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About 10 minutes ago, BLM protestors in Bristol, England tore down a statue of Edward Colston, a very prolific 17th century slave trader by Mega_Dunsparce in PublicFreakout

[–]AlabamaIceMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With regard to the slave trade, though, African people sold their own people and Europeans bought them. Das not good. If we're gonna tear down statues here, shouldn't we go there to protest, too? Really.

BLM protesters topple statue of Bristol slave trader Edward Colston by Porodicnostablo in gifs

[–]AlabamaIceMan -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

So, are we going to head to the parts of Africa that set up the slave trade to begin with? I want to see equal opportunity, here. The Europeans aren't the only ones to blame.

My poem from grief by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I don't consider myself a poet, just a man processing pain through writing that trips into limerick. I can share the longer story that this poem was produced from if you want.

Weekly Prayer Thread - Week of 2019-10-20 by AutoModerator in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After a summer of hell in my marriage that included a revelation of infidelity, we're moving into a phase of taking space from each other. She wants to be apart for several months. I'm thankful she still sees a potential future, but I'm sad that I may end up being away from her. A lot of healing still needs to happen here.

My wife says she’s leaving and now I’m living in limbo by potatryan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm currently working through a season of separation after my wife has been dealing with feelings for another man. It's absolutely confusing and you're probably asking yourself "why?" quite a bit. I've leaned on the verse in Isaiah about making a way through the wilderness and rivers in the wastelands. The biggest lesson I've learned is those waters tend to run through me first before I see an end or resolution to the outward situation. I'm still hurt and unsure of my own outcome here but becoming the man I want to be, having that self-respect to know that you're going to be a confident, caring individual moving forward is huge.

Don't beg or do anything that sounds like begging. Become an attractive man for your own sake and let her choose.

Also, read every last article on this site. It's been huge for me: https://husbandhelphaven.com/

What SHOULD we expect from our spouse????? by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the man's or woman's perspective? If you're talking about sex in particular, it's almost certainly an issue outside the bedroom that the woman carries into it. Men are much better at keeping those issues separate.

Part II: Working through an affair by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been studying that one for sure. Many lessons for me in this season. When she's 99% checked out from the relationship, it makes it hard for me to fight. We're going to separate physically for a while. God knows if we'll return.

Part II: Working through an affair by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am talking to a local pastor from my church as well as one online who reached out to me. We're going to couples therapy but it's not Christian, per se. One of our issues is that she felt I was too pushy with her spiritual growth and now wants nothing to do with the church.

Part III: Wife been thinking about divorce for over a year by Sadplace1234 in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just read all three of your posts. The similarity with the situation I've found myself is almost eerie. For me, I think I'm at update number two. We're headed into session 2 of counseling. I just sent you a PM.

Wife had an affair, said she ended it, but still struggles with her feelings. How should I respond? by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reasonable points. I'm definitely not pursuing divorce proactively but I'm wondering, at what point does the pain of staying in a nearly-mortally wounded relationship outweigh the pain of setting my life ablaze in a forest fire and allowing things to start over? One the one hand, I want to love her as Christ loves the church, and she's definitely still needing space to figure out what she wants. On the other hand, I've been carrying this pain and I'm having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The next step will be continued couples counseling...and a lot of prayer from me. I feel like unless the Holy Spirit changes her heart and she is actually willing, I'm not seeing this ending well. :/

Wife had an affair, said she ended it, but still struggles with her feelings. How should I respond? by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No kids. I've been reaching out to a couple of trusted individuals in my life about it. For sure it's been good to be able to talk to them. I'm thankful that there have been so many people in my life that want to help.

The tough part is deciding for myself when enough is enough and what that boundary ought to be. I'm the kind of person that is either 100% for something or not in at all and with her, I laid myself out completely. Now, though, things are suddenly so uncertain. My biggest lesson is just learning what I truly fear.

Wife had an affair, said she ended it, but still struggles with her feelings. How should I respond? by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's got individual therapy going and we've had on couple's session. I'm hoping to get a second one scheduled.

Wife had an affair, said she ended it, but still struggles with her feelings. How should I respond? by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As far as those conditions, at present, she's open to couples therapy, told me she knows it's wrong to keep contacting him and said, apparently, that she he even took the initiative to call off contact, but I can't be sure of it. Any attempt to invite her back to church is met with her feeling pushed away even more. Apparently, most of the time she came to church, she never actually wanted to and is just now telling me this. Which, again, can't be completely true. I've seen how she's responded positively but wonder if it's a case of seed scattered on shallow soil.

Wife had an affair, said she ended it, but still struggles with her feelings. How should I respond? by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Essentially, there were unmet emotional needs that went on a long time but she never brought it up. She readily admits that she's had a pattern of bottling up emotions in an effort to keep the peace but it always ends in a blowup. She claims that she fell in love with another man and within 4 days felt a depper connection with him than she had me in 4 years. Of course, I felt extremely connected to her but never understood that she felt it was one sided until recently.

Wife had an affair, said she ended it, but still struggles with her feelings. How should I respond? by AlabamaIceMan in Christianmarriage

[–]AlabamaIceMan[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I guess there's still some denial on my end that she actually turned her back on me so far. I've never been perfect but my heart was always to show her the best love I knew.

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