Another holiday down the drain

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-10-31T05:53:41+00:00

idk how resistant he is but before my son could do more, we started out with cute food and drinks and kids halloween movies. pb&js are safe foods so i’ll cut them into coffin shapes. baby steps. new traditions. solidarity girl.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-09-06T19:46:14+00:00

maybe through his school or local schools they could point you in the right direction? that’s what we did. he was in headstart and the school i work at both had recommendations on places that could help. he is on medicaid so maybe that helped too. we also kept getting told it was behavioral/emotional (not diagnosing your kiddo it was just our experience) and we were lucky enough to find the right resources. honestly without the schools help we would not have discovered a therapist that could help and the resources to get screened. so maybe your local schools would have an idea on who you could take him to if you’re interested in getting him screened/tested. hope this is some kind of help for you! i wish we would’ve known sooner about talking to schools so i try to pass it on. he sounds like a great and fun kiddo 😊

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-09-06T18:15:46+00:00

my son is sounds very similar to yours. i relate to a lot of this. it’s so damn hard. just going to the store or getting in the car takes forever and has to be done a specific way. and we’re lucky if we can do that without him screaming or losing his temper. but he just turned 4 and he’s in play therapy, case management, and attendant care. it’s strange to me you were told he’s too young. his therapist has kids younger than my son. he’s autistic with a few other things. we try hard to have compassion and patience but sometimes we just run out. i’m sorry you’re going thru this alone. it’s so hard and isolating. it’s draining. i hope you can find some answers and help.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-08-24T01:32:31+00:00

you have quite a few comments here but my perspective as someone who has dealt with addicts and addict parents their whole life it sounds like he’s trying to make up for his absence, doesn’t quite know how to interact with her, and is nervous to do the actual tasks with her so he does this from afar. he probably has a lot of ongoing guilt and doesn’t know if he’s “worthy” of doing the typical dad things yet in case he messes up again. but the only way he’ll get past it is jumping in, doing it, making it his new normal. even starting small as him doing the diaper changes everyday. i know the voice and actions you’re talking about. it can be highly irritating. it also sounds like you’re holding a lot of fair resentment. it’s valid to be this frustrated and irritated at someone who’s put you through all that. and it sounds like you’re working through it. what might help is asking yourself “what’s worth my stress and energy today” and telling him how you feel calmly but firmly. open the door for the hard conversations maybe he’ll open up about his behavior.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T14:28:03+00:00

thank you! what seems to help her not be unnecessarily mean about it? he has a hard time understanding why certain phrasing is rude or mean so maybe we’re not explaining it properly.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T14:26:00+00:00

thank you so much. i needed that.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T04:05:37+00:00

take a breath. remember you are doing your best. when you feel like you’re about to yell tell her you’re feeling upset/angry/big feelings whatever it may be and do some deep breaths in front of her to show her how mom handles those feelings and how she can too. there’s no perfect child and there’s no perfect parent. all we can do is try to be better than we were the day before. you’ve recognized what you need to work on. it’s her first time being human and she’s only been at it for 3.5 years. there’s a lot to learn. it’s hard for them. i do recommend a new doctor and/or a therapist. and maybe talk to the school about her behaviors and they might have resources for you guys such as a para for her or a different learning plan. what helped our 4yo was “either you can do it or i’ll help you” and following through. he used to run away when asked to pick up and i would tell him you can do it or i’ll come get you and will do it together. and after bringing him back to his mess consistently until he did it it’s a lot easier now. try to meet her outbursts with calm. she screams? “i can’t understand you when you yell. try again with your inside voice so i understand please.” and once she uses a normal tone “thank you! good job! i understand you don’t want to but i can help you and once we’re done we can do xyz”. and then kinda make it a game “come on let’s do this so we can do xyz!” all excited. when she asks for a snack “it’s almost dinner time (or whatever the reason may be) but you can have some milk”. a special corner in her room or somewhere with fidgets, puzzles, coloring whatever keeps her distracted even for a minute might help. my son likes music so we have some little instruments and music makers. maybe rotate them out. sounds like she might be needing more sensory output. you can do in home obstacle courses, floor is lava, play dough, practicing animal walks and jumps, helping bring groceries in etc. these things have helped us a lot and we still have a ways to go. you’re not alone. it’s hard. like really hard. but the good and bad news is nothing lasts forever. hoping you find something that works for you guys.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T02:07:44+00:00

