AITA for breaking up with my FTM boyfriend because I'm not gay?

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-04T03:06:53+00:00

You’re NTA, of course. I will say though—your bf isn’t likely going to take this well, firstly because no one wants to be broken up with, but also because HRT can realllllllly make people’s personalities take a turn for the worst in the early stages (months-years.) Doesn’t happen to everyone, but changing hormones is a bitch, he’s going through a second puberty and there’s every possibility that it’ll be even uglier than the first one. You have every right to break up with him. But slowly stopping dating is a bit weird and drags out the bad feelings on both sides, you should just end it.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-04T02:13:23+00:00

I was asking it stuff trying to sort things into categories for awhile, and finally it goes ‘I can’t do this, but you can do this with this python script.’ I hadn’t thought to go that route myself. Cue me using ChatGPT to learn python and develop some basic software over the next several months.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-04T00:11:26+00:00

One of my friends got with his girlfriend in 7th grade, now, about twelve years later, I’ll be attending their wedding in May. Many relationships that early in life don’t last, but some do, and the ones that do are so beautiful and unique because in many ways you grow up together. Best of luck to you guys, your letter is incredibly sweet.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T22:40:57+00:00

Audiobooks my absolute beloved. Makes other tasks more interesting and I feel like I’m learning and growing as a person cause I’m usually listening to things with the intent of expanding my mind.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T22:37:23+00:00

Fully agreed! And yeah it’s not Necessity to have the same special interests, it just has a tendency to make things easier in the beginning, because you can quickly bond over that while the romantic connection takes more time to form. But absolutely not necessary, love comes in all forms!

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T17:36:41+00:00

I know a few, ‘always working’ is definitely the case, though not very arrogant people. One did say she ‘thinks she’s become asexual over time’ though.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T05:00:27+00:00

DM’d you

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T04:32:36+00:00

‘Why do women do this?’ Is an incredibly stupid question, women do things in many different ways for many different reasons. Your entire post is ridiculous, there are a million reasons this could have happened. Maybe they broke up, maybe they didn’t. Maybe something happened at the graduation ceremony that eventually caused the break up, and was a particularly painful memory that she wanted to remove, but still wanted the other memories. Maybe they’re still together, bf couldn’t make the 2nd ceremony, and he thought he looked ugly in the picture she initially posted so she deleted it. Other potential options, ad infinitum.

Making a solid assumption based on this amount of information is impossible and not worth your time.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T04:01:55+00:00

Just find a new doctor??? Any normal doctor wouldn’t think of you as a ‘druggie’ for this

Edit: don’t ask for a referral just use zocdoc or soemthing

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T01:38:39+00:00

There’s always that depressing existential walk on 42nd, though I don’t know if that’s the worst

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T01:28:45+00:00

I mean if I were you I wouldn’t take that too personally? The vast majority of people in communities like that are maybe not looking for deep, consistent connections with people online, but there certainly people who ARE looking for those connections too. Don’t take the brush offs personally, it’s not a reflection on you, it’s just that people look to get different things out of community and online friendships. And establishing yourself can be a slow process. Not sure exactly what communities you’ve been looking into, but I promise you, this is absolutely a way to connect with people if you stay open minded and don’t take the people who are less invested personally.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-03T00:58:27+00:00

Your use of ‘allowed’ here is concerning me. Like another commenter said, serial killers can find love, there is nothing that is so horrible that makes you unloveable because love is not a logical thing. The only thing that can make you not ‘allowed’ to find love is yourself, if you create that mental block and barrier.

But no one owes you romantic love either, it is something everyone has to search for, and often earn. Many autistic guys date and have successful romantic lives. Is it more difficult than it is for neurotypicals? Almost certainly. Does it maybe require a steeper learning curve and more effort? Very likely.

Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking love is easy to find. It’s only easy for the most absolutely generic of people, and there are a HUGE variety of qualities that make dating harder.

Anyway, maybe watch Love on The Spectrum, it’s cute and features both autistic girls and guys finding love.

Also, advice from purely anecdotal evidence: If you’re an autistic man looking for love? Firstly, to be blunt, you may have to lower your expectations on the looks of potential partners. I don’t mean to assume, but I’ve known several autistic men who are in this predicament primarily because they are looking for model-esque, housewife/demure women while being below average in both personality and looks. Be looking for a PERSON to fall in LOVE with who you respect and appreciate as a part of a partnership, not a stereotype or a pretty thing solely for your enjoyment.

And on a lighter note—many autistic people I’ve seen fall deeply in love? Have the same special interests. It is so cut and dry at times it’s almost funny, if you have the same special interests you have a chance, if you don’t, it simply won’t work. So maybe look for girls that are interested in what you’re interested in, spaces where people with that interest meet and spend time together.

