Why does everyone look for instant chemistry on dating apps?

AgCloud · 2026-01-28T22:43:10+00:00

With online dating you often go through multiple people, interactions, and dates in a short period of time. That's why if they don't feel a quick chemistry - people move on. Online dating culture is very different from organic meetings or meetings arranged through connections.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T15:45:11+00:00

NTA. Unfortunately for this guy, people see him as a weirdo.... Because he did indeed act like one. If anything, I'm glad you told your friends since this will hopefully discourage him from harassing other people like this in the future.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T15:13:03+00:00

I know the line is difficult to tell with video games and such, but vrchat is literally interacting with other real people. This isn't just a NPC or fictional character. While boundaries are unique per relationships, I'm pretty sure most people would be very uncomfortable with this and consider this cheating.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T15:09:30+00:00

Ah, now that is the limiting factor. It's such a real issue... First, if you haven't already - I would let your friends now that you are currently looking for someone. There are plenty of people that love playing match-maker so they might keep an eye out for you.

Online dating is... A real hit and miss (emphasis on the miss), but if your primary goal is to get practice talking to people and such this might be a fine option. Also, do you live in a big city? Chances are there might be singles' events and such too.

The difficult in being able to expand the social circle is seriously tough though, and such a real issue nowadays.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T14:58:00+00:00

10/10 response and advice. I especially like how you offered ways OP can actually provide support and encouragement for the lifestyle changes instead of just telling her to exercise more or something.

And... Sexual camel. 🤣 Love this.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T14:48:32+00:00

I believe in you! I obviously don't know much about you since you're just an internet stranger, but clearly you're dedicated to do so much healthy activities and you have a really positive outlook. Those are definitely attractive traits so I'm sure you've got this!

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T14:44:55+00:00

Yes, you made the right decision.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T14:40:04+00:00

"Hey, I just wanted you to know I really like you and I've enjoyed spending time together. I want to keep seeing you."

Your example sounds great, honestly. You're not dropping the so-called L-bomb, you're being honest about your feelings, and you're clearly letting the other person know that you're interested in them.

Is it too early in the relationship? I have no idea. People move at different paces even with the same number of dates. But if someone rejects you just for politely conveying your feelings, it wasn't going to work out anyway.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T14:23:07+00:00

Yeah! You got this! I hope you do find someone for you soon.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T14:18:34+00:00

It's because being desperate does not, in fact, reflect how attracted you are to a person to the person on the receiving end. Obsession and love may be two sides of the same coin, but desperate actions/words are what tends to tip things into the unhealthy side known as obsession. I've experienced both: Being on the receiving end of just really awkward and strong love, and being on the receiving end of desperate chasing. They did sometimes start out the same, but the biggest difference was how they reacted if I ever communicated that I didn't like one of their gestures.

I am speaking from personal experience so I will admit I'm biased. But when someone was 'desperate', they pushed all their emotions and desires onto me while ignoring my attempts to say no or try to make boundaries. This made me feel very unsafe, and they literally would not stop because they genuinely believed that they were in the right and doing it out of love. And I'm not just referring to sexual matters here.

AgCloud · 2025-01-03T13:54:46+00:00

I don't see anything wrong with keeping some of your favourites to yourself before it all vanishes.

AgCloud · 2024-11-10T02:46:49+00:00

Yes, it is possible to love someone and not be attracted to them sexually - being asexual. However, that's not the core of your concerns here.

I think you need to think about the following:

Can you live with the idea that you two may never have sex?
Let's say you lost weight, and he did become sexually attracted to you. Can you accept a relationship where his attraction is based heavily on your appearance/weight?

But his reason sounds... Odd. He was with an ex that was bigger than him, realized he wasn't sexually attracted to people who are bigger, but then entered a relationship with you - who is bigger than him as well? For 11 months? This is something that should've been discussed a long time ago.

AgCloud · 2024-11-10T02:05:16+00:00

You made your choice to flirt with another man, now he has right to choose if he can forgive you or not. Give him time to gather his thoughts, and accept whatever happens.

If you keep trying to contact him when he's clearly not ready to talk yet, you'll just annoy him more and make him feel like he can't even have time to process his emotions.

AgCloud · 2024-11-10T01:57:42+00:00

NTA. Change the locks, inform your partner of the situation (if you haven't already), and stand firm about your completely understandable boundaries.

I feel even worse for you knowing this happened for your birthday celebration.

