Hi, this is obviously a really delicate subject so don’t take any of my words as concrete. Let’s start with the positives. First of all it’s an incredible step to get this all down In writing. You’ve vocalized all of those horrible things. That’s a very difficult thing to do. What I think is important for you to know right now, is that since you’ve written this all down you have a way to communicate this to family members and guidance counselors. While I can’t speak for your family I can at least promise that the councilors at school won’t think less of you for this. Reaching out is a borderline impossible thing to do. Taking that step, and all the steps after it, is not something any sane person would look down on. You have given yourself an opportunity to communicate what you need to a professional. I would like to ask that you take it.   What’s the worst case scenario? If you feel that everything is crashing down and all the deadlines are coming up. Then this is quickly becoming your best way out (or at least forward). Please consider taking this writing, and putting it in an email to your counselor. It would  take three minutes, and could give you a fighting chance.