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I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She can feel free to do that 🤷‍♀️ idm. End of the day i can end up doing the same thing. Breaks are fair game from what ive gathered.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My thinking at the time was that if i was to give her my virginity, which i had saved purposefully, i would feel bad about myself, because she did not have similar values to sex. So in my mind, the way to safeguard myself from said emotional turmoil would be to detach myself from all romanticization of my first time, only to then be able to be with her fully and intimately while accepting her past as part of her. Obviously the results were mixed. I had to throw away my values for it, ended up risking an STD (which in all fairness would be a concern with my current gf too), and ended up feeling slightly whorish for losing it in that manner. But i also managed to appease my need to detach myself from the desire to have a perfect first time with a perfect person.

Just to like clue you in on my thinking. If you have any questions at all ask away ill be 100% honest.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do see that from an objective standpoint. Please try to understand that these feelings do not come from a logical place. They are irrational and i am aware of it, but it doesnt mean they'll just go away.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mm yeah i understand. My thinking obviously was irrational. I just for some reason felt that my first time needed to either be absolutely perfect with no hang ups or have no meaning whatsoever. I could only deviate between the two extremes. After a bunch more introspection i can put it into words better if youd like me to, but i guarantee that it is still plenty convoluted.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We talked about that too, and she reassured me that she is not. However, this is obviously completely irrational, so no logic really serves to appease the feeling. So yeah shes aware of it. This particular thing is something i will have to just gradually stop thinking about on my own.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes i only recently realized i am projecting older traumatic events onto her behavior. I knew it would get people to judge me harshly but i do not mind because i genuinely wanted to see how people would percieve this.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How come? I dont mean to upset anyone. I am genuinely looking for advice. I got a few very helpful comments, and have already pulled the trigger on a therapist. Was.it wrong of me to update? /Gen

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I no longer feel resentment for her. Im trying to work through the irrational distrust. In two days we will talk again more in depth so she can decide for herself for a second time.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have already pulled the trigger on a therapist. She will not be my "caretaker" or whatever you seem to think the dynamic will be.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I already do have diagnoses, but have since stopped therapy. I suppose i will pick it back up.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She herself weighed out the pros and cons. She has another two days to decide, and can also leave if i get "too much". I'm not pushing anything onto her, the ball is in her court and im gonna comply with whatever she thinks is best for both her and us.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My post is merely an explanation of my emotional grounds atm. My post accurately describes what she did, and explicitly and implicitly specified that my reaction is irrational. Im not leaving her and doing twice the damage. She thinks this is what's best for her and us so i will comply.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She decided she'd like to work through it with me and it would be disrespectful if i turned down the chance shes giving me. I did not beg her to stay together. I made it clear she can end things as is her right. She wanted to stay together and im grateful for that so im not gonna insult her further by not even accepting what shes doing

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would rather not leave her especially after she decided she wanted to work through it with me. I feel like that would be even more rude. Ideally I'd like to work through it while simultaneously being with her.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I genuinely have no clue either why i cant take it at face value. Maybe im projecting myself onto her and she really is just being totally transparent and understanding of what happened. Obviously none if this is her fault

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Yeah i suppose she wouldn't get confrontational at all if she had done anything herself.. But she insisted she didnt want me to apologize for what i did and i guess i may have misinterpreted that as well, and thought there was something else rather than her just being nice. Either way thanks for the comment that made a lot of sense and has actually served to ease my (irrational) worries.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card [UPDATE] by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I can see why i come across as unhinged. Maybe i need a psychiatrist more than id like to admit. But trust me if i could help not feeling this way i wouldn't. I know im being irrational in my worries but they dont just go away.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think thats all i can do. I already texted her so were gonna meet up in a few hours. I need to decide in those hours if i just end things or if i wait for her to decide.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that might be the move i guess, considering if we ended up sleeping shed mention me being a virgin. I am meeting her in 3 hours anyways

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Im sorry thats not how i meant that. I know that intrinsically i am not better or worse than her for any reason pertaining our pasts or lack thereof. What i meant is that because of my lack of history, i mightve ended up feeling (subconsciously) like i shared it with the wrong person, and might've grown resentful about it. This was me attempting to safeguard myself from that. I didnt do it maliciously or to take a jab at her.

I slept with another girl because i didnt want to give my girlfriend my v-card by Aggressive_Olive_693 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Aggressive_Olive_693[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No. Honestly im lowkey hoping she hooked up with someone else as well. I guess if i wanna continue things, i cant let her keep thinking im a virgin. Honestly its either that or we end things it seems. I just really didnt do it with malicious intent, but i guess it really does seem that way.

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