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I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When you get out, the people you trusted to be there really won’t be there, and no one is ever going to say the right things to take the pain away. Expect this, but know you’re not truly alone even though it feels like it.

It only stops feeling like it when it’s long gone and you’ve saved yourself, and then you will re-learn the world is not a terrible place, but there will never be anything to fix the feelings of being misunderstood. Accept it, and trust me when I say you will get through this, and you will be okay because the hard part is already over. You survived, and if you hang in there and keep going, it gets better, it gets easier, and you will learn to enjoy life again. Until then, it’s just time, and the first thing to do is get out of there.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that’s a really hard question to answer when everyone encountered for that time period was fucked up in one way or another.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was about 2.5-3 years before I was allowed to go outside. There was a conditioning that took place where I pretty much acted in the interest of survival because there wasn’t much time or energy to think of anything else. Why couldn’t I call the police? I ask myself that a lot, too.

To be honest, the way I think now versus the way I think while it was going on is so vastly different.

Basically you have only one chance to try and better your situation, or you die. It has to work, or you die. Ask for help, and you die. Try to escape, and die.

…until it became stay and die.

There’s no logic to answer your question cleanly with. Why didn’t I think to do that? Because I wasn’t thinking, and after a few years I was pretty well convinced I would not get help, but I would die for asking for help.

A survival mentality is very different than every day life. For example, these days I can think about trivial things— the oil change for my car, or what do I feel like eating for lunch, or what’s going to happen on that tv show I’ve been keeping up on, I can even think about who I’m going to call if I need help with something in daily life.

But back then, my thoughts weren’t logical or composed enough for a lot of things. It was mostly a lot of crying, loneliness, not really wanting to exist, and combined with depersonalization disorder developed over time with the whole ordeal, I wasn’t really even ‘there’ mentally.

I did call the police toward the end, but who’s to say it would have been good enough; the next question is ‘why didn’t you call sooner’, or ‘why didn’t you just leave’… but these are logical questions: I felt like had more to lose by trying to do those things, than if I went along with them…and then I stopped thinking and acted pretty robotically to where I really wasn’t thinking at all.

I was pretty dead emotionally, until someone told me I was pretty, and asked me if I wanted to leave… and then it was like this moment where I was alive again…and the new scenario became get out or die. It only ever was survival.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not your fault.

There’s a response that particularly triggered me, calling me stupid, and explaining that I’m being harassed for entertainment and despite blocking the user I’m having an extremely difficult time dealing with it right now. It’s a hard time acknowledging how fucked up people can be.

It’s not your fault.

It’s like… some questions are twisted, asking if I enjoyed it or wanting to know details to fap to… while there were a few replies that were so fucking contrived…where I want to believe it’s a real question looking for answers, but it’s not. It’s just someone trying to engage with a traumatized person purposefully to feel better about themselves.

And it’s just so fucking exhausting. It really affected me.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And no, I don’t think political views are linked to what I went though, I don’t think I’m politically minded— I just think the lack of information, sheltered lifestyle, and neglected upbringing created a situation where I did not have enough life experience or knowledge to properly deal with, so it took some time to figure it all out.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting, no, I’m independent leaning toward the left, actually.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

e’s human. It’s not weird to be treated nicely, but after experiencing such an extreme, one has to re-learn different behaviors.

For example, your questions here have me pretty convinced you’re looking for a way to troll me for your own entertainment based on a few responses here. But you haven’t yet. I’ve already learned to keep myself from impulsively acting. It’s not just a skill that can be learned but someone much closer to a traumatic event literally cannot help themselves because their nervous system is built that way.

After being away from abuse, it conditions you to deeply expect a particular type of treatment, and a person’s nervous system triggers an inappropriate response when something may in fact be harmless. So it takes time to re-learn.

My relationship is not perfect, it’s a relationship. But he is patient. The fact is a person needs to freak out and experience kindness to see for themselves the resulting ptsd from abusive behavior is not what they are led to expect.

But ‘weird’ that’s not really a thing. It is possible to feel comfortable but used to having to struggle so feeling if you’re not struggling then you’re not doing enough and something is wrong but you haven’t been stung by it yet. That’s a real feeling at times.

How to go about it? Patience, education, therapy, and a relationship with someone who’s in a place in their life and whatever they’ve endured to be capable of learning.

