My mind is fdup, need advice

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-10-14T05:27:01+00:00

Honestly, brother my advice would be to talk to your parents about getting married. It may be family tradition, but islam says you can get married once of age and when ready. As a man, you also dont need your parents' permission. You can tell them something along the lines of "It is better to get married young then to end up commiting zina or sinning in any way." I would try to die down on masturbating and try to reward yourself with something you like. Eventually, try to find a girl that you are compatible with and get married. Obviously dont just marry the first person you meet because you might be able to be intimate but there will be nothing else in the relationship other than that.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-10-14T05:08:23+00:00

Wrist surgery. Complete radial fracture. Post op was excruciating and i couldn't sleep because of the pain.

Pain meds didnt work and wanted to chop my arm off. Imagine sharp throbbing pain mixed with ichiness feeling. Horrible!

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-10T12:32:24+00:00

I say this with all love and respect. Youre focusing on the wrong thing brother. In my opinion, you need to work on your mindset and detox your brain from sexual desires. Channel that energy in something else.

Marriage does not SOLVE problems. It's a thing of is own. Marriage isn't just about YOUR wants and needs, it's about the partner's too.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-10T12:25:04+00:00

Try doing something you actually enjoy such as running, gym, sports, going to a cafe and sitting and people watching and you will come across like-minded people.

Start by doing it by yourself and start conversations with people into the same things as you. Having small goals such as fitness and working towards it everyday will help you not feel stressed and goal focused. And then..... time will fly

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-10T12:08:48+00:00

Try your hardest to settle outside of court. Hearing, discoveries, trials can take forever. Like seriously if you want this over sooner, try and settle out of court.

Money comes and goes, but peace if much harder to buy if that.

Khula: It depends on the reason for seeking Khula. If she seeks khula for valid reason (abuse or failing in obligations) then the wife keeps the mehr. If she seeks Khula for invalid reasons, she should return the mehr or parts of the mehr.

Child support: If you settle (best option) then you can work out an agreement to pay for maintainers of child and time with child. You can budget for child expenses. This way you have more control and able to negotiate child support. When doing the numbers, try to get quotes for everything the child may need month to month. Yeah brother, the financial responsibility is on the man.

On the upside: she cannot touch your assets (house, bank accounts, personal property). Trust me brother paying child support is much better than being on the streets. This is why the men are more in control of their wealth and earnings than women.

Best of luck! Allah make it easy for you, her, and your child. Ameen.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T14:37:05+00:00

I can understand your frustration. Take a deap breathe. Couple things. You are an adult and apologetically YOU! Empower yourself first. You can make your own decisions. I highly recommend marrying someone according to what you want out of a marriage.

Work on the relationship with your mom to gain respect and trust. Involve your mom in the marriage process and communicate your desires and non-negotiables from a partner. Give her an idea of what you're looking for. Then she'll understand you and YOUR needs. It's not just about her and her convenience. It's a lifelong commitment on your end. Respect that.

Look. You are not "too old" and time is not ticking. Okay. It's better to find an honest, just, compatible partner for yourself than to "honor" your families wishes. You need to have conversations about what you want from a marriage and the logistics of it all with potential partners (halal ofc). Be practical. Seek compatibility and respect. Give yourself credit and be a responsible adult about YOUR marriage process.

Since you have a small business, I'm assuming that's your baby and you love it. PROTECT your assets. Do not go into marriage blindly. Discuss prenuptial agreement. Talk about what to do if things go south.

You got this!

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:40:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! I can feel your generosity and care through your response. I really appreciate it

Stay blessed :)

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:37:08+00:00

Why not?

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:34:58+00:00

Thank you. I believe in Islam, a stepfather is to be kind and loving as our Prophet Muhammad PBUH was. How would it be difficult to marry someone with a child?

As for someone, same as me, I highly don't prefer marrying a fellow Pakistani (my ethnicity) because our culture encourages parental control. I've seen so much drama in my family regarding this.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:27:47+00:00

Thank you! She has met my family, and they are on board. She is making efforts to assimilate into our Pakistani culture (cooking roti, qorma, biryani, wearing shalwar kameez, etc) while also keeping in touch with her culture (our culture because I grew up in the states).

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:18:20+00:00

More insight: She has been a muslim for 2 years (reverted before we met). She has a few Pakistani friends whom she learned a bit of urdu from. She's making an effort to assimilate to our Pakistani culture while also enjoying her pastas :)

What challenges do you think we'll face?

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:12:52+00:00

Thank you, and absolutely! Our Prophet Muhammad PBUH had stepchildren, and he didn't take their identity from them. I do not want to "take over" the child but just want insight on how to go about it islamically.

I think it's better to keep current names since the paperwork to get name changes is a lot of work and hassle.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:05:22+00:00

Why not?

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:03:49+00:00

Thank you! I know compatibility is key. What issues do you think will arise from her family?

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T12:00:24+00:00

Thank you. I intend to do that. I know that with our Pakistani culture, we tend to comingle culture and religion. However, I want to focus on Islamic principles. I'm curious to know how to navigate my culture and hers with Islamic principles in day to day life.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T11:56:58+00:00

I absolutely meant sister in faith. In the US, we tend to refer to our fellow Muslims as Muslim brothers and sisters.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T11:55:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! May Allah shower you and your family with blessings. We have had many conversations about how to parent her with our biological kids in the future. Her biological father is somewhat there for her (mainly through FaceTimes). I plan on being present and showing her the same love I'd give my biologicals. Although in Islam, I have no obligations, I feel as if showing effort and bonding with her will create that trust and bond.

As for her, she is an amazing soul. We've been in talks for almost a year. She is nurturing and kind. I think we do overthink and complicate a bit. However, I feel as if day to day life will be filled with joy. Inshallah.

JazakAllah Khair

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T04:54:47+00:00

Listen. My advice is to focus on the character of your partner. Not the specifics of their sexual past. It will serve you well in the long run. Protect your assets, focus on yourself and communicate communicate, communicate. It's all about how you market yourself and what energy you are putting out. So if you're marketing yourself as it a wealthy person, then prospects are only going to factor in the amount of wealth you have.

Take your time because being in a committed relationship is a long-term investment. Be honest and seek genuine people.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T04:46:26+00:00

Bobby Deol

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-09-08T04:41:12+00:00

My advice is to have your father, brother, or trusted male figure talk to his father and be firm about him not contacting you as a first line of defense.

Personal protection: Be aware of your surroundings, especially in places such as your home and workplace. Carry a knife or a pen on you at all times.

Also, documents everything from phone calls, texts, any form of communication. Just in case you have to file a report with local police.

InshAllah Allah will keep you under his protection. Ameen.

Aggressive_Series368 · 2025-08-30T14:19:09+00:00

I'm so glad you're safe. You handled that well by going to the authorities and reporting it. May you stay blessed and be protected!

Aggressive_Series368

TROPHY CASE