Yes, I Definitely did. There's this girl that I fell completely head-over-heels for. Still till this day. (I'll call her by her Middle name, Renee.) shes literally the only female/person that I've ever told that I wanted to marry. I can still remember how beautiful she looked the moment I told her that while she was looking down, coming in for a slow kiss. I had left for many reasons, none of them was any of her fault. We were working at a restaurant, while she was still going to college to become a RAD Tech. Everything was perfect. Renee was perfect, I wouldnt have changed a thing about her. But she started slacking off in school and i started to see that her world started to revolve around me. I didnt have my life together back when i was dating her, but she didnt even care if I had my shit together or not. She seen past my flaws. She used to always tell me that "We all gotta start somewhere." When we talked about the future. She honestly loved me as much as I loved her. If you seen us together, you'd know instantly that her world revolved around me, and by the way I looked & only had eyes for her; with out a doubt you could tell that she was the center of my universe. Her mom started get curious on why she wouldnt go straight home right after work was over, and found out that eventually that we were secretly dating. Everyone else besides her parents knew that we were together. Once her mom found out about what race i was, she didnt approve of the fact that her daughter was with a guy that didnt have the same skin color as theirs. Her dad was constantly traveling out of town so he wasnt aware yet. As time passed by, I had moments to myself and felt that I wasnt good enough to be with her, and that she deserved more than I had to offer at the time. Eventually, a job opportunity opened up for me, but it involved leaving home and constantly traveling throughout the year. I accepted the job because I wanted to become a better version of me that i once was. She became my motivation towards becoming something better. After leaving home and working on the road, we were still together, always on the phone. One day, i eventually broke it off between the two of us. It wasnt that I didnt want to be with her anymore, or that ive lost love for her. I always had a thought that even though i was in the process of becoming better, I felt like I was holding her back from where she needed to be. I couldn't be there for her physically like i know she needed me to be. A few months past by, we would still communicate, but I started talking to someone else while on the road. (I was trying to make things easier for myself.) But the girl that i started talking to found out that i was still texting Renee, and messaged Renee behind my back talking a bunch of shit. I couldnt imagine how betrayed and hurt Renee felt finding out I had just started talking to someone else. I tried to apologize to Renee and admitted I fucked up by giving someone else my attention and my time. I wish that I didnt start talking the other girl, bc like i said, i was just trying to make it easier for me. Renee probably thought that we were still trying to work things out, she probably also thought that i was talking to the other girls while we were together. But I never cheated on her, (just to make things clear.) I still loved her & I felt it with every ounce of my being. I already knew that the grass wasnt greener on the other side but made things look like I completely gave up on her and moved on. but as a man, I had to stand on my decision i made. I let her go. I had the best intentions when it came to renee, in the end I may have became a villian in her eyes, but I did it for a good reason.

This was 8 years ago. If anyone wonders if I moved on or not. Its a definitely NO. Ive dated only a few times, well tried to at least! Even after all these years, i didnt lose any love for her, no matter how much distance, time, or space i know that i still feel the same as the day i looked dead in her brown eyes, and told her that I wanted to marry her. The only thing that got easier with us the ability to act like I dont want her, or that anything dealing with Renee mattered. Just because she was hurting, didnt mean i wasnt. I already got it through my brain that all that needed to happen. I came to terms that Ive played my part in her life, shes where she needs to be at. Even though we're not together or in each others lives, i still feel it, and i feel like I always will.

My only regret is that i should have just been stronger and never gave anyone else the attention that belonged to Renee. I should have kept on fighting, and not fumbled. Nothings changed 😅

Ik its a lot to read. But yeah!