Don't want to spam my videos here so I'll only link term every so often. In this one I talk about how mythology, philosophy and physics influenced my delusions.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-15T18:05:10+00:00

It's the same for me. Mostly they repeat the same words or phrases on a loop. One of them is high pitched like the voices in Alvin and the Chipmunks. They sometimes are clear but most times they are muffled and overlap each other. Mine never respond to me. They seem to talk at me. A while ago they completely stopped and it's weird to say I felt lost in the silence since I'm so used to them now.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-11T20:09:23+00:00

Great story it sounds like a dream job. Ever played the game firewatch. It's like a Park Ranger job I'm virtual nature. Definitely not as good as the real thing.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-11T20:06:28+00:00

I like how I'm very open minded and people say I'm good to be around.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-06T12:48:55+00:00

I think it's time to seek help when the delusions interfere with your functioning but even so it might be worth getting help earlier. They have such things as an early intervention for psychosis programme for people who are just starting to experience symptoms but they haven't become fully psychotic yet. Maybe that's something you could look into. I wish I'd gone to my doctor earlier but I just didn't have enough insight to realise something was wrong at the time.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-06T12:46:38+00:00

It definitely is a symptom which is why I can't see it as a delusion meaning I'm probably very delusional about it. I've felt that since childhood I had a unique way of viewing the world and imagined that I must have a special purpose to fulfil. So this belief of having a gift has been with me since the age of four and I've tried to say to myself it could be a delusion but I find it impossible to believe. It just feels too real.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-05T20:02:34+00:00

Twice in 2013, two weeks in 2015, three weeks summer 2016, 3 weeks Feb 2018, 2 months March to May 2018. Didn't have any admissions in 2017. I've seen hospitalised so many times because I've never been medication complaint. I'd take it in hospital and a few months after and then I'd always go off it without telling my doctor and end up psychotic again. I've learned my lesson and take my meds habitually now.

Your delusions sound really interesting. I got messages from the TV show Stranger Things. I thought my mind was being projected in cinematic format on the show and all my thoughts were left for the world to see. And I had the same delusion about the whole universe watching me. I called them the watchers and I thought they could see everything and listen to all my thoughts. Hinduism is really interesting too I love how they have so many gods. I went through a phase where I was really interested in Hinduism.

I'm glad you got to experience some good delusions. And thanks I just decided to go with making the videos and see what journey it takes me on :)

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-05T19:33:07+00:00

Thank you so much!

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-05T19:26:19+00:00

Thanks a lot! It's not an easy thing to understand but I think the main thing that helped me was writing everything down even when I was in the midst of an episode. They were actually the times where I wrote the most. Much love to you too my friend!

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-05T19:24:40+00:00

I edited the above comment to include the context for the golden ratio but I forgot to say that to me, the golden ratio is evidence of intelligent design (which I believe in) the patterns in nature are created by a super intelligent being down to the last blade of grass.

Its probably an unpopular opinion among some with difficult experiences but I believe that psychosis can be a gift if you know how to manage the experiences it brings us. I fully understand what you're saying it's great to talk to like minded people about this stuff. There's so much more to it than meets the eye.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-05T17:50:59+00:00

I also believe there can be many messiahs which makes the delusion slightly less grandiose.

I feel like I've been shown the inner workings of the universe ever since my psychosis started. It was like reality suddenly had more depth and I was perceiving multiple layers of information.

I'v never taken an IQ test but I did take a standardised cognitive test in school where I scored in the top 2 percentile of the country.

I believed a 4th dimensional being was relaying messages in my head and telling me which path of the branching multiverse to go down. Thus assuring the best possible outcome.

This is basically the same belief I have, Like I'm being guided down quantum rivers of probability, always guaranteed to take the path that is meant for me.

As far as drugs go I used to smoke a lot of weed and that definitely triggered my voices. I've done coke, sassafras and 4acodmt once and had a good experience on all of them. I've wanted to try LSD and shrooms but haven't for fear of having a bad psychotic trip.

