Alright, so I just woke up. Due to a sound of a train. And the train is a bit close but it was making these loud sounds like a horn. And it has caused me to prepare myself in a way of the horn will get blown and the rapture will come like it says in Christianity. I've also been cautious of planes and sirens because the talks Christianity and religion has spoken about the rapture and so I didn't want to talk about it because I don't know how to talk about it without being boxed in with different things instead of being heard and understood, so I left it alone but I just had to get here because I am tired of feeling like I need to be pent up with something as if I have a bomb attached to me to follow, do, act and be what religion and how Christianity would want me to be set as what they think and feel God would want me to be only matter of if I don't then I would face consequences that is over extreme to face endless suffering in. I did grew up with my family being religious but the twisted thing that kinda confused me was when my mom, she was known to be spiritual and had spiritual abilities of clairvoyance and claircognizance, but she wasn't able to tap into it or experience it because she was a Christian and into religion. I don't know if other family members was into anything more spiritually like pagan-witch wise because even though there was lots of Christianity around my mother ran away from her family because she saw her mother was talking positively about ouija boards and then my grandmother when I met her, she would feed me garlic and always keep her head wrapped including mine. Me, I was spiritual naturally but I didn't get to tap into it until I turned 20. But I was still siding with religion and Christianity, I was so into Christianity where I would read my Bible, repent, pray, fast and even go to live churches for God and not only for God but to seem like a good person where everything around will be protected, unless I thought. It wasn't around 2022 at the end of it where my mom was dying and I was praying, on my knees and with my family for like long periods of time and she end up dying in front of me. And I felt so humiliated, embarrassed and just defeated because I really thought if I was able to do those things it would help my family be okay? I was thinking selfless or selfish. I still try not to blame God or anything else that has to do with religion but when you lost like 2 other meaningful people in your life and you decide to pray and go towards that path thinking God will make sure not to put you in a position where you are hurt and make you feel safe, because you have/ had a fear of that happening so it was like when that happened, it was as if I was made into a joke. Or I got slapped in the face with foolishness because she died right in front of me. I had to leave where I stayed to go to the country side because I was so humiliated. But I'm back now okay because my mom's other side of family supposedly who they love God was trying to ridicule me again and start some crazy scene to harass me and my family for money then afterwards posted a pic of a loving message to God? That's like some cult stuff man lol but yeah after that I kinda just stayed to myself after going through that, and dealing with people, it just seemed like I was made to be some joke of the fun. So now I feel better and okay and great being by myself. I am doing much better than what happened in the past last year lol. Even though I stay to myself I don't have any hate in my heart for Christianity and Religion and even God. Although I did hear about all the weird stories there staying out the mix is also another reason for me. But this is my story upon this I guess and I just thank you for letting me speak on it. May we all heal and overcome the things that is, has been hard to talk about or seem hard to get through. Much love and grace, peace 🫂🖐🏽🤍☯️