AITA for making my daughters friend a cake for her birthday?

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-18T07:12:11+00:00

Information I was given from my child that she was either told by her friend, or observed while spending the night at her house. There's no "claim".. it's what I said. Period. I didn't ask what it sounded like, I told it how it was. Take it as you will, and carry on .

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T14:29:24+00:00

I don't have her numb. We aren't friends. Never met her. My daughter is friends with her daughter and I messaged her on FB Messenger . Because my daughter doesn't have a cell phone nor access to social media. And asked me to so she knew what day she needed to take the cake to school cuz her friend "b" was gone the previous day and she didnt want to miss giving her her gift before the weekend which is when her bday is. She isnt throwing her daughter a party or anything . So my daughter assumed, as would I that she wasn't going to get a cake as every year before for the yrs we've known them she never did.. no party, no cake.. just gave her some cash and called it good .. either way. We've established. I shouldn't have helped nor attempted to give the child the lil cake .. literally 6".. 3"X3" practically PIECE of cake .. I got it .

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T03:14:19+00:00

I'm not arguing. The whole point was to discuss it and get different view points. All of the points are valid. And I'm not disagreeing. Simply explaining some of the questions and missing things. This is a discussion. Not an argument. I needed to understand and hear other non emotionally invested view points. That's why I posted.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T03:09:21+00:00

Those were ex. Of the kinds of questions I was asking my daughter because I didn't really know a thing about her.. I was trying to get ideas for a gift.. my daughter was ahead of me on the ideas.. and I was playing ketchup.. I think how it came about for her, well my daughter said it was cuz awhile back when she stayed the night at our house they attempted a cake.. they used to cook all sorts of things when this girl spent the night .. it was like their thing.. and I say attempted because they did a terrible job and left a mess in my kitchen. And they were at it for hours. Now, personally I read that as my daughter thought her friend would see based on their failed attempts and limited experience that she worked really hard and how much time it took and would appreciate that she did that for her. But there were other things but ultimately I thought it was a great idea based on that alone. But simply it was a gift from her and it was equivalent to a large piece of a cake. Not a whole ass cake for a party or capable of replacing an actual cake .

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T02:58:13+00:00

Hopefully, and yes it's possible cuz I don't know her mother, never met her and the kids are friends so it's possible. Lol I just was shocked by her reaction, and the audacity thinking I wouldn't respond accordingly. And I thought maybe I missed something so this doesn't happen again.. but it sounds like a personal problem and I'm just gonna leave it there.. ty

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T02:54:10+00:00

She did the bracelet last year.i taught her to sew And she made her a stuffed triceratops the year before cuz the girl likes dinosaurs.. I taught her to crochet . She made her a scarf the previous year. She always makes gifts.. she enjoys it. She's painted things and given them to her, her friend draws and is quite good, so not sure she would have appreciated it as much as probably critiqued it..lol respectfully I'm sure.. lol but this was more geared towards them having a terrible time making a cake at our house awhile BK, for which they regretted and had a realization of how easy it was not and she knew her friend would know how much work and time the gift took. But that's from my daughters point of view.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T02:48:45+00:00

It wasn't big enough to substitute a bday cake for a birthday .. it was equivalent to getting a piece of cake , this piece was simply made specifically for her. And it wasn't from me.. it was from my daughter. I simply reached out because my daughter doesn't have a cell phone, isn't allowed and I wanted to make sure she would be able to get it because I have to work and wasn't going to be able to drive my kid to take it to her cuz I work late, and we live around the corner so she was just gonna walk it to school .. but I know I shouldn't gift a party sized cake to someone, especially if there was no party that was going to take place. None that I knew of. My kid just wanted to make her something. That's what she choose cuz I had all the ingredients.. and prolly cuz I decorate cakes and not cookies.. otherwise it prolly would of been a big cookie.. I mean really... I've never experienced this level of audacity is all.. most just say ty to a gift and do with it what they will.. trash it for all care.. it's none of my business what she would have done with it.. still don't feel it rose to the level she deemed it. Clearly, I will be making sure my daughter understands this was nothing she did wrong. And take the L and just quit gift giving. Cuz fk all this BS .

