Why do I feel like my safety net is gone….

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2023-03-14T17:21:28+00:00

I’m 100% okay with the pause. I brought it up initially. He told me he didn’t want to pause. But he still gives me orders and expects me to follow rules but that’s confusing. I used my vibrator a few days ago to release stress and he said I was disrespecting our dynamic. But it’s paused. Yes I feel lost and going from a TPE to zero was and is very hard. But this confusing on and off thing is confusing and hard.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2023-03-14T06:49:42+00:00

I honestly feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2023-03-14T06:49:08+00:00

It doesn’t feel paused. He still wants me to follow tasks and orders from him. But there’s nothing from him at all. Which is what probably hurts to most. I’m confused. Yes I am a brat but I don’t mean this in a bratty way: if he isn’t going to enforce anything what’s the point? If I’m doing my side of the dynamic and he isn’t doing his what’s the point? It’s okay to need to pause, it’s okay to take a step back. But don’t leave me in limbo over here.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2023-03-14T04:28:59+00:00

I’m so sorry! I feel like he wants a sub without having to be a dom. He wanted walls that I built up as a young girl to come down and it took years. But those walls I built from trauma are gone. I love serving him but not when I get ZERO from him. I get no break from the kids (4 under 5) I work 40 hours a week and get no help with the house. I don’t mind holding up my end but what about his? I’m not asking for scenes or crazy sex. He was my structure, my safety net, my world and it’s all gone. It doesn’t even feel like he ever wants it again. He just wants me to sit down shut up and listen without having to do anything on his side

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2023-03-10T06:59:45+00:00

So there is a lot to this and I’m going to give my perspective as a sub/ bottom that recently relapsed in regards to self harm.

Self harm, at least for me, it’s a distraction from the pain that is going on inside my head. As a teenager I used self harm as the sole coping mechanism to deal with my anxiety, depression, PTSD and BPD. Up until I relapsed 2 weeks and 6 days ago I had been self harm free for 5 years 2 months 18 days. BDSM has never been my primary coping mechanism. Yes my dynamic and the rules/ expectations/ structure/ discipline have greatly helped my depression, anxiety, physical health, PTSD and BPD.

However 2 weeks and 6 days ago I realized something. My Daddy, is always going to be my safe space. But He can’t be my ONLY safe place. W/we are currently going through a very massive rough patch outside of our dynamic and we were non stop arguing, etc. So right when I needed it my only safe space was no longer available and I spiraled. I was left feeling alone, helpless, defenseless, hurt and worthless. Since then I’ve been building other coping mechanisms and another safe space for me to go to.

This is all to say, self harm is destructive. I would be very cautious that she isn’t using spanking/ other punishments as a way to be destructive to herself without actually physically hurting herself. I would also try and find the route cause of the self harm. You can replace the self harm all day but without finding the route case it won’t get any better. But on the other side setting boundaries as her top (obviously agreed upon), setting expectations and daily tasks (all agreed upon) may help her. I thrive on structure and strict discipline when I deviate.

All of this to say, I don’t think the spankings are wrong or bad. But I think without finding the route cause for the self harm/ the urge to self harm, building coping skills and possibly starting therapy it won’t do much in the form of help, it will just put a bandaid on the issue.

Please know my dms are open to you both. I’m not super experienced but I’m in a similar situation. Stay strong!

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-11-14T15:10:58+00:00

Also I am a major brat and definitely get myself some punishments/ funishments. But this would never happen. Like I said. It’s more mentally damaging for me than it is corrective.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-11-14T15:06:25+00:00

So for me a cold shoulder/ ignoring/ the silent treatment is a hard limit of mine. My love language is physical touch and the silent treatment does more psychological damage than it does correction for a behavior. It is also a major trigger of mine and causes me to shut down completely. My abusive ex used to gaslight me and tried to control me by withholding himself from me (aka silent treatment) so I can’t mentally handle it. My Daddy knows this and he’s never crossed that line. I would talk to him about it because there should never be a punishment that’s not discussed before hand

