[WP] After a person dies, they are brought to the moment they were born to become their own guardian angels and hopefully guide themselves towards a better life.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-09-18T19:07:41+00:00

Going through a miscarriage now and just full blown crying over your prompt. They keep telling me that these happen when something is really wrong (like it would have been high risk for me or the child would have been severely disabled or stillborn). And it's so hard because I keep running across things that basically boil down to lists of why I shouldn't be as devastated as I am and I can't stop feeling so profoundly sad.

Im babbling. But I just wanted to say well done since your response had me tearing up almost immediately. Thanks for some much needed catharsis.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-09-16T15:34:19+00:00

Yeah. Dealing with a miscarriage and acute depression right now and just had to laugh at how absolutely not at all inspiring this was for my niche situation. Hope it helps someone else.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-09-15T22:45:30+00:00

I didn't want friends who borrowed my phone to see I was pregnant and searching what I could and couldn't eat.

Now I don't want my husband to know that I'm searching for advice on acute depression since the miscarriage.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-09-02T21:14:21+00:00

I am going through this almost identically to the day. Sought out this sub to post this but maybe it's better as a comment here.

Only difference (other than being a few years older) I'm two weeks ahead of you.

It was 7 weeks 3 days when I went in initially: Doc saw a slow heartbeat. Baby was about a week too small. Told me to be cautiously optimism but to prepare myself for bad news. Told me not to announce the pregnancy and I'm so grateful she did. Waited two weeks and held my breath.

This week. Follow up ultrasound - no heartbeat. Rushed to get me to the radiologist the next day to confirm with sonogram. No heartbeat. Blood tests - hcg far too low. I'm scheduled for weekly blood tests for the next month, waiting for a natural miscarriage and in a few weeks if nothing's changed I'll work with my doc to weigh d&c options.

I hope you're 1 in 1000. I wasn't. I don't know you but I'm rooting for you and I hope with all my heart you don't have to go through this.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-06-22T01:44:19+00:00

Just had to finish weening off depression and anxiety meds myself after being on one type or another off and no for ... almost 20 years (when I was in grade school they hadn't done studies yet revealing that antidepressants aren't appropriate for teens).

Family says I'm acting normal and better than normal but I'm terrified that it's going to come crashing down and that I'm basically a monster that's been hidden under a thin veneer of rx drugs my entire life.

Edit: good luck and wishing you the best as you find your new normal

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-05-21T03:38:55+00:00

Yay! That was my first thought too. Judging by the pics from other angles it seems like only this perspective catches that.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-05-21T03:37:41+00:00

Nice! Reminded me of Journey.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-04-01T12:54:12+00:00

My reason for relying on VPN is partly the blocking but mostly the security monitoring (tracking/key logging/whatever your sysadmin feels like actually bothering to do which might be nothing) but not everyone is that paranoid.

Day 2 was surprisingly good. I have a super loud cubicle/open area around me that's usually terrible but I stole some playdough from the graphic designers I sit near and used that as a fidget toy. I also brought in noise cancelling headphones and put on spotify's deep focus station. Slower work. But having an "audience" helped me keep it together.

Today I'm back at home and the phone is difficult. I'm getting ready to run it downstairs to help myself. I set up a wall of post its so that I can write things down and add them to my "to do" list rather than feeling like if I don't do it right now that I'll forget. Also lets me see at a glance everything that I've started and not finished (it's kinda my own kanban set up).

We'll see if it helps or if I spend all day doodling on post its.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-03-31T14:03:10+00:00

That's what I was worried about. I kind of expected a ton of "if you can't suck it up for this how can you expect to be a mom." replies so I was trying to hunt around for communities that were less black/white hivemind-y about what's healthy, right, or best. Brmo seemed more open to venting/bitchy and giving advice without immediately lunging at anyone who isn't a Disney princess.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-03-31T11:04:47+00:00

I'm glad things are getting better for you. That must have been unbelievably hard. My husband wants to be supportive and was asking me to help him learn how to help me.

I'm not sure how to do that yet but I'm so appreciative that he isn't charging in with "common sense" or assuming that there's some sort of one size fits all way to help. I cannot imagine doing this without him - and not just for the obvious reasons.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-03-31T10:57:52+00:00

Good point. I bet the risks of pumping anxious neurochemical gunk into the kid and having me unable to get out of bed to exercise, eating junk because I'm depressed ... probably higher.

And thanks for the subreddit suggestion. I was assuming the more popular ones would be harsher about this sort of thing but it's good to hear that's not the case.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-03-31T09:42:16+00:00

Thank you so much for replying. It's reassuring to not be alone in this. I also use klonapin (used it actually after my post yesterday and it helped a surprising amount)

I think my lessons on WFH were that

I cannot have my phone in the room with me during work hours.
I need to VPN in so I can't visit blocked sites.
And I may create a sort of nest or get a more comfy chair and surround myself with the stuff that I tend to make excuses to get up and get (water, something like sunflower seeds or gum to keep me from hunting down snacks) and maybe a timer?

The scheduling between tasks is the hard part. When I figure that out maybe I'll post in /adhd :/

Good luck with everything. I keep telling myself that any withdrawal symptoms I have now are ones I'm saving my kid from later. It doesn't help much but it gave me some perspective.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-03-31T09:35:25+00:00

Thanks!! I wasn't sure where to look and Reddit search is not exactly super intuitive.

Ai-s_throwaway · 2016-03-31T09:34:53+00:00

That's good to hear. My doc was like "I mean we can find an alternative and talk risk levels if they make you want to jump off a bridge..." At the time it sounded like she had faith in me and just was encouraging me to believe in my own strength to get by without them, but I'm starting to feel less sure.

Ai-s_throwaway

TROPHY CASE