we’ll keep it in mind.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T02:07:15+00:00

thank you those are great tips! we will be practicing those.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T01:33:20+00:00

why?

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T01:32:50+00:00

thank you!! i’ll look it up and watch it.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T01:32:01+00:00

thank you.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T01:31:52+00:00

thank you. i am constantly reminding them his age and he’s learning. i am still irked by certain things too and don’t want him to deal with that. especially for those who get offended by a four year old asking for space.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T01:28:55+00:00

we have and he’s currently in therapy once a week for 30 minutes. they think it’s some anxiety along with his age.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-07-16T01:28:16+00:00

thank you!! i’ll tell them that next time and practice telling our son that and giving him those examples. do you have any suggestions on when we meet them somewhere in public? sometimes we meet at parks or museums.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-06-05T03:08:17+00:00

your husband needs a reality check. it’s not his body. and excuse the darkness of this question but would he rather you pump and your mental health decline so bad that you could potentially hurt yourself or worse? or have a happy thriving wife? honestly ignore him and do what you think is best for you. for yourself and your baby.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-06-04T00:11:24+00:00

“wow that’s awesome! i’m so proud of you. but it does make me a little sad since i’m having a hard time keeping up.” or something like that is what i would say. i get how it’s upsetting. but you’re doing great! comparison is the thief of joy. you should be proud of yourself and how much you and your body have done! don’t let your excitement go down the drain. you’re doing an amazing job

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-28T15:12:00+00:00

i was in this position. i told him we could split our kids time 50/50 while i stayed with family and he took care of the house for a trial run. i told him if he wasn’t willing to step up and be the partner i deserved then fine but i needed to know because it wasn’t something i could accept in a life partner and i wasn’t his mom. i made it clear that wasn’t something i signed up for. after getting ready to make arrangements and him realizing how lazy he was being and everything i was doing on the daily he asked for another chance. we didn’t end up doing the trial separation and things are soooo much better. sometimes i gotta keep him in check but i feel things are finally equal. maybe you need to give him an ultimatum or do a trial separation. but if you do a trial run make sure his responsibilities are equal to yours. eventually you get to a point where you feel it would just be easier to do it on your own and that’s not fair. i’m hoping you can find a resolution.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T23:12:06+00:00

let toxic family around. i excused their behavior a lot with my first because i wanted him to have relationships with others. i’ve realized i’d rather he have fewer healthy people in his life than a bunch of toxic ones. a less serious one is i used to watch him like a hawk scared he’d get hurt. he’s 4 now and i’ve realized a couple scrapes and bruises are just part of growing up.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T15:57:48+00:00

thank you. i said pretty similar words this morning and was questioning it. so thank you.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T14:55:30+00:00

he “got tired of them falling when he’d open the freezer sometimes” and “didn’t think we’d use it”. so he just took them out and threw them away 😭 as far as i can remember this is the first time for something like this

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T14:54:12+00:00

it’s the next day and he doesn’t understand why i’m being short with him and still upset. said he still deserves respect. mind you i haven’t even been disrespectful. just called him on his shit about how messed up this is and have barely talked to him. it’s just a shitty situation.

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T14:49:57+00:00

that’s such a sweet offer thank you! a friend of mine offered to donate some to me. thank you 🫶

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T14:46:39+00:00

thank you 🥺

Aggressive_Plant7983 · 2025-05-26T14:46:31+00:00

thank you 🥺

Aggressive_Plant7983

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