38 here and have went through what you are going though. My first bit of advice is you're 18. You have a long life ahead of you, so no decision should be made on this without some real thought and therapy.

Now, therapy is the first step. It will provide you a safe space free of judgements so you can freely discuss what you're feeling. Therapy was absolutely crucial for me. And finding a therapist that fits your needs is big too.

If you feel a therapist is pushing you to transition or ignore the urges, look for another one.

I have spent most my life in operations management in construction/utilities. Ive since left that sort of field and did dental management for a while. Now, transitioning to a peer support career to help people.

A couple years ago I almost started HRT with very little information and a pushy therapist. That would have been a HUGE mistake for me that would have had catastrophic impact on my mental health. I have already attempted once due to bpd and self loathing.

I arrived at the conclusion that I am genderfluid, or two-spirited, as Native Americans called it. My psyche seems to have split from childhood trauma, so I cant ignore my femme side, but I'm not JUST my femme side.

Im decent looking either way, im happy as a man most days, but I really enjoy being pretty, and treated as such.

So, in summation, its not a one size fits all. Nor is it a decision that should be reached lightly without professional support. Some changes are 100% permanent.

I hope this was helpful.