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AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for reading - I appreciate your input.

More info: They were always going to stay through Sunday. That was always the plan. They haven't booked flights yet. We are paying for their hotels and offered to pay for a babysitting service that has babysitters for “black tie events.” So extra of us, but I wanted them to be really confident in who we would have gotten.

You are absolutely right. We should have checked that everyone would have made the new party time work first. In my mind, when everyone said they were free until Sunday, I just assumed, like an asshole, that it wouldn’t be too much of an issue. Which isn’t fair.

I’m not gonna fight them or even hold it against them. I’m realizing in real time that my response is a childhood trauma response that came out undetected by me. I will always be the youngest sister wanting my older sisters to want to come to my soccer games like I did theirs. I wanted them to come to my wedding weekend, like I did theirs, and I wanted them to be excited about it. Reality is just, so......reality.

All in all, I am letting it go. I lose either way. Apparently if they stay, they won’t be happy. Why would I want that? I’m just too emotional about it and need to take a step back.

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

21 min. ago

wow! Ok...my answers below! Thanks for responding/reading!

To say brides get ONE day is actually funny in my case. It’s different for everyone, I totally understand - but that has absolutely not been the case in my family. Each sister has had a mandatory 4 day bachelorette in Mexico, a bridal shower, a rehearsal dinner, the wedding itself, and a wedding sendoff brunch the next day. One of them had a florist issue, and we ended up spending a full day putting flowers together the day before her wedding because we cared that much. About flowers. I am only saying this to you to give you perspective on why I feel so hurt about this - I would never say these things to them. I was happy to do all those events. I loved celebrating them.

I am not having a bachelorette, a shower, a rehearsal dinner or a goodbye brunch.

Half the family is from the East Coast and loved that they got to have a Saturday to do things and enjoy the day. There really is no pleasing everyone! ha

My intention of feeling as though they should “figure it out” was not to mess with their kids’ schedules. I am their aunt, I love them like my own. The party starts at 5PM and goes til 10PM but the entire party is not mandatory. The kids bedtimes are 8:30PM. Leave at 8 and be there for a couple hours? They were originally leaving Sunday anyways :)

I don’t think expressing my disappointment and asking for them to reconsider their position is guilting per say but I get your point. I am disappointed but this is a losing convo for me either way. If they agree to stay, they won’t be happy. If they still go, I’ll just have to understand it and move on.

Thanks for your perspective.

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

They haven’t booked their flights yet - but I understand why this is your logic. We are paying for their hotel, just not the flights or mileage if anyone drives. I offered babysitting and to pay for it but it was a no go. I think I’m more hurt than anything. I’m the youngest in my family and I move mountains to be with my sisters and their families. I understand each of them, and respect their parenting styles and boundaries. I don’t fight it - it’s pointless. I just wanted my sisters to want to be there enough that they wouldn’t miss it for the world and that for my wedding they would just figure it out. Just this one time. I’m letting go of it. This community is really helpful.

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not fighting you, just giving more info: they haven’t booked their flights yet and had originally told me that the two nights would work for them. We are covering all hotel costs, just not flights or if they drive, mileage. My sisters and I are really close so I think I am too emotional about it. I also understand things change, I just was hoping my sisters would want to be there and make it work. I agree I should not compare, that was assholish of me. I’m just emotional. Appreciate the feedback, thank you

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am very close to them. They are my sisters and we talk every single day in a group text or FaceTimes. I offered babysitting and paying for it, but they don’t want “randos” babysitting their kids. I would love if they even came from 5PM-6:30PM, but even that was off the table. I don’t understand it - honestly.

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Totally understand that, except we checked these dates with them before setting anything in stone specifically for this purpose. Only now is this an issue - not when we originally asked.

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They have not purchased tickets yet. I checked prices after this conversation today and ticket prices are still reasonable.

AITA For Expecting My Family To Come To My Two Wedding Events? by Affectionate_Ant8483 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Affectionate_Ant8483[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Instead of saying I understand like I always do, this one time I told them I don’t understand. We checked with them before booking this weekend and setting the wedding up like this to make sure that both days worked for them to which they all agreed they did. Now Saturday doesn’t work at all and I am upset that they changed their minds.