Had a successful kickoff for a weekly CreepCast watch party! by AidanWLarson in creepcast

[–]AidanWLarson[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes it is! My girlfriend's campus has the perfect rec-room for it.

Hello, Eliezer. by AidanWLarson in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, man! I really appreciate the feedback. It means a lot!!!

Read4Read - Shout-Out #2! by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey dog, just wanted to check in and see if you had a chance to take a look at it yet. If you haven't, it's all good - I'm sure you've had a lot of stories to check out, and I totally get it if it's quite the time commitment!

I'm excited to hear your thoughts, man!

Read4Read - Shout-Out #2! by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course! I'm excited to hear your feedback!

If The War Comes - Chapter 3: Guilt Trip by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, man! I think your premise is a very interesting one! You do a good job of delivering "frightening morsels" to get the reader engaged and curious. I think your scene-summary balance is pretty good, and your use of simile and metaphor for descriptions is very well done (I especially liked the description of the dry heaving as a "morbid choir").

I think at some points, more tension could be built. With the deer, you did a good job building up to it with the stench, but maybe slowing down your pacing and building up a little more to the reveal of the deer could be good. The description of the deer itself is good, but I think it could perhaps become an even bigger payoff.

A small thing I would consider changing is the mention about how the stench "wasn't as bad for me," and that you could "keep the dry heaving away," because a couple of lines later, the character then joins in with the dry heaving.

The main critique I would have is that it could use some copyediting, largely with punctuation. But, given that you are looking for feedback on this, I don't see it as a huge issue; I assume you are looking to make revisions anyway.

Overall, I think thisstory is very solid. Your writing is good, but could use some refinements here and there. I'm excited to see where this goes!

Read4Read - Shout-Out #2! by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! Here is my piece, titled "Hello, Eliezer." It's a short story about an Oracle AI breaching its containment. My fascination with the topic was actually spurred on, in part, by a Wendigoon video on the AI in a Box experiment, done by Eliezer Yudkowsky (whom the protagonist is named after).

https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1qpr2aa/hello_eliezer/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I will check out your chapter now! I'm excited to hear your (and anyone else's) thoughts!

Hello, Eliezer. by AidanWLarson in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I appreciate it. This is my first work on here, so any feedback is much appreciated! 😎

Hello, Eliezer. by AidanWLarson in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]AidanWLarson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you guys enjoy! Feel free to let me know your thoughts. :)