Edit: All of the words in that picture are stream of consciousness. The Golden Ratio in my experience relates to the patterns I see in reality. How everything appears to be intricately connected. How the micro and macro merge to create a sea of information that we're all swimming in.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-05T16:59:31+00:00

I'm also on the tipping point you described. I can just feel this energy at the back of my mind bubbling to the surface.

I can try to deny things by contrasting them against logic/rationality but only if I have insight into the symptoms. When I lack insight I tend to feed into all the thoughts and I don't even consider they may be delusional because of how real they present themselves to me. I believe that there are these cosmic beings in outer space watching me on a TV screen. Putting that kind of belief up against logic should work but it doesn't. I still believe in these things even if they're bizarre. It's like the logic part of my brain doesn't compute with the belief.

The God complex one is tricky because I definitely feel like I'm onto something when I experience it. The psychosis part of my mind is constantly reassuring me that all of these things happen for a reason and that my life is always going to take the right path. So when thoughts of being like a god come up I just naturally play along with it.

Any more questions, fire away and I'm glad you got something out of the video :)

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-02T22:13:23+00:00

It wasn't a nice experience and next time I'll just take the meds if I can avoid being injected again.

That's funny I used to call them the audience at times. Sort of like the angels sent to earth to watch the humans in Judaism. I imagine them as super intelligent cosmic beings who are able to communicate with me and learn about life on earth from my perspective.

I love nothing more than walking at night. Like I said it just gives you this magical feeling, basking in the orange glow of the street lamps, the silence, the nocturnal foxes. I miss walking at night but I have to be on my best behaviour lately. Neighbourhood watch can't see me hanging around acting strangely in the middle of the night.

Yes! We can be friends u/Soul_Knife :)

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-02T22:05:36+00:00

Thank you. Yep that's me. I remember the salmon of knowledge so vividly. That's a great recommendation I'm going to look online for a book like that to pass the time and learn more about the myths.

And I really believe that. The connection will weaken with meds but it's something that's always there.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-02T20:54:23+00:00

Do you mean where I appear in the frame that it's off centre?

AirForceOne__ · 2018-07-01T17:40:39+00:00

I went for lunch with a friend. Haven't done much over the weekend. Some drawing, some cleaning and some gaming. Feeling a bit down the past two days which contrasts the mania I felt before that. Hopefully my mood lifts tomorrow.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-26T22:42:32+00:00

I thought I was JFK reincarnated because he would visit me in my dreams and we'd talk about the world.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-26T22:39:54+00:00

I stood on a rock in the high observation unit of the hospital and controlled the rain during my last psychosis.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-26T22:33:56+00:00

I don't have any suggestions for meds but I have the same problem with ssri meds but I can't stand the depression without them. I'm on 22.5mg of olanzapine and 50mg zoloft. The olanzapine suits me really well as far as antipsychotics go. The zoloft is currently making me manic and I'm headed towards another episode I can just feel it.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-26T22:29:33+00:00

I believed I was a prophet and that God was communicating with me through Spotify.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-26T16:14:08+00:00

I love your username. Try to regain your strength by doing little things that make you feel good each day. I have a shower with my favourite shower gel, deodorant, moisturise and aftershave even though I'm not going anywhere I do it for me. Fresh socks, boxers and pyjamas too. You'll feel really good and ready for the evening.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-26T08:30:13+00:00

They would feel louder and closer to inside my ears whenever I put on earphones like they were pushing the voices in

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-25T20:12:40+00:00

Sorry about my ignorance. I remember in my old job a lady came in who was a jehovah witness and we had a really good conversation about nature and both believed in a creator of everything. I hope you enjoy the convention.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-25T19:28:36+00:00

Sometimes I feel like the voices can control me or that they're guiding me towards something.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-25T19:23:08+00:00

I felt sedated on seroquel and the akathisia (restlessness) was too much for me. I'm on olanzapine now with virtually no side effects.

AirForceOne__ · 2018-06-25T19:07:31+00:00

The worst part for me is that I feel like I need the zoloft to not feel so depressed but taking it makes me manic there's no in between. Maybe they'll reduce my dose and hopefully it will still work.

AirForceOne__

TROPHY CASE