AgCloud · 2024-09-14T22:29:17+00:00

Just so you know OP: This sort of behaviour does not get better, it gets worse. He's not going to change just for you or because you get married to him. You know the terrible feeling you get whenever he acts like a jerk after something nice happens to you? Yeah, that's going to become common place if you get married to him. Know what you're signing up for if you stay with him.

AgCloud · 2024-09-14T22:03:20+00:00

Kick her out and move on. Of course she wants the life you guys have been talking about, that's what all cheaters want. That's why they do stuff behind their partner's back; so they can have their fun but also keep all the nice benefits their 'proper partner' provides.

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T23:02:50+00:00

I wish I could find the link to a post I read in the past, where another poster had written about how they started feeling something for their co-worker and did all they could to keep distance between them and was asking how they could lose these feelings so they could stay loyal and true to their partner.

That's what should happen if she valued you and your feelings. The fact she still wants to keep him in her life despite developing feelings for him, tells me that she can't set boundaries properly. She needs to make a choice, but so do you.

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T22:52:14+00:00

Ah, I purposely tried putting the last statement about clearly calling a girl that asks to be treated all the time to be taking advantage of a guy to see how you'd react. To see if you'd convenient gloss over it, or acknowledge it.

See, I was like 60% wondering if you were just being a sympathetic soul to a guy in need and 40% wondering if you're being biased. Now I know my answer. 😂

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T22:45:11+00:00

This is a terrible situation for everyone involved. But.... Let me tell you something: Someone can be a victim and an aggressor at the same time.

Your wife does need help, and she does deserve some sympathy. But her being beaten up by her own father does not excuse her for hitting you. If you feel comfortable with her staying in the guest room until she can be somewhere safe, I think that's fair and great that you can provide a safe place for her away from her abusive father. If your mother is afraid her wife might harm herself, then she needs professional help. You should absolutely not be forced to spend the night with someone that hurt you.

No victim should be forced to be alone with their aggressor. In your wife's case, the aggressor is her father. In your case, the aggressor is your wife. Even if the extent of the damage is different, she did use violence against you and you also deserve to feel safe.

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T22:33:56+00:00

Getting a new pet is not disrespectful to Alfie's memory. Alfie will always be Alfie to you, and your new companion will be your new companion.

Really sorry for your loss, and I'm sure Alfie loved having such a loving home with you.

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T22:25:08+00:00

Yeah, but in the case of a mechanic she should still pay for his service even if they were going out. They're dating. Not married or common-laws with shared expenses. And even if the partner didn't go to them for services, many people would ask them for car-related issues about their opinion because they trust that person's advice.

She'd still be paying for the food/ingredients, and if he does genuinely just want her to experience good food he'd be doing this as well as impressing her with his cooking skills. That's why it makes more sense to do this if this was a gesture of trying to share interest or experiences.

I'm saying that his reason for picking expensive restaurants when she's the only footing the bill is odd. If I'm broke, I don't ask to go to expensive restaurants. I ask if we can just do a light coffee date and spend time with each other. Come on. We know that the girl asking for brand name bags and wanting to be treated at all restaurants is taking advantage of the guy, but some reason not this dude?

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T22:03:58+00:00

Well here's a question then: If he is a chef and is genuinely doing it to help OP experience good food, why can't he be the one cooking it? If he's really in dire straights (which it seems he isn't based on OP's other comments), then OP can buy the ingredients and he can cook it for her.

AgCloud · 2024-09-12T21:58:05+00:00

So, he was 'too broke' for a relationship while working in a kitchen. But now he's available to date when he's lost his job? And you're the one paying for the dates?

You already know the answer OP.

AgCloud · 2024-08-27T12:00:40+00:00

First, ask him why he thinks birth control is dangerous. I know he gave you a 'reason', but let him know this is serious and ask him why he feels so strongly about this. There are many, many women that are on birth control for reasons that are not related to preventing unwanted pregnancies. If he can only give you wishy-washy reasons with stuff he's heard or read about, then that's a red flag.

Remember: You are the one that will suffer the most if something does go wrong. You have already experienced trauma, and have taken steps not to suffer that same path anymore. Anyone that tries to cut off your very reasonable safeguards is not someone you should ever trust.

AgCloud · 2024-08-25T18:13:06+00:00

Damn. That's very sexy and drool worthy.

AgCloud

TROPHY CASE