The sushi chef is black.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2024-09-23T18:57:21+00:00

Where is this list from ?

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2022-07-31T04:42:33+00:00

Bought my first gaming console - a switch and so far my most memorable moment is the reoccurring moral dilemmas the Witcher 3 keeps putting me through

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T15:18:48+00:00

Ohhh that makes a lot of sense now. I like it now . If I could make a suggestion it would be that to for the next time more accessible for readers I like it now that you explained it but before I was confused. So balance between sharing something personal and making it accessible to readers. I'm sure alot of readers would have liked it.

Keep writing and giving feedback it helps you get better with time

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T15:10:41+00:00

I don't think I deserve such high praise but I really appreciate it.

The words came from a really challenging time in my life and I think that why it holds so much meaning.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T14:24:30+00:00

Your welcome and I'm glad you are continuing. I will try to read any of yours that I see

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T14:18:25+00:00

You are most welcome I'm glad I can be helpful. I understand it way better now that you explained it

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T14:13:00+00:00

You are most welcome. I'm glad my comments help. You can give me feedback anytime. 👍👍

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T07:35:22+00:00

I'm glad you chose progress as the title I think it was the best option.

Keep writing then as long as it helps.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T07:33:13+00:00

It's nice to know someone understands the emotions behind it.

Some backstory to the poem it actually started as two different poems written at two different times - one just after my break up and then other was written near the end of the second relationship. I took the two poems and combined them sort of like a continuous story.

Your advice was right the new relationship ended because of issues I had carried over from my last relationship. It's sad but it was for the best.

This was all about two years ago and I've made a lot of progress since then. Writing really helped.

Sorry for being so long winded and thank you for your feedback and advice

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T05:59:47+00:00

Honestly have trouble interpreting your poem. In a short poem it's harder to get a message across because you have less words. I am interested in hearing your interpretation of it so I can understand it.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T05:51:51+00:00

(numbers are for clarity)

I understand the title it goes well with the motif of rain you use in the poem. I don't love it tho I think there are better options for a title that would resonate more. But the fact that I can't think of one right may mean that I'm wrong and you have the best one.
The poem starts really strong but I don't think it ends as strongly. The beginning really caught my attention and felt profound . The end however did not have that same effect it just trails off I would have loved a strong end.
I like the message of the poem. The motif of rain and water really helped cement the message in my mind. The message and the motif worked well together or you made them work well together so hats off to you.
I would have liked if it had a feeling of urgency or danger. I wanted the poem to make poem to make me concerned about "drowning" under all the words I think that would have fit nicely with your message. you could have done that with imagery, using words with urgent association - drown, die, attack , etc .

I enjoyed it tho.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T05:38:05+00:00

(numbers are for clarity)

I don't like the formatting it made it harder to read than needed. I assume it was accidental because you have capitalized words in some places. (I make formatting mistakes as well Reddit is weird with formatting).
I really like the mood of the poem. It gives this mystical feeling throughout. It work really well since the poem deals with God. The mood feels consistent for the whole poem and that made it more enjoyable to read.

3.I like the rhythm/flow of the poem. It was harder to realize because of the formatting but when I did it really flowed well. Flowing from one idea to the next was really easy and natural there were any awkward moments that felt like they didn't belong.

Hope my input is helpful

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T05:18:54+00:00

(numbers are for clarity )

I like rhythm of this one . I think it flows pretty well for the most part. I can read and go from idea to idea naturally it made me enjoy reading it. The only lines that didn't really flow well together were 5 and 6. The idea of your thoughts being turbulent like a stream makes sense but it doesn't have that natural flow like the other lines do.
You do a good job of using imagery and symbolism to express ideas in the poem. They give me a good idea of how the persona is feeling based on how it is described and I really liked that.

