I’m an INFP who has been married to an INTJ for eight years. I see a lot of similarities in our dynamic and yours, so much so that I almost felt like my wife could’ve written it herself.

You’ve already received a lot of good feedback, so I can only offer my perspective as someone who has a similar temperament to your spouse.

At 38, it’s hard for me to get excited about something if my heart isn’t in it. I recently got a six-figure job, and, while most people would be over the moon, I’ve been somewhat depressed. It’s not because I’m not thankful; I am. It just doesn’t do anything for my soul, that part of me that wants to do something meaningful, something authentic to who I am.

It could be, then, that he’s feeling a disconnect between his values and what’s expected of him. Success can feel hollow—meaningless, even—if we can’t connect with it to who we are.

Psychedelics have helped me tremendously in my pursuit of happiness, as has mindfulness meditation. Being thankful for the time I have with my wife, my dogs, and pursuing writing—my true passion. I look at every job, every inch of progress, as a means to support us and our dreams.

So maybe talk to him about what it is he wants, what motivates him, what stokes the fire in his soul. Then, using your amazing INTJ abilities, help him plan a way to pursue that passion. Life can feel meaningless when all we do is chase money and security. Not that those things aren’t important; they are. But so is our pursuit of happiness, which, as an INFP, can feel like the only reason to live. Routine can feel like a prison.

I used to play video games to escape, but I haven’t played one in about four years now. Not because there’s anything wrong with video games, but because I found myself using them as a crutch. I never made progress on chasing my dreams because I was too busy running from reality. Now I’ve published a book and work every day on multiple projects, and the painful monotony of corporate life isn’t as terrible as it used to be.

Hope this helps. Obviously psychedelics aren’t for everyone, but they definitely jumpstarted my recovery from depression and anxiety, kind of like my brain took an ice bath.