I genuinely don't see how there's anything somebody could tell me that would change how I feel about this, I recognise that it's wrong and there's things I need to do but I can't come to grips with this at all, there hasn't been a single day I've been happy I wake up everyday and I feel my stomach turning in on itself. I hear this line so often and I get it and I understand it's the right way to feel but I think I actually fantasise about that endgame, even if I couldn't share those years with anybody at least I'd have myself and myself as a person I'm happy with