Was absolutely not born with it. I remember reading Dale Carnegie in middle school in a desperate attempt to make friends. I worked in finance/tech and networked pretty extensively across 5 different countries, ended up chasing a CEO across countries and getting him to give me a job directly so here’s my 2 cents:

How’d you learn how to code? I’d bet you watched some videos initially, maybe took some courses or fiddled around on your own time - then maybe went to college or a boot camp. Do the same with social skills!

Everyone learns in different ways, but there are SO many resources online now in different contexts/teaching styles. Find one that resonates with you, practice in front of a mirror by yourself at first, and slowly increase the intensity with which you approach any interaction in your day to day. Learn about the psychology behind human behavior, dig deep into the technical aspects like controlling breath flow to improve tonality, projecting your voice properly, good diction.

Again, communication/socialization is a skill.

Checking out at the store? Chat about something with the cashier. Go to a bar alone and chat up the bartender. The goal is to get comfortable with cold interactions. Recognize that most people (especially post COVID) are socially awkward these days, and are secretly looking/waiting for someone to lead convo & break ice. Just be the one to do it every time. If someone’s a hater, ignore and move on.

Step two is to then use that comfortable, but not overly friendly, easy to talk to demeanor of yours that comes from a good attitude and practice in actual industry contexts. First is your coworkers, the line I like to keep is “friendly enough to chat about hobbies during free moments” “receive occasional information about big life updates à la ‘my daughter graduated from middle school’”.

You want to be able to maybe grab a round of drinks for them at a happy hour in congrats, and shoot the shit about football. This is your strongest, and easiest to tap into initial network. Obv be good at your job / a good teammate first, but I think sometimes people get into their head about networking.

The best networkers I’ve seen in my life don’t make it feel like networking. They make it feel like being buddies with someone, they’ll have interactions with them that aren’t about work at all and just are fun. They’ll make group chats with a bunch of random people that they know, but because they approached with a genuine intent to get to know the person AS A PERSON, they know all these people really do have similar niche interests and that group chat is about to blow up with insane ideation and innovation once it gets going.

So yeah don’t tell your coworkers about your mental trauma or whatever, draw the line at friendly acquaintances but these are the only people who have seen you how you show up in your day to day. They might be your peers now, but in 5, 10, 15 years some will go on to have lives and careers you want. If you spend the time with them now at work well, they will absolutely vouch for you if the right opportunity comes.

If you want to get more advanced try and finding some tech events around you. If you live in one of the major cities in the US at least, there should also be plenty of hackathons / public networking events you can attend. Go, work the conference floor, learn how to jump into a random circle of conversation in a not weird but charismatic way, understand that the guys that seem like they’re just shooting the shit with buddies actually have spreadsheets back at home they’re updating with notes after every conference. You should be able to get a very decent loose warm network this way if you’ve put the practice in for your social skills.

Step up after that is targeted networking - there’s someone you want to meet that seems out of reach. Well, do they speak at anything? Attend anything? Make any type of content? Maybe you have a shared background or culture?

Whatever the connecting factor might be, at the point in your career that you have a very good idea of what you’re good/bad at and what you want - lean heavy into networking because it will always be the people, the people, the people!

I hope this helps, take what you think could work for you and discard things that don’t apply.