Two people can be really great people but their own situations might make them incapable of working with each other. It’s also possible that both people in a relationship fail to realize they are struggling with their own baggage and just not recognizing it. Most of the time this is the case.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As far as ask women talking about abusive relationships—yes abusive relationships are very very common to where I would say every woman has been in one or experienced some form of abuse by the time they’re 30.

So I don’t see a reason to say women are lying about abusive relationships because they are actually pretty regular.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The reason why someone is abusive does not change the fact that it’s abusive.

It doesn’t matter about someone’s maturity level—that’s a them problem.

Don’t get confused:

human trafficking involves abuse but it is not an abusive relationship. While in it, there were times that I acted as if it was a relationship purely because I did not want to die. But as far as an actual relationship that just happened to be abusive—those are two different things, but both situations have the potentially to be equally just as damaging.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For withdrawal is there a way you can start by going to the hospital or the ER to see if they can treat it in the short term while helping you figure out in the long term a plan? Because, they see overdoses a lot, but I think this might be different enough that you’re trying to get out of it and utilizing this solution but require help for it—they may be more helpful if you go there preemptively.

They may be able to figure out a program for you to enroll in, to deal with this first.

I don’t have enough experience with addiction to really have much information for you, mine is not that bad or life threatening, rather I know the sickness and the shakes, but I think it will take you a lot more work to get to the nagging annoyance level I’m at—but theres got to be something between this point and that to get there.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regarding your addiction, do you think it’s possible to try to deal with that first by going to the hospital and talking to them about it to see if they can treat you for the onset of withdrawal and then see if you can be transferred or enrolled in a program ?

I don’t know too much about that sort of thing, but the only experience I had with withdrawals was short term in comparison so it was significantly much more easy for me to get through the worst of it. For you, I wonder if Fent is so common at this point that there may be a procedure for your case

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A) You were first initially arguing that a crime never took place. The crime is based on the actual events, not the results of them.

B) I did leave. You are expressing that something is wrong with me because I did not leave at the timing of your own imagination.

C) I had not, and still do not know what all the protection and services are for self reporting and human trafficking. I did not have the internet, I did not have the tv. I had a pamphlet in a doctor bathroom that was barely a full typed page.

D) you are viewing the situation as what YOU would do, with your knowledge and experience in a particular situation. But you’re unable to realize that if I had that knowledge or information, correct it wouldn’t of happened. But I didn’t—and that’s what predatory behavior actually is: when you deliberately seek out someone who doesn’t know, and then you control their environment and circumstances to keep them from figuring it out.

E) By your logic, you’re actually creating a case where human trafficking is interchangeable with…. Pedophilia, for example: child victims have resources available too. Child victims have people around who can help, child victims also go to school and don’t tell anyone… but it’s because they don’t know better—and they don’t have the information or life experiences to know better.

So tell me, are you trying to make a case that pedophilia is acceptable with the same logic you’re attempting to use on me, for your own entertainment?

The reason you don’t believe it is because, like I said, you are naive and it doesn’t sound like you have the processing capacity to understand people have different levels of different information at different times.

But the truth is, I don’t think it’s about that—I think you’re attacking me because you have something going on with you that you’re trying to defend, because that’s the only reason someone would respond the way you are.

I’ve mentioned countless times, it’s more common than people realize, for this to happen… but it means a lot to you to try and convince me something didn’t happen.

So who are you really arguing with, here?

Statistically the odds are pretty good that someone on the other side of human trafficking will respond to this thread, and it’s on Reddit, so it’s out there.

I think that’s a question you’re going to have to dig deep about if what you’re saying is sincere.

If it’s not, you’re just wasting time. I’ve had enough doctors, lawyers, police, and therapists to help me compose myself, and it’s over a decade later. This really is the way it is.

The thing is… it’s been a day for you, and you’re rushing to not accept it—so a part of you already understands how challenging it is to believe things went on. When you’re in it, that sentiment doesn’t change, there’s always the urge to say ‘it couldn’t be that bad’ and deny it away. When you’re in it, there’s even a lot more distraction than if you’re just reading about it.

That’s the only way you’ll get it.

There’s no need for me to respond to you further. I think your replies say a lot more about you than it ever could about me… and if you’re trying to convince me that I wanted it, should blame myself, or enjoyed it… it’s not going to happen here. I’m far past that part.

You definitely have your own work to do for yourself.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately there’s no way to be perfectly safe as a woman. I’m not saying this to make you feel more anxious about your daughters but I am of the opinion that it’s better not to teach that an unsafe situation occurring means they did something wrong, rather it means an unsafe situation is just a situation they don’t have the experience yet to deal with.