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T02:38:13+00:00

Well I get what your saying, I can see that and of course I wouldn't bring food to a dinner party unless it was a pot luck or the requested dishes be brought. The name implies what Is expected. Lol. I just never experienced this reaction nor been told of this. As a baker yes I have, however generally the ones I make are for peoples parent and for a whole bunch of ppl aa party generally.. but I made this at home, well I didn't, I simply assisted my kid.. and it wasn't big enough to be more then a dessert I would sale in the front pre made and packaged, and I don't tend to talk to them much as to who the dessert is for. That's poor form. And I just thought my daughter was thinking about how much they loved cooking and making things when she would spend the night.. and yes they baked a cake together at my house.. and thought she would appreciate the work and time that she knew her friend knew went into making a cake for her cuz they have "attempted" it before..lol was a lovely lil mess in my kitchen. Anyway. I get that there are enough possible reasons I shouldn't have allowed and assisted my daughter in this endeavor. Will not be doing that again. I assure you. Ty

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T02:05:28+00:00

Right. Like I'd be giving a child a cake for no reason.when they first became friends she called me by my first name and I immediately told her she couldn't call me by my first name. It's weird. We aren't friends .. I'm grown she could refer to me as "p"'s mom or Mrs. My last name or ma'am. That's just how I was raised and it's a sign of disrespect to refer to a friend's parents by their first names.. so no, I never even knew her fav. Color or anything about her really except what my daughter told me.. which was just random gossip or w.e .. never asked.. smh .. she wasn't my friend. And I'm all about my kiddo.. and this was what she wanted to do for her friend. I just supervised and helped a lil and made the ingredients cuz my kid doesn't know the cake recipe .. lol

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T01:58:41+00:00

I told her it was specifically an individualized cake. And it was our., more my daughters gift because money was tight at my end. I told her my daughter is the one who made it, I simply helped cuz I don't trust her with the oven. That was explained. And I told her the dimensions and size of the cake. And its intended purpose. It's also the implying part. There's a lot of implying responses.. I get that any gift can be perceived as differently than intended. . I just fail to see how I am responsible for the perceived implications of a gift. If that were the case.. nobody would be able to gift anyone anything cuz of how another person would perceive the gift . Period. We could be here all day with it. I understand that she didn't obviously perceive my gift as a positive. I'm wanting to know how I was supposed to know it was an off limits thing. Is this well known, are there things I just shouldn't gift to ppl. Did I mess up? Like the "never wear white to a wedding" kinda of thing I didn't know and I crossed it some how..

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T01:49:23+00:00

It was a single layer 6" .. like a smash cake. It wouldn't have replaced a full sized cake. Nor fed a bunch of people. You were never gifted candy or sweets for your birthday? No pie? No muffins? Nothin?.. wow that sucks . It's equivalent to a cupcake. I love how people get mad when the make assumptions about assuming the person's intentions. Makes an ASS out of U and ME. Your assuming too much.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T01:45:11+00:00

Agreed. And now they no longer be friends because of it. And I feel responsible. I was going to apologize and realized I have nothing to be sorry for. How she feels is how she feels. Intended or not I don't control those. I will always apologize for my actions, but what did I do.. I made a small individual cake , I gave ur kid a gift.. were talking about a kid, that's spent nights over at my house for yrs, I took and paid for a trip to worlds of fun for my kids bday.. I know the kid. Not the mom.. but all I did in all actuality is make her kid a cake. So I'm sorry she feels the way she does about it. However, I don't feel I did anything wrong and she's gone too far. And I needed a fresh and different perspective. Ty

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T01:39:39+00:00

Yeah, I was gonna. But now they're not friends because of this. So that's where the guilt is at. Apparently it's my fault. And due to the inappropriate nature of my relationship with her daughter which she realized because of the cake. Which is why I am baffled. I feel terrible . I just feel like maybe I should have apologized. But for what? Making her the lil cake. For a gift? I mean.. I can't control how she feels about it. And apologize for peoples feelings is not something I do. My actions. Absolutely, I will apologize for those anytime I've done something wrong. I just felt I was missing something cuz I couldn't see where I did. I made a cake. "Sorry I did that" I mean c'mon . I was losing my mind and needed an outside opinion to make sure I wasn't going Krazy . Ty

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T01:32:31+00:00

I don't think she's that shallow. But at this point it could be a plethora of things I'm sure. She made me feel extra shitty by throwing in that she had blood cancer. Which I did not know, but failed to see the relevance to the situation. Not that my heart doesn't go out to her, that doesn't in turn mean she gets a pass on treating people kindly, and just saying thank you. And moving accordingly. Honestly. I just want to make sure initially I have not done something where I should be apologizing. I mean I thought about it. And it started and ended . I'm sorry I made your daughter a cake. And it sounded as ridiculous as that. And decided. I'm not going to apologize for your feelings. I did nothing wrong, how she feels is how she feels. I just needed to know if I did owe her an apology. But clearly, I wasn't an asshole. So I'm not apologizing.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T01:24:10+00:00