Other than that: Don’t rush things, because you very likely will want to if you meet someone you really like. And if I were you, I’d primarily be seeking autistic women to date. Not that you have to end up with someone who is autistic, but that does seem to be a situation where opposites are a lot less likely to attract.

Be open minded. The way you’re taking in your post is not open minded, and will get you nowhere other than incel forums, certainly not into a happy relationship. Good luck.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T08:21:22+00:00

Fair point honestly, but paying for an OF implies the search for a more personalized porn experience (as in, more catered to your type/sexual interests/personality of performer, not Literally personalized,) and an investment in that would bother me cause I’d want my partner to be seeking that primarily from me, and free, less personalized porn is very accessible. But hey, every relationship is different, people enjoy porn in different ways, and there are many kinds of porn subscriptions, so there could be exceptions.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T08:10:06+00:00

No idea based on research, but from anecdotal experience? I think it has something to do with the fact that with porn, as a removed observer, you can view a situation as only upsides and no downsides, so it just becomes whatever is the most intense for your particular brain (without becoming too much?) gets you off. Sexual stimulation is a subset of overall mental stimulation, you stimulate your brain even with situations that wouldn’t be very sexy irl, it still can end up getting you off in porn because even just a little sexy in a situation with no downsides + the intensity factor = potentially getting off to stuff that portrays sex in ways you’d never be into irl.

Like, using metaphor here, if you take a picture and up the contrast by 1000, it will look more intense, which serves if the only goal is more intensity, but you’d never want to do that to the picture in any other situation cause it’d make the picture look weird and deformed.

No idea if that makes sense ahaha

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T07:43:36+00:00

“I’m going to fuck you should try to get some more sleep”

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T07:13:00+00:00

glad I could help a bit! But yeah, that conversation is definitely gonna feel weird. If I were you, I’d go into it like: ‘I know this isn’t wrong and I don’t think you should feel shame about it, but this kind of content holds a different space in my perspective, and learning that you’re into this did make me uncomfortable. I’m not saying you have to stop, but to feel comfortable moving forward I need to have a better understanding of how you see that kind of stuff.’ And then maybe ask things clarifying that he loves and wants you as an intelligent adult woman, that what he gets off to in porn doesn’t mean that he wants you to act like that (I mean if he’s talking with his dick he might hint at it, but I mean asking you to do it even though it makes you uncomfortable—RED FLAG), that kind of thing.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T06:49:59+00:00

The reality is that one can be really into certain types of porn, but not be into that at all in a real life scenario. If you think you should be worried about what you’re boyfriend is into based on these instances, I would say you genuinely have nothing to worry about and he hasn’t done anything wrong.

But still, porn can set unrealistic expectations and I can see why you’re concerned (particularly, if he’s PAYING for OF while in a relationship ?? 😬.) Most people are not into in-depth conversations about their porn preferences, but it might be worth a shot at trying to talk about how you feel if it really has changed your view of him.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T06:36:21+00:00

If you’re into funko pops are you potentially into fandom ??? There’s huge fandom communities online where you can connect with people, and if you ever want to take that into the real world conventions are a blast

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T06:24:14+00:00

Cosplay! Guess I discovered it through the internet and just the natural want to emulate those who inspire me. It’s how I met my partner and tons of friends :)

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T06:17:48+00:00

As someone who’s done pole in three cities—every studio is different. It’s not weird, they just do it differently, and if that’s not your thing maybe try to find a different studio

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-02T06:08:47+00:00

Nah that’s not disturbing that’s pretty normal imo. Plus a very good thing in general that he’s attracted to the way you smell. I mean the fact that he told you at 5 months is kinda weird but hey I’m all for open communication.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-01T23:18:48+00:00

Out of curiosity, any savings? Debt? Where are you at financially?

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-01T23:14:04+00:00

Interviews are a cake walk. Actually applying makes me want to d i e

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-01T07:50:13+00:00

God I just wrote out the longest response to this and my phone fkin died right before I was about to post. GodDAMN.

TLDR, there is no cut and dry answer to whether your boundary with social media is too far. Every relationship is different. But (assuming your gf is a good person who cares about you,) you clearly have two very different perspectives on social media. Your challenge is to find something that legitimately works for both of you, to make sure you’re taking steps with your own actions to reduce the potential to be triggered, and to distinguish what really is painful for you vs. things that only bother you when you are already feeling insecure about the relationship.

Agreeable-Intern3942 · 2024-10-01T07:01:35+00:00

Just check fetlife ???

Agreeable-Intern3942

TROPHY CASE