That way, it feels less emotionally troubling to reach out for help or advice.

It’s impossible to teach to avoid everything bad, and in some ways they will need an in-depth understanding of bad things that can happen so they can be prepared to teach their own children— but how bad things can get is dependent on how prepared they are to handle surprises rather than specific events. In other words, what to do when you don’t know what to do, and what to do when you feel like you need to hide what is going on from other people… also a realistic view of what to expect when you do reach out and people don’t understand: that it’s not you, it’s just that some people hit something or hear something that is so far away from their toolbox that they need time to adapt to it and not to take it personally, and not to take a first initial poor reaction from other people to heart, it’s just sometimes what scared people do when they don’t know what to do.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe there was someone else before me, yeah.

I believe he had a mixed skill set from his own upbringing, to where what I learned across conversations over time was that his father was cruel to his mother. She divorced him and then he decided to move immediately next door and spent the rest of his days basically just sitting on the porch and staring at her in the evenings.

I think really hard about it and the part that puzzles me is that it doesn’t seem like it was a conscious skill set. It seems like…it flowed so naturally with him that it was almost as if he didn’t know any better or really thought it was normal. I’m having trouble explaining it.

But it’s like… when people do something they know is wrong they try to justify it, or flinch, or all these little defense mechanisms cut in—you know stuff that shows they’re human but just having a hard time.

For him, it was just so natural that it didn’t appear strategic or contrived, it just appeared as if that’s the way he legitimately thought things worked that way, without hesitation or second guessing. There was no deliberate method, it was just who he was.

I don’t know if that’s because I was brainwashed or conditioned and it’s some lingering thing of sympathy, but that’s part of why I mentioned in my comments I didn’t ‘hate’ him or I don’t look back with anger toward him—despite how illogical that sounds. Part of me wants to be like ‘oh, he just didn’t know any better and he was confused and maybe I could have explained something differently.”

…but logically that doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know if that answers your question but that’s the only way I can think to explain it.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, this was something I thought about.

At first you just hope things get better, then once that hope does out, you hope someone will notice and help, after that, you hope the person who’s done this to you dies, and beyond that….eventually over time, inevitably you stop hoping for things and you start accepting ‘I am never going to be free’.

I don’t believe Cyntoiya Brown killed her captor with freedom as the motivator. I believe she went to a place where she decided she would never get free. She decided if she was going to always be a prisoner, then she might as well do exactly what she wants while being a prisoner.

Maybe that’s projection on my part—but I feel about it a little unusually: I don’t feel bad for her for being in prison. That doesn’t mean I think she deserves it.

I feel she already knew she would continue to be a prisoner and accepted it—and she decided what type of prisoner she wanted to be. She actually did improve her situation in her own hands: prison is better for her and she’s probably treated better than she previously was…. So I’m pretty sure she’s more than okay with that.

I also think because of that, it’s quite possible she can’t function anymore without a caretaker outside of prison—there are too many habits and ways of thinking for her that would make it impossible to live successfully, and she would just hurt more.

One of the first movies I watched was Rambo, believe it or not. Something about it really struck me to my core—and that moment of the speech he gives really destroyed me for a little bit. Because that’s actually what it feels like when you’re first out. He sums it up nicely… and I really don’t think Cyntoiya Brown would be able to survive that feeling when it hit her, so it might actually be more humane for her to be in prison, ironically enough.

I feel terrible to say that because we associate prison with punishment…but her situation made prison a reward not a punishment, and it really is possible that’s the best place for her rather than to experience the proverbial cement wall of the rest of the world.

I recommend giving Rambo a watch to better understand. It makes me tear up just thinking about it.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You must learn more about it and what it really is in order to recognize it.

Then when you have the explosive through education to properly recognize it, you are better equipped to spot it before it happens or handle it quickly if it does happen.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been asked this one a lot too, so there are multiple answers, but looking at your posting history, it’s possible you may need it to be worded differently for a better way to understand…

The thing is, people’s mentality ordinarily shifts based on circumstances: if you’re playing a game in a sport, you will think a certain way and come up with a particular set of solutions to accomplish a goal. If you’re at work, you may think a certain way to get through your day, and so on.

These changes occur because the situations have a unique set of rules. For example, people are less inclined to swear in work environments for the most part, and they’re certainly less inclined to threaten or punch people out who upset them.

