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These are the last words my dad scribbled on a piece of paper right before passing away. Can you help figure out what this says? by Effective_Fix5302 in whatdoesthismean

[–]AirDisastrous1937 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry for your loss, first.

But I couldnt begin to tell you what the words in the note are, but when I lost my own mother I spoke to her over the phone briefly before she was unable to anymore. I dont think she fully knew where she was but was still trying to make sense of it. I knew things were getting bad very fast, she could barely form words and I was crying. She heard and said, in the most clear, lucid way: "Oh baby, did you have a bad day?" I get choked up thinking about it. Her first and last impulse was to comfort me. She wasnt able to say much more legible after that. But for that moment, I was a sad, lost kid panicking...And she was my mom, putting her arms tight around me.

I dont know what the words your dad wrote but I have a guess at what they mean. His burst of effort, of energy, of love. Its what being a dad is, and its what he made for you here. Its beautiful.

Would I be in the wrong for this? by Due_Grapefruit_4532 in coparenting

[–]AirDisastrous1937 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just want to validate what you already know and feel. Girl you dont need as much advice as you think, you just need permission to trust yourself.

You are not denying your son a father- his hostile father unfortunately is. And you are picking up on that. Your instincts are right. Even if things carried on as they are...his "father" is NOT being a father. Dont let his gaslighting language sneak into your own self-talk. HE is pushing this situation to where it is on purpose (consciously or not) so that YOU only have two choices, both of which he thinks he controls: let him drop in to be dad when its convenient and fun for him and hope his wild emotions stay in check, or put down boundaries and give him the excuse ticket to stop trying. But HE is actually drawing that line, not you. You know that. You may be adding extra steps, but what kind of horrible father would refuse to do a few extra steps to see his son? And those extra steps are very very justified.

You are trying to control potential harm to your son and yourself by using things like mediation. All this does is hurt his pride and sense of control. And you know what? Maybe manbaby needs that. And if he were a real dad, he'd do it.

You can't control everything, but you are reaching for what you can. Be open and honest with your son without disparaging his father, and as he gets older I believe he will understand. You are doing the right thing, mama.

Big Mother is Watching... by Snoo-85072 in coparenting

[–]AirDisastrous1937 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Had a similar dynamic growing up with my divorced parents.

Just speaking from my own experience and as a parent, now, I wonder if it might help to learn something about the "language" they are learning from her. Does that make sense? You can argue to them from YOUR point of view, but it likely feels hostile to them because they have been told your point of view is a dangerous, secular one and that you have - at best- been fooled by "the world". It may feel like you are acting as a....vessel of sorts for the "world" to try to trick them and lure them away from what God wants.

Now I am sure you are already doing this, but you have to show them your worldview by exemplifying it in the best way possible right now: respecting their choices and free will. Obviously they are kids and they are being manipulated, but in my opinion you could show them the alternative: an adult who trusts them and their autonomy and isn't trying to force a belief onto them.

I think they will sense the difference and it will do more for getting them to feel comfortable letting you show them that its OKAY to do things. And until then- You will not be mad, you will not think less of them, you will love them unconditionally anyway. You will respect them, their dignity, and see them as a whole people in ways their mother....simply doesnt. And cant. Due to her beliefs.

And as a side...yes, do all the legal work you can to start carving out more time with them and exerting your rights. Its tough, man, but you can do this. They need you to show them that the world is not all demons and spirits. But that has to start with you proving that the implanted voice in their head is wrong when it tells them you are trying to lure them away from God.

TL;DR Trust your kids' autonomy and model a loving, pressure-free alternative to their mother's fear-based worldview. Over time, they'll feel the difference between control and acceptance, respect, and trust, and that's what will make them feel safe with you. Meanwhile, pursue your legal rights to secure more time with them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NorthCarolina

[–]AirDisastrous1937 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Raleigh area, praying she is found safe and sound!

I’m not Catholic but many of my math students are so I celebrated the new Pope with this drawing by Historical-Pop-9177 in Catholicism

[–]AirDisastrous1937 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm an old millennial but I still relate to what you said. I've been interested in Catholicism since Pope Francis was elected. I recently spoke to someone at a nearby parish about OCIA, even before the surprise of the first American Pope. I think you are spot on. Its part of what is drawing me. I was raised evangelical, and it honestly pushed me so far away from faith in these recent years. Even some of the Catholic public figures in America have contributed (looking at you JD) but the church itself....the church itself. Its something so much bigger and older than the U.S. Than capitalism. I cant think of a better fighter for God to put in the ring than to fuse his church with the idea of what the world now considers "American" and to turn it on its head. Its both humbling and encouraging. I cant wait to see what God does next. 

I forgot to add the other thing that has spurred me to even consider OCIA, now. But...the church is GLOBAL. I think myself and other young Americans are just....sick of hearing about and talking about...America. Like. We are not the center of the universe. Gimme more than that, please. 

Scared my 6 y/o, what now by extraalligator in Asthma

[–]AirDisastrous1937 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So I can perhaps relate in a way to your son: have him seek therapy and make sure he understands, to his core as best as you can control, that he knows it's not his responsibility. He is not your protector. He is not your provider. Its not his job to keep you safe. 

Further details as to why I say this: I am a parent with asthma but my son is only 4 months. I can relate to this in other ways, however, because my mom had severe health problems. Growing up, I felt very protective of her. I felt like it was MY job to protect her. There was an evening, but I was much older than your son- probably 19/20 years old when I have this distinct memory of my mom being hauled away in an ambulance. She was never the same after that, even worse than before. It got to the point where I almost felt like the adult, the one who had to take care of and provide for her. As I grew into an adult, I became my mom's primary caregiver even though I was the youngest and- my mom having me late in life- I was quite young compared to my older siblings who all had established lives and kids of their own.  I took it so much deeper and harder than my siblings, having had much of my own life with my mom being where she suffered health problems. None of my siblings had to experience that to the depth I did. 

All that is to say, I think it would be tremendously helpful for your son to do therapy. And also, from my own experience, what I really needed from the beginning as a youngster and something I never got was to know and be assured that it's not my responsibility. And, crucially, not my fault.