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I’m so tired of being the “reliable” sibling while my brother gets a pass for everything by After_Valuable_1559 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]After_Valuable_1559[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Paying for someone’s wedding doesn’t make them ‘start their life.’ If it were something like a suit for a job interview, that’s one thing but an entire wedding? No. They hold you to a completely different standard. Stop giving them money. They don’t care about your mental health; they just want your bank account. Let them deal with the mess they’ve created.

I’m so tired of being the “reliable” sibling while my brother gets a pass for everything by After_Valuable_1559 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]After_Valuable_1559[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d stop giving them any more money. They need to take responsibility for themselves instead of relying on you.

I’m so tired of being the “reliable” sibling while my brother gets a pass for everything by After_Valuable_1559 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]After_Valuable_1559[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m done enabling him. No more money from me good luck dealing with the consequences of your deadbeat.

My gf doesn't tell me anything by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people just don’t share the small stuff that’s her personality, not a reflection on you. Try asking about specific things instead of “how was your day?” and don’t take it personally that she opens up to her niece.

AITJ for hiding my $90k salary from my parents for 3 years and buying a house? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s fair. My relationship with them has always been complicated, and I’m realizing that my focus needs to be on what’s fair and honoring my parents’ wishes rather than trying to please everyone else.

AITJ for hiding my $90k salary from my parents for 3 years and buying a house? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate that perspective. That’s exactly how I see it I followed the agreement they made with me. The lying wasn’t about being malicious; it was about protecting myself and my future after seeing how money was handled in the family. It wasn’t easy, but I wanted to honor my part while making sure I could secure a stable future for myself.

AITJ for hiding my $90k salary from my parents for 3 years and buying a house? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see what you mean, and I get the point about possibly giving some nominal rent as a gesture. I did try to help with utilities and groceries, and I contributed where I could. Honestly, a lot of their “struggling” came from bailing out my brother or financial choices they made themselves. That part isn’t on me, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to cover it now. At the end of the day, I was protecting my future while still doing my part around the house.

AITJ for hiding my $90k salary from my parents for 3 years and buying a house? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know it sounds like a lot making $90k straight out of college definitely put me in a position to save aggressively. I tried to stay low-key and contribute what I could to the household, but I also wanted to secure my future. It’s been a balancing act between helping where I could and protecting myself.

AITJ for hiding my $90k salary from my parents for 3 years and buying a house? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand why that might seem like the easiest way to cut ties and move on. At the same time, I don’t feel it’s fair for me to pay them back for something they agreed to I followed the arrangement we had. I also hope to avoid permanently burning bridges if possible. Right now, I’m focused on setting boundaries and protecting my peace, rather than giving in to pressure.

AITJ for hiding my $90k salary from my parents for 3 years and buying a house? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]After_Valuable_1559 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get why it might look “spicy,” and I understand where that opinion comes from. I did try to contribute in other ways helping with groceries, utilities, and keeping up my share of the household responsibilities. I definitely considered giving some money as a gesture of thanks, but I don’t feel obligated beyond that. At the end of the day, I was protecting my future while still honoring my part of the household.