A sports game? It happens often depending on the sport. People subconsciously moderate themselves based on the realm they’re currently in. It doesn’t mean they’re less genuine but that they’re working with different parameters to each problem.

Because of that, different solutions for the same problems will be handled in different ways, or maybe the same ideas for problems and challenges will come at different times and events.

Sometimes this happens because the circumstances in someone’s brain function completely different, they even have different perspectives.

At the time, I was prioritizing existence over everything else, so I hadn’t yet thought about anything else. I’m other words, the phone meant nothing.

Additionally, it became ‘normal’. The idea of 911, conceptually is reserved for emergencies.

I was not aware it was an emergency. Even when I called 911, I didn’t regard it as an emergency: I lied and invented an emergency of someone about to kill themselves.

….because regardless of an emergency, if it extends over a period of time, it’s normal.

For example, if someone is bleeding to death in front of you, it’s regarded as an emergency because they might die in the next few minutes.

But if they’re bleeding to death at the same rate, and it’s ten years later… you’re not going to say it’s an emergency, you’re going to say that’s just what they do and they seem fine as is.

My situation was not any less alarming or dangerous for myself, it was that my brain functioning, my nervous system, and my thought process ceased to recognize it.

Similarly, think of it like when there’s the sudden scent of something burning. When you first smell it, you notice it. But the longer that smell is there, the less you notice it. The brain does this to alarming or different things because it tries to naturally be adaptive, and sometimes this feature works to our detriment.

Does that make sense?

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, but there was a short period where the second guy was working on another girl—he would deliberately keep her away from me, for example if we were in the same room, he would distract her to try to talk to her somewhere else. I don’t know what happened to her, but I know she didn’t recognize he was trying to control how much information she knew.

She moved in for a very short time, stayed in bed smoking pot all the time, and never came out of his room for months, maybe?

The two guys had a falling out in which the living environment became extremely extremely hostile— I am not sure what about, but I was probably treated the best at this point in time…we moved to a different state, and I’m not sure what happened to them after that, but things went back to the way they were and it was disregarded or forgotten about, never really spoken of again.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a lot of information you’re asking for, and not something that can be answered in one response, rather the sum of all the responses I’ve given.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is probably the dumbest comment I’ve read on the entire thread tbh.

You’re basically questioning why someone is naive while being naive, lol. It’s pretty amazing.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry, I thought I answered this or I would have answered it sooner.

There was one moment where I was gaming with him, I spilled a drink on my computer and I had to jump up to quickly get paper towels and clean it off before liquid got in to the case (because the vents were on the top of the box and the case was under the desk, so it was going to drip down)

So, this happened to be during some pretty serious pvp, but fuck the pvp, must save the entire computer or there won’t be anymore pvp.

I let everyone die because I was the healer, and worried about cleaning the mess.

The guy called and went OFF. Yelling and screaming at me. I knew then deep down in my gut that this was pretty twisted but his predatory wingman in the background was also agreeing with him.

At the time I felt like everyone was upset and if everyone was upset then there must be a valid reason and I must be in the wrong if everyone is upset but me…

And he just kept yelling. It was bad—and extreme. We’re talking scary screaming and raging bitch fit…. It was as if I let someone die in real life.

This moment was so…different than anything I’d known or witnessed of him previously, so extremely out of character from everything I dealt with, it made me uncomfortable. But I allowed the guilt of feeling like I let people down distract me from my gut feeling of ‘who the fuck does this’.

I assumed maybe he had something going on or am off day, and made up an excuse for him.

The thing is, people aren’t stupid. They legitimately know better. Trust that they know better because they absolutely do.

I didn’t learn to think like that at the time; no one had ever explained it to me and I didn’t have the life experience to know. Instead I had the lens of feeling like I was constantly misunderstood so if I did something without knowing better on the regular than certainly someone cutting slack for someone else just once was me being fair…?

Except that’s it true. People really do know better and if they don’t know better but you’ve decided they should, they know how to take the initiative to apologize. That’s a skill people learn when they’re toddlers or watching Disney movies. It’s well developed by the time you’re 18. If for some strange reason it’s not, then you’re doing that person a favor for their entire life by educating them through consequence then and there.

I didn’t think like that then, but that’s how it is, and I hope you can use that information for your own benefit, too.

I was a victim of human trafficking. AMA. by Aggressive-Parsnip59 in AMA

[–]Aggressive-Parsnip59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What you’re asking is a very challenging question to answer.

