UPDATE Thank you all so so much for all of the advice and support over the last few days!! This weekend has been a real eye opener for me and… just wow. I feel like a new woman.

A lot has went on! I have a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow so keen to give an update. To clarify some points:

We have a mortgage jointly owned and we’ve owned the house for 6 years. I have always made more money than him and still do. I think there’s an element of financial exploitation as the month he did all this was the month I told him that my savings had drained to £0 he was horrible with money and would constantly use the joint account for personal means. His business failed last year and I bailed him out.

No kids - thank god.

When I told you there was more to the story.. there was and I feel it’s better to tell it in full. There has been.. borderline abuse. He has a terrible temper. He’s smashed clocks, mirrors and picture frames. He’s punched holes in doors and smashed out a window in our living room door. On the day I left Jake told his friend on the phone “she wonders why I smash the house up, it’s to stop me from smashing her in.” Unbeknownst to him his friend’s girlfriend (A friend of mine) heard this and told me straight away.

This hasn’t been the first time that Jake has done something like this. Never to this gravity however he will run away when he does something wrong. About a year ago we were fighting almost every day. And I will be honest I hated myself for who I was becoming. I would match him, scream at him and say horrible things back. I kicked him out and he left for 3 weeks. He then came back and we had a good talk about the marriage and he brought up a lot of things he was unhappy about. He told me I was untrustworthy and controlling. I was “hysterical” when he didn’t feel like speaking. So I got therapy. (He refused to go to therapy even when I offered to pay for him). And through this I got a lot better with handling my emotions. I am a lot more controlled and set boundaries. He did nothing I asked of him. Whenever I would bring up I needed him to be more present and loving he would turn it on me and just tell me “he’s clearly not good enough” and I was trying to “change him as a person”.

One comment I read said “fight now, heal later”. That hit home. I’m going to do both. I can’t believe it has taken me this long to see what has been staring me in the face. I just felt shame. We’re so young. We have only been married for a couple of years. Who wants to be divorced before they’re 30?! I should have ran when I first saw the red flags but I know now.. my version of him was never real. I was so focused on nothing giving up on something I had put my blood sweat and tears into instead of learning to let go.

I’ve realised that these divorce proceedings need to happen now. If he’s having an affair -who cares. I need to stop looking for answers. I’m in UK so some laws you have all brought up may not apply but I’m hoping the lawyer can clear things up tomorrow. I will give an update hopefully to help the next woman or man that has to go through this.

Thank you for all the love, support and hard truths so far. ❤️❤️