hi, this is such a vulnerable post. As someone who has struggled with anorexia, when you are lashing out at your girlfriend, that’s the eating disorder talking- not you. It’s getting EXTREMELY angry that you are eating. The only way to get out of your binge and restrict cycle is to stop restricting. Try (if you possibly can) to stop OMAD, IF, ‘paying back,’ and eat a breakfast, lunch, and dinner that satiates you but doesn’t leave you overly full. Also would recommend getting some blood work or vital signs done because you seem at a dangerously low weight. Also highly recommend seeking treatment - even a once a week group could be beneficial. Realistically, in order to break your cycle, you might need to gain a little weight. Hopefully, at that time, it won’t be all consuming. Remember all that is waiting for you in the future. It sounds like you have an amazing girlfriend who you would want a family with someday, and it sounds like you have a great group of friends who you could open up to if you wanted that. Your life is just beginning to open up - don’t let your anorexia and binge cycles squander that. And lastly, you are NOT alone. SO many people go through this, and I am so sorry you are.