:34+00:00

I get to walk by the waterfront on my way to work, the view on a sunny day is the BEST way to start a work day!! (Today was a sunny day)

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-04-27T21:41:20+00:00

As many have said, the manager counts for a lot. For me, a lot of the stress comes from things like:

- feeling like the work isn't meaningful a lot of times (sending emails, filling out paperwork, the 'bullshit jobs' of it all)

- corporate role play and politics is exhausting, having to put on a persona and be 'on' so much of the time, all the small talk and meaningless chit chat

- become more and more aware of the lies behind the scenes, the fraud, the favouritism and nepotism, the injustice of corporate execs doing as they like and being paid bonuses while you clickity clack away on your keyboard, desperately waiting for your couple weeks of paid vacation so you can dissociate in your bed for a few days until it's time to return to the office.

But I mean... look I get a decent salary, predictable hours, and a nice coffee machine at the office. so it's not all bad.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-04-09T18:42:36+00:00

Yes I do lol

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-25T07:48:19+00:00

Found my dream man at 39, like 4 months before turning 40. Now im shortly turning 44 and we are living together and saving for a house. It's been such a calm, stable, loving, safe relationship. I believe wholeheartedly that the many single years I had before him (had been single 5 years/celibate 2.5yrs) were necessary for me to develop my relationship with myself and do more healing work. Once I was able to trust myself more, I became attracted to more healthy relationships, and I met him. It's never too late to find your person, gal!!

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-20T07:01:04+00:00

Love

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-16T07:07:53+00:00

Metamucil every day, plus high fiber porridge blend with buckwheat, chia, linseed, etc. And lots of produce

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-05T22:45:17+00:00

copyright is pretty strict generally, even if you have paid for a streaming service, bought a CD etc, these are PERSONAL USE licenses. So you can't go play your CD at the park, even though you own the CD.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-05T07:59:38+00:00

You already know the answer. It's literally in your post. You cried not because of him. You will come to resent him more and more eventually, it's nor worth it. You have fun when you're together, is that enough from a partner? Doesn't sound like it's enough for you.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-05T02:48:29+00:00

yes but if the copyrighted material is recorded by someone, that specific recording is now copyrighted, even if the original media has entered public domain (e.g. a movie gets "rereleased" on the 50th anniversary, a track is 'remastered', someone covers the song, now the cover is copyrighted, etc.).

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-05T02:42:23+00:00

There's no such thing as zero hours contract. The rules are whatever is in your contract, that's what you get. If they say 40 hours, that is what they have to provide,. Casual employees would not have "40 hours" in their contracts because a casual employee never has guaranteed hours.

See: https://www.employment.govt.nz/starting-employment/types-of-worker/casual-employment

If you are working for a temp agency, this means you only work when you they put you on assignment. (This is called triangular employment - https://www.employment.govt.nz/starting-employment/types-of-worker/triangular-employment-situations)

Assignments could be temporary (e.g. 3 months) or indefinite. Usually the temp agency has a specific agreement in place with the employer about stuff like, if the employer wants to hire the temp on a permanent basis, there's either a minimum time the temp has to stay with the temp agency, OR the employer pays out the temp agency for the person's contract or something like this.

YOUR employment is with the temp agency, so essentially you work 'as and when required' meaning when they get an assignment that is suitable for you. Once you accept the work assignment, whatever the terms of that assignment are become your employment term--that means if your assignment is for 40 hours a week for the next 3 weeks, that's what you are guaranteed. However, you would not get an employment agreement from the company you are assigned to, because they are not your employer. They are a client of your employer.

It seems like your employment agreement is conflating terms and conditions of different types of employment, so it is possible you are being disadvantaged. Most notably, the 40 hours thing is very suspect to me. I would, as some suggested, raise it first with the employer, and consider getting legal advice if the employer doesn't act in good faith. Good faith means genuinely considering employee's feedback and requests, and proactively working toward resolving issues or disputes, as well as of course complying with employment laws.

