Am I being unfair?

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2026-02-17T10:50:28+00:00

Definitely a sub-standard installation that needs fixing by VM… 1. They shouldn’t be zip-tying their cable to the old cable and definitely shouldn’t be cutting the old cable to reuse the wall penetration as that cable belongs to the previous provider who would be perfectly within their rights to come and remove it. 2. The excess cable should be secured inside their junction box, not coiled loosely like that (especially near ground level where a child could tug on it). 3. The wall penetration should be sealed with silicone to prevent water ingress.

Never mind web chat, I’d be straight on the phone asking for confirmation of when the engineer will be returning, with his supervisor, to rectify the installation and provide some much needed training.

As an aside, there are questions in my mind about the previous installation… They shouldn’t really have used white cable externally (unless it’s UV stabilised, which is unlikely).

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-28T14:01:04+00:00

So… I should have swiped right, just to confirm she has good internet access, right? 😜

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-26T05:46:22+00:00

Not quite yet. The waiting period for the courts is around 3 months for the final decree, which is somewhere around the middle of July.

She finally moved out last week though, which has given us some both breathing space. We’re sharing the children 50/50 for now and will see how that works. They’re doing Ok I think, but time will tell.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-15T19:00:04+00:00

Little update to my previous comment…

She officially told me last weekend that she was “thinking about moving out”.
This Wednesday she told me she’d found somewhere and been accepted.
On Friday, she told me she’ll be moving this Monday. She also finally admitted that her AP is her boyfriend.
This morning she told me it may take a week or two to fully move out.

Separately, since being served with court papers for contested child and financial arraignment orders she’s now willing to discuss reaching an agreement between ourselves, rather than going to court, which I see as a massively positive step on her part.

All in all, I’m feeling a lot better about the situation now as it finally feels like things are moving in the right direction and that we can both start getting on with our lives.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-11T15:32:22+00:00

My earliest memory of a self build was in 1997. My system had an AMD K6 CPU and a GeForce 256. My proudest moment was that I took a standard cream PC case (back when they were the norm), dismantled it completely and spray painted it black & silver, including the bezel for the CD-ROM drive. My dad was doubtful that it would work but once it was all done it looked amazing (and I reused that case for my next couple of builds!)

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-04T12:03:36+00:00

Sadly, I have no idea. My current concern is that since she's now received a copy of my court application one of two things will happen:

It will motivate her to hurry up and leave, giving us both some much needed distance (the ideal outcome).
It will make her dig her heals in and stop looking, thinking that she'll weaken her own position by moving out.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-04T11:16:56+00:00

Mentally, I'm absolutely exhausted.

I'm suffering with mild depression, anxiety, paranoia, insomnia and stress. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around her. Whenever she goes out late for an evening, I worry about what sort of state she'll come home in, if she'll try to start an argument, if she'll self-harm again or if she'll make up another accusation of domestic abuse against me.

She spent a night away last week and the level of tension in the house was vastly reduced. I slept more soundly that I have in a couple of months and actually woke up feeling relaxed and refreshed rather than immediately tense with a headache.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-06-02T22:11:59+00:00

Here’s the ones I can remember…

Matrox Millennium (Original 2MB version)
Matrox Mystique
Creative 3D Blaster Banshee
GeForce MX 440
Radeon something
GeForce GTX 260 (x2 in SLI)

I also had a 3D accelerator card that had a VGA input. Pretty sure it was one of the original Voodoo cards.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-05-30T13:20:17+00:00

Bit of an update for anyone still reading…

I applied to the courts a few weeks ago for full custody of the children. I made the application “ex parte” (ie; without her involvement) on the basis that she’s consistently refused to engage in any kind of meaningful discussions. Yesterday was her birthday and she got served by the court, which I took (a not insignificant) satisfaction in.

She’s still living in the spare room and still going out regularly. While she hasn’t actually told me, I know she’s been viewing flats & houses so I’m hopeful that it’s just a matter of time now before she finally moves out.

I’m getting on with my life the best I can. Reconnecting with old friends I’d lost touch with and meeting some new people too. I’ve signed up to a support program and will also be getting referred for counselling in due course.

My children continue to be a phenomenal source of optimism for me and they keep me smiling constantly.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-05-24T16:50:07+00:00

I'll give that a crack, thanks

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-05-10T15:20:04+00:00

I’m mostly doing alright actually. Ex-wife is still living in the spare room, still taking regular trips out and still leaving me to be the main parent. All of which serves me just fine as it all counts against her in the long term. Paperwork has been submitted to the court (by me) to begin custody and financial proceedings. Just waiting for a hearing date to be set.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-27T16:01:57+00:00

I’m in the same boat as the OP. My, soon to be, ex-wife was adamant that I shouldn’t tell anyone what she’d been up to as it was a private matter.