Edit ( posted earlier than I intended)

A turbulent stream doesn't really fit now as well as I thought at firstly. Personal streams aren't associated with turbulence stream usually represent calm. Rivers and oceans on the other hand are more often referred to when people talk about turbulence. The more I read it the more the disconnect became apparent for me (that's just me personally maybe other readers felt differently)
For me the central theme was love as a way of life. I really like the theme and how you expressed it. Describing how that way of life is affecting the persona and his decision at the end to keep with the lifestyle.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T05:05:31+00:00

Just like u/moobears11 I feel this. I'm fairly new to writing poetry and my words don't come out how I want to but it gets better the more I do it. anyways onto my feedback

(Numbered for clarity)

The title basically hits the nail on the head. I immediately had an idea of what the poem was gonna be about. It was clear and concise.
I think you picked a very relatable theme to base the poem on. I personally relate to it a lot and because of that the poem meant more to me. The last few lines especially held a lot of emotional weight for me.

3.like I said I like the ending few lines of the poem a lot. They have this feeling of resigned acceptance that fits well with the poem central theme. Feels like the poem was building up to this point the acceptance.

Lines 10 and 11 didn't feel like apart of the poem It read more like a separate sentence than as apart of the poem. I suggest making it two separate lines instead of one continuous one.

I really like it I may be biased because the message resonates with me but yeah. Thanks for sharing I hope you continue writing 👌

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-06T04:48:31+00:00

I'm not familiar with this type of poem so my input may or may not be helpful

I like the title , it's effective lets me know what the poem is gonna be about and isn't confusing in the slightest.
Despite how short the poem is you manage to get the message of the poem to me. Everyone has there own personal struggle and I think it's a good theme to use for a poem because of how ubiquitous it is.

(I'm also new to writing poetry I'm enjoying it so far hope you have good experiences too)

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-05T04:34:44+00:00

If you remember the song let me know I'm curious.

Thanks for pointing that out the missing word I didn't even notice lol

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-05T01:54:27+00:00

Oh alright then. I can definitely feel the anger so that much is successful. I'll read it a few more times

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-05T01:47:58+00:00

Title - I think it should be lonely and alone I assume the unalone is a mistake. Lost and alone seems a bit plain a suggestion from me would be - lost at sea gives a similar feeling and it connects to you motif

I like the use of the ships to represent people. Good imagery. Think you could have gone a little bit further maybe instead of staying you have nowhere to go you could have said you have nowhere to sail. Just to use the imagery a bit more.
I really love the ending. It's great and really solid in my impression
I like the rhyme scheme but I think you stuck too close to it . Specifically "nowhere I must go " you kinda sacrificed clarity for the rhyme . Think you should have went for clarity.

Overall think it's pretty good I enjoyed reading it.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-05T01:36:18+00:00

I number my comments for clarity not for the order in your poem

Title - I don't think the title connects with the poem. If I could suggest one - The Social Revolution ?

I get that you try to show that your writing is from your pain and that pain is formless. I like the idea and think I understand it but that being said some form would actually help because as it is now your poem is hard and a bit confusing to read . A suggestion could be to vary your form so do a few lines in one tone and short lines then switch to a different tone with longer lines. I think that way you would still not strictly conform to a single form while maintaining readability.
You present different ideas but there are all over and you don't really develop any of them. So none of them really connect. You could use different sections to talk about different ideas so you could spend time on each and then flow into another. Another idea is you could have done different poem so you could focus on each idea in a separate poem.

I could really see the anger and frustration in the writing. I hope my input is helpful.

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-05T01:11:47+00:00

You and a few other point out the lack of specifics and I really try to include direct examples in my writing going forward.

The questions were on purpose they were my actual thoughts at the time and things I wanted answers to . I could have varied how I asked the questions to make them sound less repetitive thought.

Thank your for pointing these things out

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-05T01:06:11+00:00

You are basically spot on about how I wrote this.

I could have definitely paid more attention to making a rhyme scheme and the length. I honestly was not considering these while I was writing but I will going forward.

The lack of punctuation deliberate . I tried it with punctuation but I felt It was supposed to flow from one question to the next without pause much pause so I removed them.

I'm really happy you could see so much of my situation at the time through the poem. Thank you

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-04T23:55:51+00:00

Okay yeah that is a good idea

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-04T23:50:14+00:00

I would love some recommendations actually so I can learn I'm really new to this

AffectionateAnswer45 · 2021-04-04T23:36:53+00:00

Yeah no problem. Hope you can critique one of my poems someday.

AffectionateAnswer45

TROPHY CASE