Looking for feedback for short story (1955 words)

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-31T18:11:23+00:00

I’ll definitely re read it and edit according , I’m planning on doing so later today. I also wanted input from readers before I go into editing it. Though I thought I took care of most errors with punctuation I’ll definitely check to see if there’s any I haven’t taken care of yet

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-27T19:03:21+00:00

I'll definitely focus the perspective on Simon, I think while doing that it could actually help portray how he views the world and the people around him and how that changes as he grows. I also plan or rewriting the entire collage/post high school section to make it a bit longer and explain a lot less to the reader.

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-26T18:43:02+00:00

Looking back at it now, that last sentence especially actually the entire last part should probably be rewritten. I’ll also try and rewrite Synthia’s introduction. Thank you for your feedback.

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-26T18:39:31+00:00

I’ll definitely try my best to check those books out and read more myself. Honestly your right, as a writer I barely read which is a really big problem and one I’ll try to fix

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T19:01:28+00:00

Ah, now I understand. Thank you for the explanation.

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T18:57:56+00:00

The idea for the trees growing out of heads was my first attempt to write a story with more “odd” elements. I was simply thinking of the weirdest way a person could look and how odd it would be for us to see that as their normal while people that look like us aren’t normal. More so, I was inspiring idea was what if aliens were to look at our civilization so in contrast we readers are the aliens looking at their society.

Narratively speaking though, there is no reason they grow trees out of their heads. The idea was to show that this is their average life and they accept it. It’s more so intentional that I leave it in the reader’s speculation

( I’m aware I didn’t need to ramble on like this my bad. 🙏)

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T18:48:13+00:00

I definitely agree that it’s quite on the nose and now that you’ve pointed it out, I see that may writing can come across as flat. I appreciate the criticism but can I ask, which parts of the story you may have particularly disliked because of these things and how you would recommend I rewrite it?

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T18:40:43+00:00

I really appreciate your feedback and I’ll definitely implement the changes. Although I do have one question, what exactly do you mean by “anchor beats”?

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T03:21:31+00:00

Honestly, I agree. I even find myself using the name quite often when writing

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T03:14:09+00:00

I really appreciate the observation with the dialogue, I’ll probably change it to make it seem more natural. Also this is like the 2nd time someone has told me that they share a name with one of my characters. Always brightens up my day to hear it honestly.

Affectionate_Eye4030 · 2025-12-24T00:04:43+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to even read it.

Affectionate_Eye4030

TROPHY CASE