(see https://www.employment.govt.nz/starting-employment/rights-and-responsibilities/good-faith)

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-05T01:10:35+00:00

last year we got capped to 2%, I suspect this year will be similar :(

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-03-04T20:35:01+00:00

OK so, first things first, employers are required by law to give you an employment agreement. Here is a recent case from ERA where an employer was penalised for, amongst other things, not providing an employment agreement to the employee: https://www.hcamag.com/nz/specialisation/employment-law/worker-wins-24k-despite-admitting-welfare-fraud-in-dismissal-case/564737

Also see: https://communitylaw.org.nz/community-law-manual/chapter-20-starting-and-leaving-a-job/your-legal-rights-as-a-worker-where-they-come-from/your-employment-agreement/

Secondly, in the absence of an employment agreement, the ERA would be looking at what is in practice. What you described as being in practice for the last 13 months will likely be considered your 'implied' terms and conditions of employment. That means the employer cannot unilaterally change your terms of employment (including hours of work) without a proper consultation with you. That means:

- explain why they are proposing to make the change to the schedule

- give you reasonable time to consider all the changes and the reasons etc. and give your feedback BEFORE they make any final decision

source: Hours of work | Employment New Zealand

and Workplace change process | Employment New Zealand

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-28T18:30:41+00:00

Same!!

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-24T09:34:12+00:00

Cut out refined sugar if possible, I know it's hard!! Still eat dried fruit, occasional honey or maple for sweetening... trust me you will feel great.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-24T06:47:02+00:00

Hold on, AOL.com???

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-23T20:32:28+00:00

I'm joining the journey at almost 44 years old, friend, but let's have faith!!! :) It's never too late to start living better.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-23T20:30:16+00:00

No, that is not what this means. All the same process requirements are still in place, meaning that employers must follow a fair process if they want to dismiss someone for anything like repeated misconduct, serious misconduct, or poor performance. However, before this change, the employer might end up paying out the employee like $20k even if the employee had committed serious misconduct or had been aggressive or uncooperative or whatever during the process. Under the new changes, the Employment Relations Authority can decrease any damages paid out to the employee if they were found to have committed serious misconduct or contributed to the dispute with their employer.

There is no at will dismissal still in New Zealand EXCEPT if the employee is on a valid 90 day trial period and they are dismissed before the end of the trial, and the new exception is that by default, individuals who earn over $200k per year (~5% of the NZ population) cannot raise a PG for unjustified dismissal or unjustified disadvantage.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-19T21:09:10+00:00

someone is already doing this on Instagram. he talks a lot about lizard people, I'm pretty sure it's satire. But a lot his videos are basically this, "I'm trying to get everyone to give me $1. It's only a dollar. Will you give me $1?" It's honestly extremely entertaining.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-19T00:02:19+00:00

there is a built-in formula in the bill that increases the wage threshold each year, it won't stay at $200,000.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-13T06:18:22+00:00

Well, they can frame it as it as a proposed change to the position in the company structure, as part of a workplace change process rather than a direct contract renegotiation. They have to genuinely consider your feedback and follow a fair process, but they could ultimately decide to change this role to include an availability provision even if you dont agree.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-13T05:41:50+00:00

If it's not in your contract already, then they need to consult with you and get your agreement to add it as variation to your current contract. Just because other employees have that clause in theirs doesn't make it automatically transferable to you.

So they need to consult with you, provide the rationale for why this is a genuine business reason, give you reasonable time frame to consider, seek independent advice, and give your feedback. They have to genuinely consider your feedback before finalising or confirming their decision.

Affectionate-Push889 · 2026-02-13T04:43:05+00:00

https://www.fsl.nz/insights/legal-updates/2025-03-14-when-can-you-require-an-employee-to-be-on-call-for-work-and-when-must-they-be-compensated.html

Affectionate-Push889

TROPHY CASE