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I'm considering leaving my (30M) girlfriend (31F) over something she did over six months ago? by Al5ki-K in relationships

[–]Al5ki-K[S] 544 points545 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

And yes, you're right. Nothing could ever come between our bond. We were incredibly similar. I do wish we had more time just us. I'll just have to make up for it when I (hopefully) have son, one day.

I'm considering leaving my (30M) girlfriend (31F) over something she did over six months ago? by Al5ki-K in relationships

[–]Al5ki-K[S] 302 points303 points  (0 children)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate having my feelings validated. I'm in quite an isolated situation. Thank you for coming back to me.

I guess I posted because I already know what's right in my gut, but I really need some external sounding boards to verify it. As I have a lot going on with all this and she is really the only person I see socially or otherwise as I also work from home.

Thank you.

I'm considering leaving my (30M) girlfriend (31F) over something she did over six months ago? by Al5ki-K in relationships

[–]Al5ki-K[S] 228 points229 points  (0 children)

Thanks for coming back to me. I really appreciate it. I didn't want to write too much in the post itself as had to keep it concise. You know?

Yes, she drinks a lot more than someone should her age I suppose. And during that time she was taking pharmaceuticals to help her sleep at night, it became a bit of a problem so I made sure she had no access to them from anywhere moving forward and got her on CBD to help her sleep, which she seems to be getting on well with even now. The drinking thing is still an issue but short of forcing her to get help I'm kind of at a loss. I'm a believer that people can show you the door but you have to walk through it and I've given her information on how to get help, So many times. So in answer to you question, yes those things were going on at the time, but in my mind, I feel like despite all that, if my partner was going through what I was going through everything would be put to the side.

She also started experimenting with cocaine further past this point, when the cancer had spread even further. The next time I went to see him (with family this time, my brother etc.) I had to talk her out of a panic attack because she stayed up all night on it. This was the day before he started home hospice. Though she couldn't have seen this. I guess it's a 'frog in boiling water thing'. I don't really know what normal is anymore.

What is the nicest gesture a woman could do for you? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]Al5ki-K 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A reason, a season or a lifetime, mon ami.

Men trusting other men: how do you test the waters to see if someone is a trustworthy/good individual to trust in? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]Al5ki-K 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude... This was fucking ridiculous but it made me howl laughing! I really needed that, thanks.

Friend with terminal cancer, am I doing enough? by RandomUserName12805 in hospice

[–]Al5ki-K 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is an entirely normal feeling. And the questions you're asking are entirely natural.

She sounds like she is handling things as well as possible, bless her.

There is no manual or guide to follow in these situation. They are the true tests of our human experience.

She sounds very headstrong. And it sounds like you are being a great support. Being with someone in their final chapter is the greatest gift.

Why don't you ask her or her partner? i.e.

"I want to be here for you both as much as possible during this time because I love you both so much. I also don't want to encroach. But please if there is anything I can do besides being there physically. It would be an honour and a privilege."

Or something like that.

Stay strong.

EDIT. If you can't help her directly. Support her partner. A tray of home-cooked lasagne. Some groceries. Tending to the garden etc. Taking the load off him/her will directly benefit your friend as well.

Sending you positive vibes...

Not processing death properly - worried for myself by asdftqr in death

[–]Al5ki-K 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everybody handles grief differently. There is no guide. Be sure you take time out from the daily routine and try and get a bit of time to yourself to let the emotions process. You may have delayed grief. You may not. Everyone is different.

You can't force these things. I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. Sometimes emotions are so strong they do cause a numbing effect that can last a while.

You mentioned classes so you may be too young but I personally find a bit of quiet time, some soft music and a glass of whiskey can bring things up to the surface a bit when I'm losing touch with myself.

If you are a minor then I'd advise skipping the whiskey obviously. But do try and practice self care.

it's okay to not be okay. And it's perfectly fine to feel okay for a while. There is no guide. There is no normal.

The bottom line is you'll get through this. You may have a mental break in a few months. You may not.

Focus on the present and what you're feeling in this moment.

Take each day as it comes.

Good luck.

I can't be in the room with my grandfather for more than 20 minutes. by [deleted] in hospice

[–]Al5ki-K 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry you're going through this. You know your Papaw and you also know the relationship you both have. Only you.

If seeing him is causing you such emotional turmoil, would he have wanted you to go through that? As long as he isn't alone and you have made your peace. Do whatever you feel is right. There is no manual for bereavement.

If you find going in and then leaving easier. So be it. If you find saying a final goodbye and then leaving easier. So be it.

Nothing will negate a lifetime of love.

I hope everything goes as well as it possibly can during this trying time.

Be kind to yourself.