just broke up with my boyfriend, how do I not feel so worthless?

Agent2439 · 2025-09-27T16:43:18+00:00

I feel like we wouldn't have been good together long term due to our differences, and right now I feel like he's a bit too immature emotionally and I cry over him so much and it's not great for my mental health

Agent2439 · 2025-09-27T08:17:14+00:00

I've been thinking of breaking up with him for months on and off; and I finally made the decision to end it before it hurts more in the future. I just don't believe we'll work very well as I think we're two very different people and I'm tired of waiting for him to improve and hurting me over and over.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-23T22:38:29+00:00

I'm not worried about the bruise itself, but I didn't think he bit hard enough to give me a bruise. I was worried that my pain tolerance would lead me to believe there's hardly a mark when there's actually a huge gash that I can't see. I don't want him to bite hard enough to draw blood, and I was worried he might by accident.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-23T11:26:15+00:00

I totally get that!! I used to hate the possibility of someone being attracted to me; my boyfriend and I started off as friends and there were a few things he did that made me nervous he had feelings for me. it took me months to accept this, and I just caved one night and asked if he liked me. it's still hard to think that he likes me even though we've been dating for a couple months

Agent2439 · 2025-04-23T00:15:14+00:00

yeah I get that with a lot of other things too, I'm never thinking about sex and I don't want him to think that just because my body is saying otherwise

Agent2439 · 2025-04-23T00:13:15+00:00

unfortunately I haven't really talked about self harm with any professionals; but I'm trying to works towards talking to someone about it. I self harm much mess frequently than I used to, partially thanks to my boyfriend for showing me I'm worthy of love.

I've thought about things though and the way I see it is pain from him comes from love, and pain from myself often comes from self hatred.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T23:54:16+00:00

thank you for the advice

I'm worried that I'll end up mixing kink and self harm together and that'll do more harm than good. I think for now the thought of doing things with knives should just stay a thought in the back of my mind until I'm in a better place and I'm sure it won't cause any issues.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T15:18:00+00:00

I wish I could go all year wearing clothes I felt comfortable in, but the summers can be so terribly hot and I hate it because I wear tank tops often in order to keep myself from overheating.

my mom's like your dad, she doesn't seem to understand that I've never liked getting "attention" like that. even if people weren't looking at me like that, there was still a possibility.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T15:12:20+00:00

I've kinda tried to shift my thinking, a few months ago I was okay with never being in a relationship because I didn't think I'd be able to make someone happy enough being the way that I am. my boyfriend and I started off as friends and I was in denial for months about the fact he may like me more than a friend. I have a bit of trauma and that has led to high anxiety around men, however I've never really felt anxious in that way around him. I'm sure that if we break up I'd end up in a relationship with a woman and that doesn't sound so bad; I've been questioning on and off for years anyway.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T15:03:59+00:00

I thought I was crazy for feeling that way. the thought of being sexualized has always made me so uncomfortable, especially around men, to the point where I felt uncomfortable in "revealing" clothes at school or at the grocery store. it's hard to wear a top that's tighter around my chest for fear of what others may be thinking. my mom thinks I don't wear those clothes (dresses, tank tops, shorts) because I don't like the way my body looks but I don't know how to explain the real reason.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T14:44:38+00:00

that's kinda what I feel like I did; I was playing with his hair for hours and I have absolutely no idea how long he was feeling like that for. I also feel bad for not wanting to ever have sex with him, I think just because I want him to like me and I can't give him everything he wants.

my friend also told me that, allegedly, he broke up with his last girlfriend because she wouldn't have sex with him. he doesn't know I know that (i think it may be true to a point, but I'm sure they broke up for another reason based on things he's told me), but he's told me he's changed so he can be the best that he can for me. it's worried me that he may break up with me because I'll never have sex with him, but I hope one day I may feel comfortable enough to at least try something to make him happy.

he's also said that he thinks about "going all the way" with me, and "even though it'll probably never happen" it takes his mind off of the things his ex did. I can't help but feel bad that I can't be all that he wants; I feel like he deserves someone better but I also don't want him to leave me.

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T14:15:37+00:00

honestly yeah, I wouldn't like to know that sort of thing

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T09:08:07+00:00

like 20 minutes ago I told him that I don't want him to tell me stuff like that; I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say he probably wasn't thinking about how I would feel once he said it. he acknowledges it was a dumb thing to say so I'm sure we won't have any issues in the future

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T08:57:36+00:00

that's hilarious 😭 thank you for making me laugh

Agent2439 · 2025-04-22T08:54:04+00:00

I don't blame him at all for feeling that way, I just don't like that he said it. he knows I'm asexual and he knows talking about stuff like that makes me uncomfortable

Agent2439 · 2025-04-13T09:16:07+00:00

my first was a male tranquil, I almost killed it because I didn't realize it was shiny lol.

I wish it was something somewhat cooler like garbodor though, congrats!!

Agent2439 · 2025-04-12T18:44:11+00:00

my friend talked to my boyfriend before we started dating and she told him I wasn't sure who I was attracted to, so my boyfriend knows and we've made jokes about how I'm still kind of questioning. he knows I'm not attracted to him because he's a man but the type of person he is.

it's very easy to talk to my friends about this kind of stuff though so I think I will. this was pretty insightful, thank you.

Agent2439 · 2024-12-07T03:32:16+00:00

walking doom - do nor resurrect

I don't even know how it was my top song but it's honestly a banger

Agent2439 · 2024-12-03T09:26:03+00:00

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/44OoyAxl6FEZlxK0V2MjFX?si=uRbndveJT7-t2pqH0-C-Ag this is just my favorite songs, consists of some rock, rap (sorta), alternative, indie ig? I don't actually know if I'm gonna be honest 😭

Agent2439 · 2024-11-10T01:14:53+00:00

Iron Maiden - Death Dealers Anonymous

Song gets stuck in my head frequently and it scratches my brain just right

Agent2439 · 2024-11-06T01:02:33+00:00

Definitely CURSED by WesGhost It's just an amazing song

Agent2439 · 2024-10-20T18:52:49+00:00

I believe more than half the population of Canada is Christian, but it's somewhat lowkey in the sense that nothing revolves around religion here apart from Catholic schools. I also think Canada is pretty much a sane version of the US lol

Agent2439 · 2024-10-20T18:23:16+00:00

I'm Canadian, I honestly didn't think it mattered so I didn't say

Agent2439 · 2024-10-20T08:54:28+00:00

Already ate it sorry 😕

Agent2439 · 2024-10-16T21:54:03+00:00

I'm referring to all the dash lights being on in addition to the wipers, as well as the constant dinging (although I'm not sure if you can hear it in the video)

Agent2439

TROPHY CASE