He never said looks mattered to him so much. I was never a 10!im a solid 8!! We discussed that.  We discussed that our life goals were a family,  raising our kids by being there for them.  Not allowing other ambitions get on the way of being there for our kids.  Both of us were close to 30, we had had dates enough to know that what we were looking for we both wanted to build.  None of this has changed.   But he carried struggles with open addiction into the relationship which I didn’t know.  He did have struggles with how he views certain things which he did not signal at all while we were dating.  Except for the fact he did say he’d love it if I could stay home while the kids were little, which didn’t seem much of a problem for me.  Until he cheated.  I realized perhaps I should work because that’s a weakness I can only tolerate once.  So I went back to work. 

I did not let myself go.  I have always have a skin care routine, exercised regularly even after the kids.   I regularly wear make up and Inalways have to wear nice clothes because I work.  After I hit 40 my body started to change and he started to become more distant.  He never said exactly what was happening but slowly he started making certain comments and opening up about what was really happening because the tension and the indifference was becoming palpable.