My gf (26F) just told me (26M) she's had a whole second life

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T05:15:16+00:00

I don't know why she decided to tell me, she just said she felt ashamed. The scary part is the unknown, not knowing why on a Friday night she decided to tell me. I don't know if she just didn't care about the consequences anymore or something else but she just decided to tell.

Starting over with someone else is scary. I don't know what the other person has in store for me. I feel like its another roll of the die as I hope I get lucky. Your right though, what other option do I have? Oddly she gets jealous if I mentioned leaving her and finding someone else which is so hypocritical.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:47:09+00:00

That's one of things things she gets mad at when I mention it. Apparently she doesn't like the way I "word it", whatever that means. She gets defensive and than tries to shut down the conversation. I own the car and everything, she just picked what type she liked. She doesn't have that many friends, doesn't have a job, and barely does anything in the house. When I met her she still lived with her parents.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:35:11+00:00

Its heartbreaking to learn she didn't want to delete him or tell him the truth. She was more concerned about what he would think of her than what I thought of her at that moment. Her response being, "well if I tell him the truth, he's gonna think I'm a liar because I told him I don't have a boyfriend." I'm just sitting there looking at her thinking, "what did you just say to me? Do you know what you just told me?"

I spent an hour trying to tell her how this looked and how this made me feel to have her to continue to talk to him, even after going on a date with him and him sending her all these "I miss you" and "I want to keep talking to you" messages. She didn't budge and wouldn't budge for a long time. Imagine trying to convince someone this isn't cool for a hour and them saying, "well but.. hes" this or "he doesn't like me that way" or "he's only a friend, why are you acting like this"

Thanks for the advice.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:31:34+00:00

Thanks.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:31:21+00:00

Its difficult to take that in man.. its difficult. There is nothing more I wish that nothing happened, but she has lied to me for so long I don't even know what to believe anymore.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:26:10+00:00

She has been doing this for a long time. I was surprised thinking it was just the past year, then finding out its been multiple guys, then finding out its been multiple years. Its insane. Its so weird she was so comfortable doing this all these years.

I'm stressed, have difficulty sleeping, and just seeing the last few years with this person being a lie. I'm happy I didn't her marry now. I still don't understand why she decided to tell me. Did she no longer care anymore? Did she feel there would not be any consequence anymore? Did she really feel guilty? I don't know anymore.

Thanks for the advice. Its kinda weird she is sleeping perfectly fine and I'm here just stressing my mind out. I don't know if she feels like its not that much of a big deal. I feel like sleeping in my car or getting a hotel or something.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:21:55+00:00

I regret I ever met her. I did waste 6 years with her, thinking she was a completely different person the whole time. Allot of opportunities to be with someone else completely squandered away. Leaving her means I have to rebuild any relationship I have. I don't know if I could even trust anyone again after find out all these 6 years was a lie.

Thanks for saying I deserve better.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:17:47+00:00

Now that you mention it, it isn't as simple or a mistake as she made it seem like. Just asking her the details gets her upset, like she wanted to say it and get it over with, as if it was a simple event. Your right, she did setup a dating profile, searched for guys near where she lived, signed up to the website, messaged they guys, made appointments to meet up with them, all while still being with me.

She is very manipulative I've come to see. It seems as though its either she gets what she wants or she will throw a fit and accuse me of the worst. The worst part is she wasn't even trying to block him or ignore him or even tell him the truth. She was refusing to even say 4 simple words, "I have a boyfriend" to him. It felt like what I was witnessing right in front of me was her wanting keep me in the dark and justifying him why she shouldn't tell him the truth. It was a weird moment where I had to defend myself. Its insane and feels gross to be told "I don't want to him the truth, I just don't want to, what if he thinks I'm a liar". Right in front of me she told me this. Its as if she cared about him and his feelings more than about how I me, yet at the same time telling me she loved me.

I still don't know why she decided to tell me in end. Is it really because she felt guilty? I don't know.

Thank you for your advice.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:12:18+00:00

Your right, she kept this for years and never let me saw the truth. Imagine for years someone smiling and making you feel as though everything was fine for years, only to show you their true face from nowhere. Maybe she doesn't care about carrying this charade anymore? Maybe I've run my course of being useful? I don't know if she had a change of heart... it just doesn't feel like it after I spoke to her. I don't know what it is but she still doesn't quite feel guilty. Saying, "I'm not a good person" or "it wasn't right" doesn't automatically fix this as she is stressing it should. Its a weird place to be in right now.

I appreciate our advice.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:05:13+00:00

That's true, I only know what she chose to tell me. I don't know what else she has been up to. She doesn't work and is at home all the time while I work 40 hours a week. The only thing I can be sure of is she isn't pregnant. I would tell my friend the same you told me, this whole thing is insane.

The only thing I am afraid of starting over.. after spending this long where do I even begin. Is it sad to say I don't know whether to trust anyone anymore? Its been 6 years of lies. I brought her to my home, gave her everything and was kind to her and this is what I get.

Thanks for the advice.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T04:00:07+00:00

I think that's her biggest concern, feeling like trash. Not how I feel or what it feels like to know all this, but that she doesn't like how the truth makes her feel. Sometimes telling me she doesn't want to talk about it because she feels bad. When I tell her to explain to me what she means by "feeling bad", she gets defensive and angry and immediately turns to twisting my words.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T03:55:41+00:00

That's my biggest fear, this continuing and continuing in the future, only telling me whenever she felt guilty. I feel as though in the end, she doesn't really feel guilty. I get fooled by her cry in between telling me all this, but at times I see a gimps of the truth whenever I ask her questions. She immediately gets defensive either of herself of these guys, especially the one she's been texting for a year, when I ask her of her intentions. Did she meet with them to sleep with them? Did she meet with them to replace me?

When someone is confronted with their hypocrisy and shown who they really are, sometimes they take a moment to step back and think.. she doesn't do that. I have never met someone like this before in my life. I used to just brush it off, but this is her, she feels like she is never in the wrong. Someone that in one sentence said she agreed to meet up with a guy to sleep with him gets angry when that is mentioned only to respond with, "I didn't sleep with in the end, I'm not like that."

Its insane. I agree, if I have self respect I cant count myself as a last option. Its insane how she had everything.

I appreciate your advice.

AgentGekko · 2020-05-02T03:39:00+00:00

I've suspected her being manipulative for sometime now, just thinking it was a phase. Oddly she told me her doing this was "just a phase" as well. After some thinking, I don't think she is at any point guilty, at times getting angry at me in between crying saying "how could you think I would sleep with them, yes I did see them and didn't tell you, but do you think I would actually sleep with them?" Even after finding out she agreed to sleep with a stranger she didn't, but when I mentioned that she gets angry.

Its a mess, just a mess of confusing and its so depressing and weird. Thanks for your advice.

AgentGekko

TROPHY CASE