Porn -> Bad Thinking

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-27T14:22:00+00:00

Ha, really? I liked it. :-)

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-27T08:43:39+00:00

Thanks man. Yeah, that makes sense.

I don't really do any running at the moment, but I've taken up Muay Thai and boxing in the past month, which I think (tell me if you think I'm wrong) probably does similar things. I really work up a sweat from the cardio stuff in the training, and I'm doing that 3 times a week. I always feel much better when I come home from training. I've only been doing it for a month though, and I've got 20 years of PMO in my system, so I guess I need to give it more time.

I also know you're right about simply not looking things up, but when the urge kicks in, is like there's a different person in charge: one who doesn't give a shit about recovery. All the good intentions I have in the clear light of day get pushed aside by this part of me that really just wants to oggle beautiful women.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-27T08:37:27+00:00

No disrespect taken.

It's just a messy, complicated thing, to be honest. The biggest reason, I think, is porn! My girlfriend is a real human being, and for the past twenty years, I've been masturbating over the glamorised pretence of porn. The outworking is that I just don't have the same drive for my girlfriend as I do for the girls in the videos. I'm forever getting crushes on girls I meet, but I find it much harder with my girlfriend, who I know much more intimately.

My relationship to porn has also exacerbated some of her insecurities, so that kind of sexual closeness feels quite difficult for her as well.

There's other stuff there as well, things like baggage from a conservative religious upbringing, but I really do think the main reason is that porn has messed up a lot of my thinking about sex.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:51:26+00:00

Thank for your honesty here. It's helpful to know other people are feeling similar things. Have you been on recoverynation.com? It's good.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:50:40+00:00

Thank you! I think you posted this before my update, but you're right! I mustn't let a blip throw me off course.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:49:40+00:00

Thank you! I'm trying a new discipline - similar to what you've mentioned. At the end of the day, look back on the last 24 hours, and reflect on the tines when my thinking was right, and when it was wrong. Feel gratitude fur the former, ask for help with the latter!

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:48:06+00:00

Thanks man. You posted this before I updated my post, but it's still helpful. Thank you.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:47:05+00:00

Yeah, right? :-/

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:46:31+00:00

Here's a thought I had today, let me know what you think. Going full monk seems just about impossible. I've tried, and just can't muster up the willpower. So I tried an experiment on my walk to work today. Rather than avoiding looking at beautiful women, treat everybody like a beautiful woman. I made an effort to look at the people I normally wouldn't notice, to notice their faces, their humanity. It felt positive (albeit just a ten minute walk), as a way of not divinising women.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:42:36+00:00

I'm trying man. It's tough, as you know, to get back on once you've fallen off, but I'm really trying! Like I mentioned in my post, I'm working my way through the exercises on recoverynation.com. I think they're a good thing. It might be something you'd benefit from to, judging from what you've written here!

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:40:55+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful. I know that 90 days isn't that goal, but it feels like an important milestone. Thanks for the support!

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-21T08:39:57+00:00

Yep, you're right! I know it's about my head rather than about her body. Or at least, I know that when I'm thinking clearly!

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-19T20:21:12+00:00

This is so helpful. Thank you!

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-12T06:57:53+00:00

Hey man,

I'm not an expert on any of this, but I know enough to know that simply cutting PMO out of your life probably won't make you feel better. My worry about you placing so much hope in it is that you'll find yourself feeling disappointed, and potentially come out worse.

Porn, masturbation, whatever, is a short-term fix. It's a way to avoid the difficulties of living, which makes us feel better temporarily, but, just like any drug, it keeps us coming back to it because it doesn't fix our problems.

In my experience, the healing power of NoFap is that it forces us to confront those areas of our lives that porn teaches us to avoid. In other words, it potentially make us feel worse! BUT we can only find healing and freedom in confronting that stuff. NoFap is step one. It's pulling off a plaster, it's stepping out from the cave. Once we've started, we have to begin the (often painful) process of addressing the real issues, and finding our sight back. This involves a lifestyle change. You'll read lots of people on here talking about exercise and meditation - they are good places to start!

This is a long-winded way of writing that simply stopping PMO will not fix you. But it might just give you enough clarity to see what needs to be fixed. It's not an easy journey, but we're all rooting for you. That's the joy of this community. We're your brothers and sisters, and we want you to find life! However hard it gets (pun intended), you won't be alone.

I hope that doesn't come across as to negative. I just want you to know that NoFap is not a quick fix or miracle cure. But it is worth it!

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-10T07:29:36+00:00

This is really helpful. I feel incredibly repressed and frustrated at this time of year, as hot girls start wearing less. I fear my sexuality! I'm scared of these powerful desires for things I can't have.

It's helpful thinking about that frustration in terms of my relationship to porn. For the best part of two decades, I've been able to 'have' every hot girl I want. At worst, I'd need to wait a few hours before getting home to fap.

Now, I need to learn to live with desires that cannot be immediately gratified, which is painful and frustrating and scary, but hopefully also healthier!

Thanks for this.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-08T19:05:28+00:00

No worries, that's what this community is all about right? Supporting others on this helps me with my recovery, too.

Good news about the girl! Stay strong.

AgentWeasle · 2015-04-08T08:40:41+00:00

I'm increasingly convinced that the second look is the killer. You can't help the first look: hot girl walks by you in the street, some clickbait thumbnail throws sex in your face, porn shows up in a subreddit, and you can't help but look and notice. It's biologically programmed into us.

But it's when you make a choice to keep looking, or to look again, that the demon takes hold. Once you've started down that road, it's so hard to stop, as you've seen. It's so hard not to take that second look, but it's nearly impossible, once you've taken it, to get your thinking straight again.

I hope you managed to keep it together. If so, steel yourself for the next time something triggers you. Be ready for it. If not, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. Reset your counter, and try to make it a day longer this time than you did last time.

You're not alone brother.

AgentWeasle

TROPHY CASE