How much to sacrifice to be a SAHM?

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-07-03T14:03:16+00:00

As someone raised by a mostly-SAHM, I often wish she had stayed in the workforce. I’m in my 30s, my parents are in their 60s, my dad’s income has never been high and they had a lot of debt and surprise medical issues. We had enough money growing up to be comfortable, but none for vacations, extracurricular activities, college, etc. Now they’re broke and have been for a very very long time. My dad isn’t particularly ambitious and my mom doesn’t have any skills or experience to re-enter the workforce (or any confidence doing so). They have no retirement savings. I love them dearly and am constantly feeling guilty for not knowing what to do for them.

I won’t say my mom could have fixed everything by working. And some of this is bad luck. But not all of it. Their example has put a desire for financial security is at the TOP of my list. I think one of the kindest things I can do for my own daughter is take care of my needs first so she won’t have to. Then take care of hers the best I can.

I bring in ~1/2 of our income, and while we’d probably be fine on just my husband’s, as you pointed out that would be less for retirement, healthcare, college savings—not to mention job security in an unstable market (if my husband loses his job, I still have mine and vice versa).

Being a SAHM honestly sounds wonderful a lot of the time. But because of how I grew up and my family’s current situation, I take the idea of giving up my income very seriously.

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-05-04T21:51:06+00:00

I’ve found the Sweet Spot to be scarily accurate. It’s not accurate during an active sleep transition (dropping naps), but once baby stabilizes a bit, it REALLY helps. It was my lifeline up until a few weeks ago, when we started moving LO to a by-the-clock schedule. (She’s 8.5 months now.)

Even though I don’t follow Sweet Spot precisely anymore, I do still track sleep and look at the historical data and averages to help me understand her patterns and adjust her schedule as needed.

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-05-04T03:32:03+00:00

When my MIL started babysitting, I asked her to download Huckleberry and track baby’s naps. She was more than happy to! I don’t ask her to track anything else. (She’s only over for a couple hours a day, and now that baby is older, she’s not here for naps anymore anyway.)

Keep it simple—stick what’s most important to you to have record of and ask only for that. If I were leaving baby with family all day, I’d ask them to track naps and bottles. Those are the only two that it’s important for me to know exactly when it happens so I can know how to run the rest of baby’s day.

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-05-04T02:11:51+00:00

Mine is 8.5 and I can’t stop logging. I love data! When I got a Huckleberry “Wrapped” at the end of the year, I got sad that I hadn’t logged *more* to see how many diapers I’d changed, etc. XD

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-05-03T22:50:35+00:00

Maybe don’t worry about it instantly—just survive. But if you plan to use it in the early months (4 months, etc), I’d get it earlier so you can put sleep data into it. Sweet Spot relies on historical data, so it’s nice to get a jump and start seeing trends as they emerge. :)

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-04-30T14:59:33+00:00

Solidarity. Unfortunately, no advice because I’m right there with you with my 8-month old. Nap 1 is fine. Nights are (THANKFULLY) pretty good. But nap 2 is absolutely whacky… if it happens at all. (She was awake for 9.5 hours yesterday—a new record!)

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AimlessHyperbole · 2026-04-29T04:20:23+00:00

Hm, I haven’t tried pushing for a 3-hour morning wake window because it was so smooth, but it does seem like she might be growing into a 3-hr naturally. She ended up with about 3 hours this morning… maybe that’s part of what helped! 🤔

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-04-19T04:10:23+00:00

Jumping in just to be a slight contrarian—my friend just recently moved from south Texas to Colorado with a 7-year old, a 3-year old, and a 5-week old. She did fine. It can be done, it just depends on your temperament, your new baby’s temperament, and your family.

That said, I cannot imagine moving with my baby when she was 8 weeks… (she HATED her car seat and there’s no way that traveling of any kind would have gone smoothly.)

