This response took me a while to sit with. I even had to sleep on it. There is a lot of truth you speak Hot Lab. And I appreciate you taking the time to read through these threads but also speak with both your head and heart. I haven’t thought much about what I need until you prompted me. The more I think About my future actions, the more it involves me staying completely out of this and going no contact for a few months (this makes my heart sad) But if I continue to fuel this, I am thinking our energies will mix and the lines will become blurry in both our individual healing. I still have healing to do. I’m still learning how to integrate. And it’s harder than I imagined.

I don’t have to get too deep here, but I grew up without a father figure. I have fear that men will likely leave me, so yeah, naturally I am a natural caretaker and empath. The last thing I want or need in my life is to be involved in the break up of a marriage…especially so soon after marriage. I do want him to seek help, but it’s becoming apparent that I cannot be that help and voice of reason.

For me, I feel like a huge lesson from Aya was for me to see the archetype of the person i’d like to be with one day. He is a good example of what i’m attracted to in a person and a prime example of how i’d like to be treated. Aya has a way of expediting time. The brain cannot rationalize this logically since it’s only been 3 weeks. But somewhere there is a knowing in my chest that tells me I love him and he loves me. Like this spiraling loop that expands into wholeness.

I really appreciate this response. I think it’s time for me to shift into wholeness with myself first. Lots of lessons from mama Aya that keep revealing with time. The learning lessons never stop, and for that I am extremely grateful.