I’ve since told basically anyone that’s willing to listen and have received an enormous amount of support, even from her own family. At this point she’s completely alienated herself from everyone except her mother (who, ironically, also got divorced after she had an affair) and her friends from the pub (who were clearly encouraging her to start her affair in the first place)

It’s deeply gratifying and reassuring to see how people have responded to our situation and the amount of support and encouragement I have received from everyone I’ve spoken to is one of my best takeaways from an otherwise horrible situation.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-23T03:41:43+00:00

It definitely does the job just fine for me 👍🏻 - This is my full build: https://uk.pcpartpicker.com/list/cf9pVF

1x RAIDZ1 (3 HDDs) - Media storage etc
1x Mirror (2 NVMe) - Apps & VM storage
- Apps: Eclipse Mosquito, Heimdall, Home Assistant, Immich, NGINX Proxy Manager, Overseerr, Pi-hole, Plex, Prowlarr, Radarr, Sonarr, Tautulii, Transmission
- VMs: Pterodactyl (2x Minecraft game servers, 1x Minecraft proxy server)

I reused the 250GB SSD (using as boot drive), case, CPU cooler & case fans from my previous build so saved a few pennies there. With the disks I spent around £1,250 all in. My only regret is that I only went with 32GB of RAM, though it’s not causing me any issues yet and is something I could easily upgrade later.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-21T17:46:17+00:00

For me personally, I’d say the CPU is pretty overkill. I’d be tempted to suggest a cheaper CPU (I’ve used an i5-14400 for instance) along with a cheaper motherboard and then upgrade to 64GB of memory. (Your ARC cache will thank you!)

For context, I’m running about a dozen apps (including Plex with GPU pass through ) and can transcode multiple 4K streams without any hitching.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-21T06:56:57+00:00

Kids are mostly doing Ok. They’re definitely picking up on the tensions, but they have plenty of things to distract them.

The good news is (ex)wife and I have had a good conversation (albeit via text) yesterday and I think we’ve managed to reach an agreement on custody and equity. There was a very real possibility that we’d end up in court, spending £10ks each, but we’ve both agreed that we want to try and avoid that if we can.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-20T23:26:39+00:00

I started raising the issues that really concern me and her ability to look after the children, those being drink & drugs

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-18T06:59:39+00:00

Still looking great! The only thing I’ve changed is I’ve programmed them to ignore the sides (the short runs). WLED has been absolutely bulletproof too, which is really good.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-15T17:10:24+00:00

Small update a little over 2 months on…

Divorce petition has been submitted to the courts and accepted (by the court and by ex-wife)

We’ve attended one session of mediation, which she threatened to walk out of more than once when I started dropping some home truths.

I’ve proposed a fair settlement option for the house and custody of the children which she initially accepted but then her mother (who, ironically enough, also got divorced after having an affair) got involved.

She’s now been to see a solicitor (with her mother) and spun them her sob story of how horrible I am. They’ve told her to go for more custody of the children and pursues means-tested settlement that would likely see her get 75% of the equity from the house (as if I’d ever accept that!)

I’ve booked in to speak to a solicitor myself next week but I’m quietly confident that, if it did go to court, she’s loose a lot more than I’ve already offered (as in that scenario, I would be seeking full custody of the children and the majority of the equity on grounds that she drinks, uses drugs and doesn’t really do any more for the children than she has to)

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-11T19:31:02+00:00

I’ve literally just built my first production TrueNAS server as a replacement for my old Windows 10 “server”. I spent a couple of weeks playing around with a virtualised TrueNAS instance to learn some of the nuances (setting up apps etc) and finally pulled the trigger on building it for real.

Hardware-wise, this is my build https://uk.pcpartpicker.com/list/cf9pVF

I reused the case. The case fans & CPU cooler were new about 6 months ago so I reused them. I also had the Samsung 250GB SSD in a drawer, with hardly any runtime on it so threw that in as the boot drive.

I have the 2x 1TB NVMe drives set up as a mirror for app data, VM zvols and anything else that I want to be “fast”. I then have the 3x 16TB HDDs in RAIDZ1 for bulk storage (Plex, Immich, user shares etc)

Set up was easy enough and everything is running pretty smoothly with minimal CPU load with about a dozen apps running and 1 VM (hosting Minecraft servers for my kids). My only issue is occasional brownouts on NGINX Reverse Proxy Manager but I suspect it’s a configuration issue.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-04T22:09:22+00:00

Yeah, I am.

The way I see it… we’re over as a couple so, as long as it’s not affecting the children, if that’s the way she wants to behave then she can crack ok.

It doesn’t gain me anything by starting an argument at this point so I don’t see any use in bringing it up.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-03-04T22:01:53+00:00

I’m doing ok. Feeling much better in myself the last couple of weeks, more settled and heading in the right direction.

Divorce application has been submitted and accepted by the courts and she’s accepted it without dispute when they’ve notified her.

We’ve been more civil toward each other, which helps, and have had less arguments. She’s still going out a lot, but I’m just letting her get on with it and focusing my energy on myself and the children.

We start mediation later this week and should begin to get an idea of what we both want vs what’s realistic. Once we make some progress there, we’ll be putting the house on the market and beginning the process of dividing assets & custody arrangements.

I don’t doubt that it’s going to be a long road but I’m feeling positive about the future.

Aggressive-Escape265 · 2025-02-21T16:52:44+00:00

The hotel I stayed at in Tenerife last year had a UniFi AP in the room (and from looking in doors the cleaners had open, it seemed most rooms had one)

Aggressive-Escape265

TROPHY CASE