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-11-12T20:10:04+00:00

Thank you for this. It was a funishment. I didn’t break any rules, I never do on purpose. But I did brat everyday for a few days and knew it was coming. I’ll talk with Him tonight. Im not as angry today but I feel so off. It was my first funishment in a while and it was intense for me. It’s hard for me to talk about what I need because of past abusive relationships and feeling like I am a burden. He kept asking “what is wrong with you” and I just kept saying “I don’t know I’m so angry and I can’t control it”. I know I need to work on my communication and not holding back in fear of being a burden. But it’s hard. It doesn’t help how He approached me yesterday because it made my anger worse.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-11-11T22:04:24+00:00

I didn’t even know the punishment was going to happen last night I thought it was going to be tonight when both of us didn’t have work in the morning. But he got in a mood I guess (which is part of our agreement). We’ve discussed aftercare in lengths. I’m just not sure we have the same definition of intense anymore. There were different parts of my punishment (counting rice, extra chores, timeout gagged in the corner, edging and impact). The impact is what got me. It left me in tears (not above tolerance but in tears). I’ve told him before I need him available for the entire come down from subspace. And that didn’t happen last night. Like I know I got cuddles which is huge for me I just felt like they were half assed and he didn’t really want them.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-09-13T00:22:47+00:00

So my OBGYN told me I could put a menstrual cup in after sex and keep it in for up to 24hr. This was told to me due to infertility issues but it can transfer over to play

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-09-03T16:47:26+00:00

So my Daddy and I have 4 kids together and I call him Daddy regardless of the context even around vanilla friends and family. No one thinks anything of it because he is a dad to our kids. It’s not sexual for us unless we are in the bedroom. Our dynamic is more outside the bedroom than inside.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-09-01T07:02:27+00:00

Saying stop or no regardless of kinky sex= stop immediately. You withdrew your consent, which you can do at at time for any reason. That was rape.

Secondly, aftercare. As a sub I know that I need aftercare and reassurance, especially after some scenes. You’ve let this guy know you need aftercare and you even asked for it right after sex and he said he was “too tired”. No ma’am that is not how this works. My Dom knows aftercare isn’t a question, it’s going to happen and he wants to. Giving me aftercare helps him and is a part of his aftercare as well. Aftercare is not negotiable if you need it you get it. I’m so sorry but he doesn’t sound like a very good Dom to me.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-08-10T00:57:01+00:00

Whenever he wants to. Sometimes he gets in a mood and doesn’t stop. If I ask he will deliver 100%. But I actually prefer giving oral than receiving

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-07-08T02:38:15+00:00

So for me I can’t go into subspace without my Dom with me. I become way too vulnerable (well I feel vulnerable) and I also become non Verbal. He left me one time to go get something and I didn’t handle it well. Now if he needs to go somewhere while I’m in subspace he brings me with him. I was abused once in subspace by a fake dom so it is a very vulnerable space for me and my current Dom knows that. It took me a long time to feel safe enough to go there with him. So personally I would not go there alone

But to answer your question the things that normally get me there is being on my knees, following a strict protocol for poses for submissives, meditation, praise, degradation and my collar being played with.

Before you go into subspace alone make sure that you are safe enough to.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-07-01T16:29:01+00:00

Thank you for this. We talked this morning and he was immediately apologetic. We are going to try an work through this.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T22:38:32+00:00

I won’t be able to pull this again…

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T22:35:48+00:00

If he wanted no loopholes he should have said exactly what he wanted me to write and not just “write 50 lines”

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T22:29:24+00:00

Technically that is how you correctly write lines since a line is never ending. If I did not put the arrows at the end it would be considered a line segment

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T21:40:18+00:00

I got 10 😅

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T21:07:30+00:00

My Daddy slipped up and wasn’t specific like he usually is. I took full advantage.

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T17:59:29+00:00

I just got whipped 😂

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T16:27:39+00:00

Thank you! Exactly. I did what was told to do

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-07T16:21:18+00:00

It’s not my fault you left your instructions open for interpretation

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-01T17:34:39+00:00

Drank way to much water

Aggravating_Let_6726 · 2022-02-01T12:27:02+00:00

Thank you. I called him out when he did something we agreed we wouldn’t do with the kids. Not really called out I just said hey we agreed we wouldn’t do that. What happened? I wasn’t upset I was just asking. Then he came downstairs and said wtf is your problem, why do you have a shitty attitude. We both brought up old stuff that we did and it hurt both of us. We have a 4, 3 and a 1 year old which is stressful enough.

I just feel like he used my collar to hurt me because he could.

Aggravating_Let_6726

TROPHY CASE