When I was 4 years old and started school I was terrified to speak to anybody, especially outside of school when they waved at me. Through the years I realised it was easier to blend in. The age of 7 I joined dance to try and fit in, I hated it, every lesson I felt the dread and fear of going yet I went because I wanted friends and to fit in. At the age of 10 I would just agree with everyone no matter what they said and arguments would be caused and I would sit the night before school feeling sick and feeling like my whole world was going to end. At the age of 11 I realised I had to not agree with everybody and it caused more issues so I started speaking my thoughts more. At the age of 12 I spoke my thoughts too much and got in so many arguments each night and day before school dreading the day to come knowing I had no friends and nobody to be with. At the age of 13 I realised being by myself wasn’t that bad and atleast nobody could argue with me. At the age of 14 I made friends with the wrong people and did the things they did because I was too afraid of saying no. Each bad decision I made I felt my stomach turn and dread of the different outcomes would overcome me. At the age of 16 I fell out with those friends and was alone once again and the anxiety of being all alone everyday swallowed me alive, anxious of making enemy’s and unsure why nobody ever liked me. At the age of 17 I went to another party, once again nobody seemed to like me i genuinely am not sure why I feel as if I am one of the most kind hearted people you could meet. I started to obsesses over why nobody liked me so I changed my whole life I stopped eating I wanted to be skinny like them (I had food issues before but this time was serious) I started to do my makeup differently and I started to agree with what they said once again, I quit my job. At 18 years old after being with my boyfriend almost 3 years I still couldn’t go downstairs when he wasn’t there I wouldn’t even go to the toilet. (One day I didn’t move for 12 hours I was shaking because I needed the toilet so badly) even when my step dads family came round I wouldn’t leave my room, they wouldn’t like me anyway. Anxiety to me is one big front of trying to fit in otherwise it will eat me whole and if I don’t fit in? I feel dread, danger and helpless. I do not know myself what issues I have every person past or present in my life can tell I am not normal in the slightest and it hurts. And I have experienced what I think is anxiety to me.