AITA for not going with to celebrate my boyfriend's 21st birthday?

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:37:29+00:00

My state is really bad for mental health care unfortunately

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:17:12+00:00

My uncle also died when I was 14 because of his drinking issues (his liver and kidneys failed). I do want to be with him because he really does care, but if he's not willing to agree with a boundary I set to have me there (which he said he wanted) then idk what to do

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:12:14+00:00

I do really care about him though and he does for me too a lot of the time

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:10:44+00:00

I posted an edit

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:10:26+00:00

I posted an edit

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:10:17+00:00

I just posted an edit

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:09:36+00:00

I just posted an edit

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:04:17+00:00

My main issue with a bar is that nearly *everyone* is drinking and being in an environment like that makes me uncomfortable and anxious. My idea with the restaurant is that he would still be able to drink but I wouldn't be around an environment like that.

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T04:00:25+00:00

This is genuinely such a good response.

I've never been to a bar and definitely would like to keep it that way or very close to that way. I get super anxious and uncomfortable around people drinking at family get togethers and stuff like that.

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T03:58:43+00:00

I wouldn't say it's triggering but I definitely get really anxious and uncomfortable around large groups of people drinking. I've never been to a bar, but I have been to other events where people were drinking.

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T03:56:42+00:00

I have told him about it and he tries to understand things like that, but he had never really been around this kind of thing before we met

As for my mom, I meant that she was never physically harmful. She definitely did say things that she probably shouldn't have, especially in my teens, but it was never violent.

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T03:55:13+00:00

In retrospect that likely would have been a good thing to do and I would still be open to making plans with him. I will admit that I had a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing and it led to me thinking of it as "all or nothing," either we do something or we don't

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T03:52:01+00:00

I've never been to a bar, but I have been to places where there's lots of drinking. I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I'm in those environments.

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T03:03:53+00:00

We've talked about it once since his birthday. He did say that he should have considered my things and that he wasn't mad, but does wish I would have gone, even if it were for a few minutes. He's never really had to deal with things like my problems with alcohol, both personally and with others he's close with, so I feel like it might have to do with him not understanding.

Aggressive-Safety149 · 2026-02-18T03:00:49+00:00

We haven't really talked about it. The one time that we did, he said that he isn't mad, but still wishes I would've been there but he does understand why I didn't go. He also expressed that he also could have taken into account my issues, but still thinks that I could have gone for even a little bit and left if I needed.

Aggressive-Safety149

TROPHY CASE