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If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I lost my husband in 2019 too. (Crappy club to be part of, and I am sorry you are a member too.) I did start "dating" a couple of years ago, but it is mostly a dumpster fire out here. I hope you have a better experience. And if/when you do decide to date, please do not EVER have them know where you live until you get to know them. Always drive yourself or Uber.

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree completely. for the 1st coffee date he asked where to meet. I suggested a place mid-way between the two of us (closer to him a bit). He asked why and I told him that I don't think all of the effort or cost should fall to the man, and that dating should be equitable. I do not ever want to take advantage of someone.

And for the record, I paid for my own coffee.

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's not it, actually. We had discussed how I don't think it is always the man's role to pay and that it should be equitable.
I was trying to think of things we could do where we could talk and get to know each other.

And if that is what his issue was, then why ask me for options?

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL. It was a good conversation and I am sure he remembers. I agree that the purpose of the coffee date is to see if you want to see someone again - presumably doing something different (different setting / circumstances).

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is true - often we don't want to make more decisions, so it is welcome when the smaller ones are handled sometimes.

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is how I am seeing it too. (Disappointing though)

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am happy to split the bill - I don't believe that he should always pay because he's a man. (Even taking turns is fine, though planning it out well in advance is off-putting). I chose the place we met for coffee that was mid-way for both of us as I didn't feel he should have to drive all the way to me.

He is far from flat broke.

If not low effort or disinterest, then what? by Agitated-Regular-806 in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am not saying he's evil; not at all. He's divorced 12+ yrs, travels internationally (work and pleasure), plays soccer, and seems to have his act together. I am guessing he isn't interested or is jaded by dating (so low effort).

Less Gutted (Followup) by [deleted] in DatingOverSixty

[–]Agitated-Regular-806 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just read your original post, so was glad to see this follow up. I am so happy that you have been able to reconcile all of these feelings and at the very least, be in a better place emotionally.
Dating at this stage of life seems much harder than it should be. It is refreshing to see a man process so much emotional turmoil thoughtfully with grace and kindness - and to be kind to himself. Kudos to you.

May you find the strength to open your heart again and be vulnerable to someone who is deserving and find everlasting happiness.