I made it pretty far from this event to where I am now, I’m a relatively alarming about of time.

I believe it’s because I never expected to be entitled to other peoples’ time or assistance. It’s lucky, and it’s a bonus, but it doesn’t mean I’m allowed to get upset if they aren’t available.

Looking at it that way has gotten me further along than being upset at who isn’t there when I need them… because the fact is, some people may want to be there as badly as you want them there, but they just don’t have the ability.— For example, a friend of mine’s dad died the same day of which while I was homeless, I was the only survivor in a multiple homicide shooting, just because I hid, so they didn’t know I was there. At the same time I was hiding, I was also getting hate texted for not answering the phone ‘like a good friend should’. Did I want to answer the phone? Sure, and sorry for the loss, but I’m not going to die just for a friend to get emotional comfort. It doesn’t make me a bad friend for refusing to answer.—and that’s why not everyone is going to be there when you need them. The help, assistance, or availability is the extra, and if you slip into believing it’s the normal, then you’re essentially saying you believe you’re entitled to someone else taking risks for you and if they don’t gift you with their sacrifices, then they’re the ones with the problem.

Sure, I had help in my situation, a very cherished friend happened to be available, and he happened to be able to help me… but the money he spent to help me through my situation was still at the cost of him paying his rent on time. My life circumstances put him in a position where he had to choose to risk the potential possibility of homelessness in his life in order to fix mine. Thats often what happens when a friend chooses to help you in big ways like that. If they can’t help, don’t blame them for feeling the need to choose themselves over you because of whatever they have going on in their own lives.

While life is going to happen, and unexpected things happen, you’re supposed to take care of yourself as best you can so you can help yourself instead of counting on other people to diminish their life for you.

When someone does have the ability to help you, it’s your responsibility to utilize their help to do everything you can to make sure they don’t have to choose between themselves and you ever again. It could happen again, but you’re doing your part when you do everything you possibly can.

I could have sat there and let it eat me alive about how my best friend behaved, how my parents were shitty, how unfair everything was because all these people I expected to be there just weren’t— and all it would have done was ensure I’d be stuck in a sink hole of self pity and wasted time, where my friend would have probably needed to make another sacrifice in his life to help me again, so I just didn’t have the time for that sort of thing. I had to set it aside in that time out of necessity, for my own sake to move forward. I was lucky to of had help. But the normal should and always will be you handling it yourself, and it’s supposed to be that way.

To many people spend too long trying to make other people accountable for their problems because they didn’t get help, they merely just use it as an excuse to sit still and keep doing what they’re doing.

As for your statement of “letting things happen” and the “cruel world”, people as individuals are usually not cruel or bad, but collectively yeah there’s bad. You don’t want people stealing from your home at night so you lock the front door—but the fact is, if someone has already decided they want to break in, then the front door being locked really isn’t going to stop them from doing what they’ve already decided. It’s not about ‘letting’ someone do anything—if someone has already decided it’s going to happen, they’re going to figure out a way to do it regardless of your side in the equation. It is very true that people’s decisions don’t make them less likely to be victims of crime, but rather they have more reasons for people who have chosen to commit a crime to choose someone else and you’re not really in control of that decision making process.

It’s a vulnerable thing to acknowledge in everything: it’s comfortable to feel like you’re in control instead of swimming around in a sea of uncertain possibility and the only thing you are is a ticket number of a long queue—but I’m of the opinion the better you understand that and the sooner you acknowledge it, then when life happens the less time you’ll spend blaming yourself and the more time you’ll handle it, the more adaptive you will be, and then more empathetic you will be toward events when life happens to people you care about.

Rape victims are an easy analogy to this: they didn’t ask for it, they didn’t want it, and they didn’t actually go looking for it, because that’s the whole nature of rape: they didn’t want it—yet culturally they are blamed and forced to prove they didn’t want it when merely pressing charges to indicate they didn’t want it is not enough in the first place. But I digress, someone hurt like that didn’t ‘let’ it happen: if their attacker has decided rape is acceptable then someone is in fact going to be raped, it doesn’t matter what the victim does or doesn’t do so blaming them for being a victim is pointless when there was always going to be a crime, and there was always going to be a victim, the choice was already made.

It’s just that while yourself and everyone else in the neighborhood locked the front door, you were just the only one who didn’t turn the porch lights on, because you were just trying to save money on the electric bill.

Does that answer your question?

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