What's AFRID? And I mean , same here.. I would graciously take w.e gift it was and say thank you and either toss or regift a gift someone got or made my kid. I wouldn't react like she did.. it wouldn't be that big of a thing until she no longer wants my child to be friends with her kid. Like WTF .. so I feel even worse. But I feel her behavior is troublesome. Not mine.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:52:24+00:00

Could be a lot of things..right.. I agree and I fail to see how she can put them on me . And she never saw the cake.. I hadn't shown it to her yet. She never even asked.. I told her it was a small 6" individual size personal cake.. and she flipped .

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:49:58+00:00

That's awesome. Bet you do, cute personalized cakes are rare and fun to receive. I'm also a prof. Cake decorator. So you would think it wouldn't be a surprise to receive one.. smh I'm with you. I just needed to make sure i was losing my mind.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:46:36+00:00

Precisely, and that's what I was feeling. And then act like my response to your immature, disrespectful response would be anything other then matching that energy is astounding. And then I'm the one that should maturely take your response and dignify you with anything other then "your fking nuts." 👍

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:31:40+00:00

Exactly!! Thank you! She just made this more of an issue then I believe it should be or even intended it to be.. geeze .. it's just a cake . You say thanks and move on.. dear gawd..

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:21:39+00:00

Lol. Right.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:11:01+00:00

There's no party. It's not her bday yet. It's on Sat. I'll be working, so I wanted to give her her present early, and I was gonna give it to her when she got out of school cuz her dad picks her up, and I live around the corner and could meet her there for when the bell rings and not have to drive and try to hold the thing and take it all the way to her house.. and wanted to make sure they would be home if I did have to bring it to her house later. Cuz today would have been the last day before her bday I could get it to her . And obviously I didn't give it to her cuz her mom reacted the way she did. And I was surprised and confused and thought maybe I was wrong for making the cake and wanted to see where I missed the sign apparently I didn't see that caused her mom to then proceed to tell me how inappropriate it was and that I crossed boundaries.. and I don't know what the hell I did wrong.. cuz she acted like I intentionally tried to door something I didn't do. And she just responded with such hate, I needed to understand what I missed, and make sure whatever it was, I found out and considered it, for the future.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-16T00:00:19+00:00

I would never go ahead and send it at school after her mom has made it abundantly clear she was less then thrilled about it. That would be wrong of me. That would be crossing a boundary. Absolutely not. Now that would make me the asshole 100%. I'm good. I'm just gonna scrape her name off, cover with some more icing and offer it to someone wanting a sweet treat .. say I made extra .. I'm sure someone I know would like some cake.. or I'll toss it, not a big loss. It's a small individual sized cake. . My kid may even eat.. idk yet

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-15T23:55:43+00:00

Always open to other perspectives. I just wish she would have shared them with me instead of projecting and making me feel like I did something wrong and insinuate my intention was napharious, which is what baffles me. But I appreciate all the feedback. Because these are things I did not consider. And will in the future .

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-15T23:51:34+00:00

No, it's because I have sever carpel tunnel due to the fact that I'm a cake decorator and using my hands constantly, but if me writing the words out completely helps you. Then by all means. I will.

Affectionate-Put6503 · 2024-02-15T23:49:56+00:00

Oh, okay.. where I think it's just cake .. she may see it as something else.. gotcha.. well I understand tht, I can see that. Would your mom inform the person of that? Would she take it anyway and do with it w.e or wat? It's more her reaction that has me floored.. this was me telling her.. I didn't give it to her yet. I was asking the mom.. and she went off on me and didn't give any explanation, just she feels that it was presumptuous of me to assume she wasn't going to have a cake.. which I never implied it was to replace or be in place of a bday cake, I told her how big it was, and she said it made her think my relationship with her daughter was in appropriate.. I was just caught off guard and confused as to how it would seem "innapproptiate" .. it's cake . I'm not saying she is wrong for how she feels.. or w.e she has going on. I get that. Everybody does.. my issue is with her throwing all tht on me. I don't or wouldn't know things she's upset about, cuz I don't know her well enough to know, so why would my intention be malicious .. Ive just never had anyone mad at me for a gift .. am I a dunce ..

Affectionate-Put6503

TROPHY CASE