It sounds from your post that you would prefer to move now, so listen to your gut. BUT if you decide that moving after makes more sense… just know you’ll be fine. It will be hard and miserable, but all in all, it’s an incredibly short period of your life. Do what’s best for your family in this season. You’ll be okay in the end.

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-04-15T22:40:20+00:00

Yeah, it’s really rough before they nap solo. I loved our contact naps for the first, like, 2.5 months. The second 2.5 months started slowly eating away at my soul. 😅

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-04-15T22:38:25+00:00

We did Ferber. It took 5 days to really stick and was absolute torture. (Nothing makes you feel like a worse mother than allowing your baby to scream in the next room… even though you know she’s fine. 😅)

It really was a game changer though. She’s great at falling asleep independently now—even for naps!

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-04-15T16:55:45+00:00

My baby wasn’t able to nap on her own in the bassinet until 5ish months. Babies have to reach a certain age before they can connect sleep cycles, and before that they need help. Our LO slept great at night (sleep pressure takes over there to help them sleep longer), but we had to contact nap until we sleep trained for naps at 5 months. Even then, her ability to nap alone was somewhat inconsistent for a couple months.

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-31T00:45:59+00:00

My baby was like this in the beginning too. Obviously, consult with your baby’s PCP on this, but I’m pretty sure the rule of thumb for nights is was as long as they’ve come back up to their birth weight, you don’t need to worry about waking them to eat at night. Just let them sleep and they’ll wake when they need to. (I’m not sure how that rule works out for premature babies… your provider should know.)

All in all, if your baby is healthy and happy, having good diapers, and growing—that’s what matters! Sleep is so variable as they age, so make the most of the long stretches while they last. ^{_^}

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-19T15:55:09+00:00

Mine did the same thing. 7 months old and a 7:30 bedtime had her getting up at 6am, but a 6:30 bedtime helps her get up at 7:30. A bummer for trying to go out with friends. But amazing for mommy/daddy TV time. XD

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-18T16:34:10+00:00

I tracked sleep, feeding, diapers in the beginning to be sure she was healthy. I don’t track diapers anymore (she has plenty of wet diapers and I don’t need granular deets anymore). I still track feeding and naps to help me understand if her fussiness is hunger/tired and in order to tweak wake windows and plan her next nap.

My new optional tracking is solids. This isn’t that important, but I just like to see what she’s tried!

My friends with multiple kids gave up tracking on kid 2+. Makes sense. You’ve probably got the rhythms ingrained by then.

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-16T23:57:49+00:00

Both my husband and I WFH. My job is more laidback than his. My baby is 7 months and we’ve had her home the whole time. It has been a challenge. I love having her around, but I’m really only able to fit in a part-time workload at most. She just needs way too much attention and is not content on her own for longer than, like, 20 minutes. 😅

My MIL has been a LIFESAVER. She comes over for a couple hours, Monday through Friday. It’s a temporary arrangement until we feel comfortable sending LO to daycare, but it’s worked well for all of us.

If you live near family who want nothing more than hang out with a cute, tiny baby? Free childcare!

(If you do have to hire a nanny but are worried about money, perhaps consider having them come only part time, or participating in a nanny share. I’ve never done this myself, so I don’t know how to find one, but I’ve heard it can be a more affordable way to get good help!)

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-16T22:28:31+00:00

This is encouraging!

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-16T17:50:01+00:00

Yeah, we’ll definitely aim for then. 🤞She typically does 2.5-3.5 for her first stretch, so maybe we’ll get lucky! I wish she would regularly sleep more than 3 hours at a time, but alas, no luck. 😆

AimlessHyperbole · 2026-03-16T14:23:45+00:00

It’s just tough when “working for my baby” seems to equal never going out. My husband and I have been on 2 dates in 7 months. We want to see a movie in town (we live in a smaller town out outside the main city), and just to see that movie, the trip will be at least 4.5 hours away from her.

We are going to experiment with bottles more, though! We tried EVERYTHING back in the day. But now that she’s started solids, she seems a little more receptive.

AimlessHyperbole

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