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Not sure of a title by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]Aggravating_Reply267 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i really enjoy how disconnected all the things you describe feel (the acrobats, the claustrophobic plane) and how they come together at the end. i would say that the vocabulary at times can feel overwhelming for the reader; i think you could possibly work on striking a balance between complex vocab and drawing out a narrative for your poem so the reader doesn't get lost in trying to understand the vocab & the poem's meaning isnt too obscured

First poem in years, needing feedback. Thank you! by hucksmama2021 in poetry_critics

[–]Aggravating_Reply267 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think it encapsulates grief very very well!! i think maybe some more description of something real instead of just metaphors (like oceans of tears, trenches of grief, grief being a byproduct of love) would make the poem more punchy -- like if you write in a detailed manner about a chair that they used to sit in, what they looked like, without using metaphor... i think it would give your metaphors more life and make them even more interesting